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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed this woman asked my husband to zip her dress up?

347 replies

mynameisvivienne · 17/05/2015 21:38

My friend had a house party last night for her birthday. She has a large kitchen so most of us were in there when a random woman asked my husband to zip her dress up as it was coming down at the back.

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before.

Aibu to have been annoyed?

OP posts:
Gabilan · 18/05/2015 12:19

Drama, you can now add "cheap" to that list. However irritating it might be, I do find it odd that people are being so judgemental about a woman who might or might not have been flirting. Without knowing what else she got up to it's impossible to say. Some of my friends would pull a zip down. Some of them would have been the reason it was down in the first place. Who knows why she did it, although it does not have to be the behaviour of a baboon (nice channelling of Amy Farrah Fowler there though).

I can understand the OP being irritated but some of the language used to describe the other woman is really quite off. I wonder what she'd think if she knew a bunch of strangers were discussing an incident she's probably entirely forgotten.

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:19

Down but why ask a stranger at all when she was with friends...?

Shakey1500 · 18/05/2015 12:20

I don't think it's a fair question tbh. "AIBU to feel annoyed?" Well if you felt annoyed, you felt annoyed? It's not for anyone to say how you felt. Now, is it reasonable to feel annoyed at a random woman asking your DH to zip up her dress? I think annoyed is unreasonable. "Bemused" would be more reasonable imo.

Would it annoy me (even if DH did have his arm around me)? Not in the slightest. I'd probably be bemused though and DH and I would most likely share a "Eh oop!" glance. But that's about it. And I probably wouldn't ask MN about it Grin unless you have other issues ref DH?

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:24

Gabi you are right some of the language used to describe this woman has been questionable (as has the language used to describe the OP).

If the person concerned was reading the thread I'd hope what she'd take from it was a lesson in etiquette and a deeper understanding of how ones actions can :

a) be perceived by others
b) reflect poorly on your own judgement and standards (fairly or not)
c) be hurtful to others

SpinDoctorOfAethelred · 18/05/2015 12:24

I can't say I'd necessarily think about why I should ask the woman or not! You might go for the one with a hand free, or the nearer one of the couple, or the less drunk one. Or you might think that the woman looks like far more of a "japester" or be concerned that she may think pulling down a zip is a laff if-a-woman-does-it.

MaidOfStars · 18/05/2015 12:24

but in those circumstances would you just explain that and ask the woman of the couple to do it?

Well, just ask either of them.

"Sorry, I need a hand with my zip and I don't trust my friends to do it up for me, would one of you mind?"

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:29

Precisely Maid nothing flirty about that approach.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 18/05/2015 12:33

Eigg
Down but why ask a stranger at all when she was with friends...?

Nail varnish/false nails/handcream...

Don't know, wasn't there. Just pointing out it's not necessarily a flirtatious gesture.

Stinkersmum · 18/05/2015 12:33

Loving all the armchair psychologists on here - how the fuck you come to the conclusion that the OP has trust issues because she doesn't like the fact some strange women asked her DH to zip her up? OP YANBU. I wouldn't like it either. And I completely trust my DH.

bottleofbeer · 18/05/2015 12:33

God, the amount of scenarios we have to imagine that make this woman entirely innocent of being really rude and having no boundaries. Chances are we can take it at face value of the op. Who was actually there. I couldn't give a monkeys if my husband is chatted up or even propositioned while I'm not there and the lady in question didn't know of my existence. It happens. But the fact she was clearly 'with' him makes this a totally different issue. Just plain old respect for his wife, you know?

TheChandler · 18/05/2015 12:34

It is quite funny though, as it makes her come across, not as some femme fatale, but as a bit desperate, an attention seeker, someone who has to ask other women's husbands for attention. Its just such a social faux pas.

Imagine if your DH had said no - that would have been even funnier. My DH is actually quite likely to say something like "No, I'd rather not" to a request like that. He was once asked at a party, while standing next to me, by a woman, "would you like to come to the toilets with me so I can smooth down your hair for you?" We still laugh at her. Although to be fair to the woman, I don't think she saw me.

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:36

Oh come on Down!! GrinGrinGrinGrin

curlyweasel · 18/05/2015 12:38

bottle word.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 18/05/2015 12:39

Ewigg
Oh come on Down!! gringringringrin

Was just admiring my lovely paint job (Chanel! Lovely MIL bought me it! I will not be doing anything which may damage my beautiful, glossy nails. You can tell I'm only used to Collection 2000 can't you Grin )

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:39

Bottle I'm extremely entertained by the efforts to make this woman a wee innocent desperately trying to find some kind person to do up her dress as her meanie/hand cream covered/technically incompetent friends can't be trusted.

GrinGrinGrin

curlyweasel · 18/05/2015 12:41

with zip phobias no doubt

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:41

Down Grin what a nice MIL!

unless all the woman's friends have similarly nice MILs she was flirting

Shakey1500 · 18/05/2015 12:42

stinkers because isn't it a bit erm...odd that someone would ask the "AIBU to be annoyed" question about something so innocuous and what, seemingly (myself included) most MNers wouldn't bat an eyelid at? Natural to ask the "Not really, unless there's something else?" question imo.

But hey ho, if not then no OP, YWNBU to feel how you felt Confused

SwanneeKazoo · 18/05/2015 12:43

I didn't realise that the world of zips was so convoluted. In the swimming pool changing room yesterday a woman asked me to undo the zip on her swimming costume (no, I've never seen a cossie with a zip at the back before either). Was she flirting?

Eigg · 18/05/2015 12:48

Shakey but it is the kind of thing you'd mention to your friends so they could be outraged on your behalf, maybe the OP's friends aren't handy and she thought we'd fill in for them.

Instead of which her mental health, sense of self worth and husband's fidelity have been called into question.

Well done Mumsnet. Go the sisterhood! Confused

SylvaniansAtEase · 18/05/2015 12:55

If she walked past her friends and came up to a man she didn't know to ask him to do her zip up then yes, she was flirting.

However, if it's any consolation OP, then I can guarantee you that the vast majority of people who witnessed that would think she was a bit of a plonker for doing it. How naff - what next, striking a Joan Collins Martini ad pose and purring 'Do you come here often? ' Hahaha. He had his arm around his partner. She was standing next to her friends. She didn't get to flex her flirting muscles and demonstrate she was the sexiest thing in the room (as she might fondly imagine) she made a very slight, almost imperceptible tit of herself. If it had been my DH I would have had to fight VERY hard to keep the smirk off my face. I think I would have had to disguise it with a very caring look and a sympathetic 'Ohhh zips aren't they the very devil darling? Don't worry, any more problems with your bits dropping and my Horace here will get it up you faster than a rat up a drainpipe.' Grin

Penguinsaresmall · 18/05/2015 12:56

She was with friends and has never met my husband (or me) ever before

She sounds a bit weird to me - why would you ask a random stranger to do anything, let alone zipping up your dress, when you are standing with friends who could do it for you Confused.

That alone would lead me to assume she was trying to flirt with my DH - and it would piss me off. Not because I don't trust DH (I do), not because I have low self-esteem (I don't), not because of anything but the fact that you don't flirt with a stranger when they are clearly 'with' somebody. It's cheap and a bit sad.

bottleofbeer · 18/05/2015 12:58

Well yes, it's way more likely that one friend had randomly just painted her nails in the middle of a party, the other had hand cream on that is really special stuff that takes 3 days to soak in and her other mate has a tendency to pull her dress off her instead of just zipping it up. Or maybe it's a magic dress that can only be fastened by men?

m0therofdragons · 18/05/2015 12:59

Flirty? Is it. I'd just assume she was standing next to him and realised so grabbed the first person to ask for help. He didn't do her bra up - it was a zip. Hmm

Shakey1500 · 18/05/2015 12:59

But it's only being called into question because she's asking the question iyswim? I see your point about asking here in lieu of friends opinions etc, though (for my part) it wouldn't be something I would call to question with friends either. And I'd not be annoyed. So the natural question would be "why are YOU annoyed".

It's a funny old world.