They have brought the fucking dog.

[Welshmaenad]

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

Wow. Just caught up with this thread.

I'm very sorry about your Dad.

I think you've handled this perfectly, and I hope they comply with your boundaries.

I can't understand people who would willingly keep a dangerous animal. I have a dog that I've trained extensively because of her aggressive behaviour, and it was fucking hard. But I did because I didn't want people to get hurt and people come first.

They sound like idiots.

Anyone wishing the dog harm should be ashamed of themselves and Rosetea your mother is an evil bitch. Dogs are like that through no fault of their own but their stupid owners.

Dogs are like that through no fault of their own but their stupid owners

I'm sure being kept in a hot car all day helps!

I've had an aggressive dog - she went outside when we had visitors - muzzle on walks - she was great at home and very living - just hated other people. I would have put people first in those situations, and you know it being the law and al that!

Unpredictable kids with an unpredictable dog is not a good combination.

OP well done on your stance and your email.

I don't trust your PILs or your ex to stick to your boundaries, this or any other time, so you are quite right to insist on having proof CD is booked into a kennel.

On another note, are the 'poor dog having posters wishing it harm/dogs are unfairly called reactive' actually reading this thread or living in some parallel universe?

We are not talking about generic animals, we are talking about a dangerous dog. Yes it's the owners' fault, not the dog's. Yes that's a shame for the dog.

But if any dog bit my kids I'd kill the fucker with my bare hands if I could. And I would wish this particular dog dead if I was OP, not just for my sake and my dc but for the dog's as PIL are terrible owners.

They aren't going to book it in the kennels. They'd rather cook and eat their precious doc than do anything you tell them to do.

Detach from it now. Tell your ex he has 24hrs to get it confirmed (with proof) or the kids won't be available that weekend. Don't bother letting the ex ILs know he can manage them now

Sorry about your dad
Hope cuntydog has been booked in the kennels

My mil is like this with her yappy little terrier. I'm allergic to some dog breeds (inc this one). She has tried to bring the dog to both a first firthday and my wedding. It's so annoying. She has no control over the thing. I'd tell them if they don't Kennal the dog they can't see the GC as the dog is clearly dangerous and make arrangements for the kids to go elsewhere if the don't.

As mimi says.

'Hi dh, have done all I can to make this contact work for you and dc, I'm sorry pil are making it difficult for you. I need to make firm plans that weekend myself so if pil haven't confirmed to you by x today then I'll book dc to be away with me that weekend and we'll reschedule your contact to x'.

"Your parents are ignorant fuckers who put their dog above their grandkids so they can piss off as far as contact is concerned". Wouldn't work too well I suppose

Just awful. Perhaps give him a deadline and say after that if there is no absolute confirmation then you're keeping the kids. That's it.
You could ring the kennel but I'm nearly sure they won't have bothered.

It's pretty clear his parents still boss him around. He's telling them to do something they don't want to do and they'll probably talk him out of it. Give him the deadline and when it passes, you tell him they can see the kids next time, assuming they provide the required kennel docs. No way can they be trusted and no way is he going to be tough with them.

I am so very sorry about your Dad OP. What an awful time for you xx

Its a great email and very fair. You have to keep your kids safe regardless of what they think

Wow. Good work welsh

I love dogs but wouldn't be happy with one that unpredictable and aggressive around any kids I might have (or me for that matter).

My GP had dogs. I loved all but one. The one was my granddads sheepdog. It was scary. Lovely looking dog but very aggressive. As kids we were told not to bother it. It barked at me once and got really snarly. Because I got too close. Never again.

The others were lovely though. Black labs and golden retrievers and a toy poodle. Oodles of woofy furry cuddle monsters.

What a situation. Dogs are what people make them so this poor dog must have had as shitbiqbers previously as your pil are now.

The hot sauce down a dogs throat was disgusting that poster and I hope your mother is punished for her cruelty with some karma. What s vile woman.

However you are totally right op children's safety is paramount. Good on you but what idiots they sound.

My totally sympathy regarding your dad. I am just off yo see my dad to help him with my mum who has altzimers. It's exhausting

Blimey.
Sorry for you loss.
Well done for leaving the spinless twoodle.

Can you not just now decide to take your children out of their equation, as they must really enjoy having so much control! They are still controlling and manipulating you with their lack of response. They are not going to reply, they are going to make you back down so the visit can proceed on their terms.

In your shoes I would send them an email saying that you are taking your children away for the bank holiday weekend yourself now, as you have not had any response to your email. They have proven that they are not able to prioritize the childrens safety with a dangerous dog, because they keep bringing the dog and making a point about letting it suffer in the car rather than letting it have fun and be well cared for in kennels. Too many children are mauled or killed by family pets because the owners are unwilling to see any fault in their pets, and you cant endanger your children.

When the dog dies, they will get a new one, so dont think the problem will end.

Next text.

Unless I hear by this evening that it has been booked, I will assume that the kids will be with me and i will plan accordingly.

Two of my children were badly bitten by other people's dogs. One required plastic surgery to restore the tissue that the dog had eaten.

It made me very nervous of dogs so I know where you are coming from.

The dog I was most worried about arrived in pil's home while I was my pregnant ...a German shepherd. I vilified this dog...hated the poor mutt with a passion and it never touched a hair of their heads.
My fil had trained it pretty well.
If this is a mean dog I would be just like you.

I am building up trust with other dogs but it's a slow process.

Oh and my fathers snappy chihuahua bit all of my kids...just warning bites...but bites all the same!

I have had no reply from ILs. I have now told ExDH several times that I need confirmation they have booked and he's being a wet blanket and saying he hasn't spoken to them about it ... DP and I are considering going away for that weekend ourselves so I can de stress after the funeral but I can't organise this until I know whether the kids will be with me or not.

You know what? You've done enough leg work OP. If no one actively gets back to you about this just take the kids away with you and think no more about it.

They certainly can't say they weren't kept in the loop. You've told them you're going away and wont leave the kids if the dogs going to be there. You've found a kennel and given them a link. You've told them you need to know. That's it. My bet is they'll all just carry on doing bugger all and you can just take the kids with you. Which is the best and safest option anyway

I think you should prepare yourself for the outcome of them rejecting your suggested kennels. They want to ignore your boundaries, regardless of common sense, so I expect your email will have infuriated them. So I second the suggestion of taking the girls away for the weekend so there's no exposure to any fallout bad behaviour or digs etc.

I agree it would be best to simply take the DCs away with you and be done with it, since the exPILs couldn't make their attitude any clearer

Just one thing, though - might this make your ex resort to lying about when they (plus dog) are going to be visiting in future? If he's as spineless as all that, might he think it would save him some bother, without thinking the DCs would mention it to you afterwards?

Nah, he knows the kids would rat him out and I'd go apeshit, he wouldn't risk it!

I can'tbelive your ex hasn't spoken to them about it. Anyone would think it's not important! They won't be seeing their grandchildren at this rate and your ex is being a weakling.

Just tell him he can't have the children this week as you are putting their welfare first.

My parents in law have a dog that has bitten me twice, of course it's my fault, my crimes were handing my husband a baby wipe (still have the scar from that one) because I 'scared' the dog, and hugging my husband, because 'the dog doesn't like it.' Well tough, I've been with DH since before you were born, you scrawny little mutt. (The dog is ridiculously spoilt, and if I have kids in it's lifetime I'm not letting them anywhere near it. If PIL don't like it, I'm not going to give a toss.) It doesn't like cats either, but I'm sure if our Josh was still alive he'd have eaten the dog. (He was huge, and a gorgeous dark grey with tabby markings and yellow eyes, and he was scary. He was a pet, but liked to walk on the wild side.)

Also, someone up thread said about cats getting together and killing dogs that are tied up. I have visions of a Top Cat type feline getting all the cats in the neighbourhood together.
"Look guys, it's that Cuntydog. Now, I know we normally fight each other, but today we are gathered here to get revenge. I have been informed that he eats cats, (other cats ) and this is for our feline brothers and sisters. Now let's get him!"

(Well it made me laugh anyway.)

Anyway, after that rant and derail. OP, I'm totally with you on this. I hope your ex-PIL either book Cuntydog into the kennel, or you keep your kids with you. I wouldn't risk it. (I think the kindest thing for the poor creature is for him to be PTS, failing that your ex-PIL. I'm not a huge animal lover but cannot stand for animals to be treated cruelly, and this is cruel.)

Apeshit is just unpleasant for a short while. Something he does not really have to worry too much about as it does not affect him long term.

You simply taking charge and showing them they have lost control, by making plans with the kids so his parents wont see them (AND manipulate and control you in the process), will have far worse consequences for him. Short and long term.