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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

They have brought the fucking dog.

318 replies

Welshmaenad · 15/05/2015 23:09

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2016 15:18

Great update and a good compromise. From what you said, I think it's unlikely they will go for this at first, at least - if at all. Maybe go and get yourself a steel umbrella to deflect the flying sparks?

sadwidow28 · 13/08/2016 15:29

Make sure the dogs vaccinations are up to date. Some kennels require Kennel Cough vaccination as well. The PIL will have to take the dog's health care card when booking the dog in. I don't want anything to go wrong at the last hurdle so this is just a heads-up.

RunnyRattata · 13/08/2016 15:29

Diddl I think it's ok. He's not much of a reader. Grin

Bogeyface · 13/08/2016 15:33

I think that it will be good for your co-parenting relationship with ex if they refuse to kennel. It will prove to him that you are not being awkward about this, that its them be deliberately obstructive to prove a point that your rules dont apply to them. It may help him stand up to them too,

Forgive me for being nosey but were the outlaws part of the reason for your split?

sadwidow28 · 13/08/2016 15:42

I do leave my dog in the car with plenty of water and solar fans - but then I walked him every hour or so. My reason for keeping him in the car was my mother and elder sister had a fear of dogs. My younger sister is allergic. My dog was safe in the car with high-level back-up plans. Where a party/wedding is in a hired venue, I speak to the manager first and agree a shaded place. I then leave my car keys at reception. Dogs can be left in cars responsibly with lots of eyes and ears monitoring them.

happypoobum · 13/08/2016 15:43

I remember Cuntydog from original postings, they really are utter bastards aren't they?

I bet you ten million pounds they will say CD can't stay in the kennels because he hasn't been vaccinated or they can't afford it, or they just plain don't want to.

The problem with a muzzle is, you cannot trust these people, who seem oblivious to the fact their dog is a cunt, to keep the muzzle on.

If it all goes tits up OP I wouldn't hesitate to say contact will be witheld until they go home. Tbh if you can, I would actually go away for a few days, stay with family or something so they can't pile the pressure on and DC don't feel they are missing out. Then they get to spend the whole week with XH after anyway.

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 15:49

Cuntydog frequently stays in kennels when they skip off in their frequent holidays do will be up to date with vaxes. Amazingly they never struggle to find kennel room for him when they're fuckingbiff to the Caribbean for a fortnight but weekends in Wales obviously pose a massive barrier.

OP posts:
augustusdecimus · 13/08/2016 16:01

Good news! Do let us know if they accept the offer or not!

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 16:14

Sent the following email to MIL, cc'ing exh.

"MIL,

ExDH has informed me that when you visit on the Bank Holiday weekend you intend to bring the dog.

As was made perfectly clear last time you turned up with it, this is not acceptable. I have very rational concerns regarding its aggression and do not consider it safe anywhere near my children. You were unable to respect the request last time to keep it in the car away from the children; also given that it is now August and likely to be hot it is cruel to leave it in the car on this visit and will, I suspect, provide you with an excuse to disrespect my boundaries again.

I have identified a boarding kennel in xxxxx that have confirmed they have space available Fri-Mon on the weekend you are visiting. The link below will take you to the online booking form or you can phone on xxxxxx. Fees are £13 per day for a standard kennel and activity packages are available from £4.50 per day. This is a kennel that specialises in dogs with aggression and behavioural problems so are well placed to deal with your dog, providing I think the perfect solution. Please can you confirm to ExDH when you have booked the dog into the kennel. I would suggest you do this ASAP whilst they still have availability. They will require proof that it is up to date with boosters including kennel cough."

I promise to keep you updated with replies.

They will Not Be Happy.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 13/08/2016 17:05

Well done, at least you have a pair of balls unlike your ex.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/08/2016 17:34

Just read the update. Great the dog is vaccinated. Their behaviour really is about control. Confused

TheLegendOfBeans · 13/08/2016 17:40

If the GPs have a problem with this then they should be put down.

Idiots.

RandomMess · 13/08/2016 17:43

Good for you, it's not like you haven't called their bluff and made it clear.

Their choice to use the option handed on a plate to them or cut of their noses to spite their face instead!

sadwidow28 · 13/08/2016 17:47

I think that message was too sharp for people you are trying to re-train about their dog.

RandomMess · 13/08/2016 17:52

Sadwidow - her ex inlaws don't care, they are NC, they have over rode previous reasoned appeals to their better nature.

ShockedABC · 13/08/2016 17:54

Oh this is good.

Will they have proof of vaccinations, I wonder?

DartmoorDoughnut · 13/08/2016 17:59

I've forgotten my vaccination cards in the past and just phoned the vets whilst at the kennels and passed the phone to the kennel owner, that's been good enough luckily!

SpaceDinosaur · 13/08/2016 18:04

They must do shocked
CuntyDog goes into kennels lots, just not when the Ex ILs are off to Wales to see the GC.

OP you are bloody lovely. I'd have gone nuclear years ago. and poisoned the little shit

Floggingmolly · 13/08/2016 18:09

£13 a day for kennels... Envy. Ours are £35!

GissASquizz · 13/08/2016 18:15

I'm just shamelessly gawping.

Samkate · 13/08/2016 18:18

I think your email is to the point and in no way rude. You said exactly what you needed to say.
And as previously said you have now done everything in your power to facilitate a safe visit.

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 18:19

I'm not trying to re-train them.

I'm trying to make it clear that decisions regarding their dog are there, but decisions regarding my children's safety are mine.

Frankly as long as my kids are safe they can do what the fuck they want shrugs .

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 18:20

*theirs not there ffs

OP posts:
ilovesprouts · 13/08/2016 18:24

Cunty dog Grin

Ijustworkhere · 13/08/2016 18:25

Sorry, I'm lurking too. For what it's worth i think you've handled it brilliantly!

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