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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

They have brought the fucking dog.

318 replies

Welshmaenad · 15/05/2015 23:09

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 18:25

ExDH just picked the kids up for contact. He hadn't read emails so I gave him an overview of what I said and told him that if they do not take advantage of the kennels I found then that's their decision, but they either reschedule when they can use their chosen kennels or accept that they will not be seeing the children.

He's not best pleased but said "ok, fine". TBH he is probably dreading the flea his mother's about to put in her ear but is also probably relieved that I'm being the bad guy and the kids get to be safe without him having to, you know, stand up to them.

In response to a question from a PP, THAT is why we're separated Grin

OP posts:
Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 18:26

*his ear, what is WRONG with me today!

OP posts:
sadwidow28 · 13/08/2016 18:27

Well I think your message focussed too.much on PIL and not your children. I would rather keep my dog away from people who don't like dogs. There are too many opportunities to say that a dog has been reactive when it hasn't.

hippydippybaloney · 13/08/2016 18:30

So sorry for your loss Flowers

They're going to find some reason why the kennel is not suitable. Partially because you chose it. I guarantee it!

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 18:32

sadwidow I love dogs. This is not a safe dog. It has put an elderly man in hospital several times after shredding his fingers with its teeth. It is snappy, growly, snarly and nearly went for me when I was pregnant with DC1. There are opportunities to say it's reactive because it's fucking reactive. I don't know how much clearer I need to be about this.

OP posts:
Chippednailvarnishing · 13/08/2016 18:38

You're being more than accommodating considering their previous behaviour.

I don't know if you're reading a different thread Sad but how much more "reactive" does the dog have to be?

almostthirty · 13/08/2016 18:50

Definitely well handled, especially after the last time. You must keep us updated there's not much on tv

SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 13/08/2016 18:51

YANBU op. Part of my day job is seeing the damage even a small dogs mouth can do to a DC. Kids skin is so soft it just breaks and doesn't stitch well. I have seen some utterly horrific dog bite wounds. I have two lovely dogs but would I trust them 100% around kids? Nope! Dogs can have a bad day and the consequences are not worth it.

Laiste · 13/08/2016 18:53

Watching. Posted on old portion of the thread. Wondered why it was familiar! You're doing really well OP.

Sorry about your Dad FlowersFlowers

Puzzledandpissedoff · 13/08/2016 19:35

Delurking to mention I just hope the "okay, fine" from your ex means he'll actually maintain some boundaries; I hate to say it, but from all you've posted I wouldn't be especially confident

It's more than clear that this is no accident on your exPIL's part but a quite deliberate decision, and since you've separated I can't help worrying that they'll take the attitude "oh we don't need to listen to Welsh now, thank goodness"

Still, you've done what you can and at least the DCs are responsible about it all ...

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 13/08/2016 21:22

Please update us. Your email was spot on. I'm not at all surprised you were able to find kennels for the dog. They didn't intend to look did they.

Masketti · 13/08/2016 22:57

Brilliant solution! Now if they disregard your boundaries they are well and truly in the shit.

WindPowerRanger · 13/08/2016 23:09

Just poison the dog? Or the ex-PIL. Either approach works.

Condolences re your father. How awful to be made to deal with all this bollocks a week later. Your ex-DH sounds like a selfish milksop for putting you in this situation.

Welshmaenad · 13/08/2016 23:20

He's just terrible at standing up to them. They are very passive-aggressively controlling - growing up with them must have been a nightmare. He's very upset about my dad too so not in the best place to be assertive with them.

Thanks for the condolences and flowers - sorting out dads funeral/estate and dealing with his crappy relatives is bad enough without worrying my children will be mauled as well Confused

OP posts:
FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 13/08/2016 23:37

What the fancy?? YaSOnbu. I think your email to them was spot on.

Sorry about your dad Flowers

Bogeyface · 13/08/2016 23:39

I agree that your email was spot on. They cannot claim any kind of misunderstanding, or bullying for that matter.

You said what was acceptable, you provided them with the solution. There is no way that, if they refuse to kennel him, they claim that there was nothing they could do!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/08/2016 11:20

Yes, excellent email - let's hope they bloody read it, unlike your exH!

Honestly, he's just got total ostrich complex, hasn't he? "Oo things are going to get rough, think I'll just stick my head in the sand til the storm blows over..." - no fuckhead, it WON'T blow over, just stand up and DEAL with it!

I'm actually almost hoping the dog bites him now... but not really because dog bites do suck. Hope it bites the ILs again though. MIL, pref.

Welshmaenad · 15/08/2016 21:45

The not-really-an-update update.

I have had no reply from ILs. I have now told ExDH several times that I need confirmation they have booked and he's being a wet blanket and saying he hasn't spoken to them about it.

I have now sent him a text saying I NEED to know its booked as DP and I are considering going away for that weekend ourselves so I can de stress after the funeral but I can't organise this until I know whether the kids will be with me or not. I am getting right cheesed off with him TBH, he needs to get a grip on this.

OP posts:
fastdaytears · 15/08/2016 21:50

Your email was great, though a shame it falls to you and not your ExH.

Chippednailvarnishing · 15/08/2016 21:53

I guess that's why he's your ex!

Boogers · 15/08/2016 22:45

You've gone out of your way to provide a solution and it's not your fault your ex in laws are thoughtless boundary pushing twats, nor your fault your ex husband is spineless in standing up to them and protecting his children from a cantankerous cunt of a dog. Stick to your guns, you're doing the right thing.

And I'm sorry for your loss Flowers Dealing with this on top of laying your father to rest isn't fair, and if I were you I'd just say sod it, the kids are going away with you and your DP after the funeral.

DeadGood · 15/08/2016 23:13

Goodluck OP. And so sorry about your dad (and your mum). It is suchlike shake that they miss out on their lovely grandchildren, while these idiots carry on. Seems so unfair.

DeadGood · 15/08/2016 23:14

*such a shame

SickInBedOnTwoChairs · 16/08/2016 02:36

Ring the kennels to see if the dog is booked in. Your ex in laws are twats!

Rumpelstiltskin143 · 16/08/2016 02:39

Quit bothering with them and just take the kids with you. Unless, of course you wanted a weekend alone Grin

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