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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:
loveareadingthanks · 18/05/2015 14:59

I think she was flirting, yes.

These things happen. As long as DH didn't flirt back, then no problem. I don't get annoyed by it, I feel amused, as they are obviously jealous/pissed/low self esteem in dire need of a bit of an ego boost.

DP knows a young girl who is a nightmare when she is pissed (often). Once she plonked herself on his lap and kissed his cheek, right in front of me. He sort of slid her off then apologised like mad to me afterwards but I just laughed. I feel a bit sorry for her but it was funny, his face was like a rabbit in the headlights.

Ex used to sing in a duet with a woman, cheesy stuff, they did a gig at a social club in a village in the middle of nowhere. Village turned out to be full of sex-starved women as very few men there. Ex was not exactly the most handsome man, but he did something to those women all right. Me and his singing partner found it hilarious. One woman kept doing 'sexy dancing' right in front of the stage. Another gave him her phone number and when he said he had a girlfriend (me, there) said oh that doesn't matter. A very elderly lady sitting at table behind me asked if he did any Barry White numbers as every time she listens to Barry White she has an orgasm (all her friends blushed and told her to shut up but nodded and agreed that she did!). All over a paunchy bald chap in his late 50s. Now known as village of the mad. It's a bit sad, really.

Redcherries · 18/05/2015 15:02

I called the behaviour cheap, not the person. There is a difference.

I agree with PP that says it's the act, not talking. Adjusting some ones clothes is intimate and she had other options including the OP that didn't involve asking a strange man to adjust her clothes for her.

iaintdead · 18/05/2015 15:09

I've seen this actual scenario play out at a house party years ago, flirty woman asks male partner of a couple to do up her zip, plenty of others to ask male and female friends but nope, only this guy will do because he is with his girlfriend.
I agree its incredibly rude and is a put down to the female half of the couple, total disrespect for someones relationship IMO.
so miss zippy turns and offers her back and asks for zip to be done up, female half of the couple does not hesitate, grabs zippy by her hair and pulls her head back, then bites zippys neck, afterwards proceeds to boot zippy all round the room and out of the house.
now, that's my type of party!

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 15:24

DH has been hit on by many gay men both in my company and not.

He's attractive, takes a great deal of care of his appearance (sometimes more than me and more than the gay man hitting on him), does a job that is not exclusive to gay men but is gay-friendly and we don't have children so I'm possibly viewed as a beard.

Most I don't care about, because as many people have demanded of the OP, I do trust my DH.

There's even man whose approaches are endearing. He flirts with grace and manages to flatter me on my choice but not insult me. That's what I'd call 'flirting for a laugh' but it's a rare skill.

The rest of them - oh fuck! I've been treated to conversations where it was said that 'women are sneaky' and 'could not get themselves clean' Shock, someone who greeted me with a deliberately bone-crushing hand shake and someone else who cried as I was hobbling down the steps in my heels: 'Mr Limited, the tube's coming in. She's got the address. Leave her.'

Yes, really. A month later he sent a Christmas card addressed to Mr Limited and his wife.

Mr BoneCrusher did it spitefully and deliberately. After the third time I said: 'No, because I'm afraid that I'll never play the piano again. But I'm not afraid that my husband will ever want to shag you.'

And glared.

We no longer meet.

Eigg · 18/05/2015 15:56

This thread keeps getting funnier.

Setting modesty aside I am a reasonably attractive woman.

I go to parties/evenings out in a regular basis and being fairly gregarious I chat to lots of people, male and female.

I have very, very rarely had a woman give me daggers while I talked to her partner (of either sex)

I would respectfully submit that anyone who regularly finds themselves in the position of upsetting other women while you chat to their partners might like to reconsider their approach.

Andylion · 18/05/2015 16:39

This thread keeps getting funnier.

Zippergate? Wink

LadyZip was an attention-seeking flirter. She had the more discreet option of asking her friends, but she chose to ask a stranger. OP, YANBU.

Roussette · 18/05/2015 17:43

Or Eigg there might be a very insecure wife who doesn't allow her DP to chat to any other woman for fear of him falling under that woman's spell and running off into the sunset with her hand in hand.

Not sure I have an approach when it's happened to me. I just chat pleasantly.

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 19:07

I'm not insecure, but I do know when insecure people are trying to bolster their fragile egos.

I think this was what was happening here.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 18/05/2015 19:09

Actually I agree with the OP. If it can be said that to groom another man/woman in public is the first indication that something is going on then Zip-zilla has crossed the same line. Whether she's intentionally casting her net or not, she's giving signals - not just to the OP and her husband - but to everybody else in the room. That's not on.

If my zip started sliding, I would approach ANY woman before I'd ask a man to help... unless I was sleeping with him or had extremely cordial designs on him.

OP, I'm sorry for being flippant earlier. The grooming thing popped into my head whilst I was swimming.

HerRoyalNotness · 18/05/2015 19:19

So your DH was standing there with you, his arm around your waist. This woman comes up, asks your DH to zip her up. And it didn't occur to you then, if you were uncomfortable with it, to just say "Here let me get that for you"?

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 19:35

If only more of us had your perspicacity HerRoyalNotness.

Most of us only have l'esprit de l'escalier.

But well done you.

Quietattheback · 18/05/2015 19:40

OP - I used to have a flat mate who confessed to me that she hated seeing happy couples and would get extremely jealous of the women so would purposely flirt outrageously with the man to send her a signal that "I could have him if I wanted him" and burst the women's love bubble. She almost exclusively had relationships with married/taken men. My flat mate had serious issues (probably a personality disorder), there are other women out there like her who are probably best pitied as they are in a sorry emotional and psychological state.

Shrug it off because right now you're probably giving her what she wanted.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 18/05/2015 19:46

Isn't it possible to find this strange, and at the same time not be bothered by it?

derxa · 18/05/2015 19:46

Fascinated by this thread. Just asked DH what he thought. He said, "She's flirting".

HerRoyalNotness · 18/05/2015 19:51

Well my shrewdness would perhaps be limited to "DH is going to fuck that up and catch her skin/hair/his finger in the zip" tbh limited

So yeah, I guess well done me Hmm

landrover · 18/05/2015 20:09

Why didn't you zip her up then instead?

Original poster
mynameisvivienne · 18/05/2015 20:10

I can repeat myself and say I trust my husband but it feels like it would not make the slightest bit of difference.

It has nothing to do with me not trusting him anyway. It was about the act that flirting with someone in front of their partner.

Why has someone jumped to the conclusion I would hate them at parties because they talk to men? Confused

I would find it a very odd party if the men only talked to other men and women only talked to women.

My husband can talk to whoever he wants - regardless of gender.

Also I've never once name called this woman, I don't think she is a whore in the slightest. I just didn't like her actions.

OP posts:
stopeatingbiscuits · 18/05/2015 20:14

What did your husband think Vivienne?

limitedperiodonly · 18/05/2015 20:23

Fascinated by this thread. Just asked DH what he thought. He said, "She's flirting".

And how would he take that, derxa?

Because I would be very angry with her, not because I'm insecure but because I'd take it as an aggressive act towards me.

DH would find it tiresome because he wouldn't be interested and he'd have to calm me down because this kind of thing is probably intended towards the woman as to the man.

As I've explained, DH and I have both been in the same situation.

We were not happy.

And as for people saying that they do this kind of thing for a laugh...

AngelWings74 · 18/05/2015 20:35

I don't think people should be poking fun, this is OP's life and she is clearly upset by it

RitaCrudgington · 18/05/2015 20:37

I think it's a bit flirty. Obviously nothing at all wrong with flirting with a strange man at a party - that's what parties are for. And if the man you flirt with happens to be married but you didn't know that then that's just one of those things and no harm done.

But not good form if she knew for a fact that he was there with his wife, e.g. if she'd been introduced to them as a couple, or if they were wearing matching Howard and Hilda cardigans.

(I do realise that the fact that I desperately hope they were wearing matching Howard and Hilda cardigans a) makes me a bad person b) dates me terribly c) undermines any claim I ever made to have sophisticated taste in comedy)

MrsTedCrilly · 18/05/2015 20:40

I think I am quite odd in this respect but would find it a huge turn on! Only because I'm totally secure with my partner and feel confident in myself. If he was a leary/pervy type I wouldn't like it at all as the flirting would be reciprocated.

derxa · 18/05/2015 20:42

We weren't there and we couldn't see the body language. However I'm one of the world's biggest flirts but would never have dreamt of asking another woman's husband to do up my zip whether the wife was there or not.

DadDadDad · 19/05/2015 07:22

stopeating - good question, 270 posts and we still don't know what OP's DH thought of this situation!

TheCatsMother99 · 19/05/2015 07:28

YABU.
It's a zip, he closed it. End of.

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