They have brought the fucking dog.

[Welshmaenad]

I'm raging, whether that is U or not!

Quick background, I have a difficult relationship with PIL, they aren't easy people, not especially interested in our lives and visit twice a year (live 400 ish miles away) when they stay for 2-3 days in local hotel (no room here).

Historically they are very passive aggressive, unsupportive, favour BIL over DH and in my view treat him badly, they didn't even bother sending him a birthday card this year. I put them off visiting at Easter as it was the 1st anniversary of my DM's death and I couldn't deal with them, so they have come this weekend. I strategically went food shopping this evening and did not see them.

They have a very old, very horrible dog, terrier cross. It has hospitalised MILs dad several times with bad bites. It was known to be volatile and not safe with kids or cats when they adopted it, pre our children, they were its third or fourth home, other adopters returned it due to volatility. They are shit at managing it, and 50/50 baby it/kowtow to it so it thinks it's the boss, it's snappy, snarly and unpredictable and has basically gone from volatile to vile under their care. They tried bringing it once or twice on visits when DC were smaller and constantly pushed boundaries, would try to fetch it from the car halfway through a day out to be near kids, took kids to car to 'meet' it while I was occupied cooking, would make comments to DC like "oh, poor DDog, he's so sad in the car but mean mummy won't let him in the house" (it eats cats, I have four cats, I feel this is just common sense). I had to get very arsey and say NO, NO DOG before they got the message and started kennelling it.

For my own mental health, and because I have caring responsibilities for my dad, DH is entertaining them and the kids solo this weekend. They have brought the fucking dog. I have gone low level batshit and have told him that he absolutely HAS to enforce no contact or proximity between kids and dog or I will kill the three of them with my bare hands. He's rubbish at standing up to them though and I'm worried that they will ride roughshod over him as per. So I'm going to tell the kids tomorrow that the dog is horrible and they should not be anywhere near the dog and that if GM and GD bring the dog near them they should tell me.

I fear I may be overreacting a smidge because recent behaviour by inlaws means I'm more pissed off with them than usual, but I am genuinely concerned that if this thing gets near my kids, especially my very bouncy animal hugging 5 year old, that it will bite. Am I being a raving bitch or what?

Keeping your DC safe isn't manipulative.

If it were me, I would be telling DH to get that dog the hell out of my house and I wouldn't be taking no for an answer.

yep thats what i mean by lose it you may do something you rather not have done

i dont really blame my mother its a mother instinct to protect her baby but you need to try to prevent something like this from happening

OP, seriously, I don't think you're being raving bitch enough. Imagine your animal-hugging five-year-old is injured and your rule-abiding oldest DC has to live forever with having "failed" to keep their sibling safe. It's not fair to put a child in that position. (Also imagine the anger you would feel towards your DH if that happened.) And all because the PIL choose to disregard your completely reasonable boundaries and your DH is still part child himself where they're concerned. So sorry they've put you in this position.

You know the dog has a history of biting and being unpredictable and you want to keep it away from your kids, of course you're not being unreasonable. I hope they realise that they'll be responsible for any harm that comes to your child if their dog hurts them after you've warned them repeatedly about it. Are they not prepared to even put on a muzzle when it's loose around the kids?

oh god.............

the cunty dog has arrived.

have you seen that new film 'It Follows'?

Would it make any impact if you 'appealed' to your in-laws about it, and not in the nice way - make it clear that if some very unfortunate accident were to occur and the dog were to bite any of your family you would immediately have to contact the relevant people to report it and get it put down? You could go so far as to say you've actually looked into it, have the animal control or whatever it's called number and are all ready to phone the minute anything happens. Bypasses relying on your DH/kids and if they care that much about the dog I'd hope it would scare them off bringing it anywhere near dc's.

champion

YABU, OP.

For not writing the "cunty dog" in your thread title.

YANBU OP, your DH needs to stand up to them on this one and ensure the dog is kept away from the children. I'd be inclined to say the children weren't going out with PIL's if the dog was with them, I'd rather they stayed at home with me.

And it wouldn't be your issue that's preventing them from spending time with the children, it would be their choice to bring the dog you know isn't safe near children that stopped them.

But I do feel sorry for the dog as well. A collection of bad owners is almost certainly to blame for the way the dog is. Which shouldn't be your problem, but it's also not the dog's fault. I'm surprised an animal shelter would re-home so often actually, knowing it's issues and how traumatic being re-homed so many times can be for a troubled animal.

Rosetea what your Mum did was awful. It's not protecting you to torture an animal after the fact. And I say that as someone who was bitten on my face by a dog when I was seven years old. I've been wary of that breed of dog ever since but even then I knew it was the fault of neglectful owners rather than the dog itself. They had ignored what would have been a simple to treat health problem the dog had until the dog was in pain and untreatable.

so fucking what they want to see the kids. they bring the dog tough shit... no kids. you enforce the boundaries and remove the kids. they do not care enough about them to protect them so they cannot be that bothered about seeing them afterall.

So, your poor dh has the kids, his father with dementia, a mean dog and his clueless mother to deal with this weekend?

Perhaps this is the weekend he will learn to stand up to them.

My aunt was walking her little dog when the neighbours's dog put its head through the fence, and catched the little dog by the neck.

The dog didn't let go until my aunt threw a pan of boiling broth at it. Obviously, by the time she got to her kitchen and back, her little dog was dead. I don't think she "lost it", she was just trying to save her dog.

I love animals but I think that any animal that spontaneously attacks a person, be it a dog, a cat or a killer whale in a zoo, needs to be PTS.

i never said what my mother did was right i said it was instinctive a reaction understandable but something that needs to be prevented

this could have been prevented

my grandmother didnt train the animal it ruled the roost it had bitten before .then one family gathering lots of people it could easily slip out of sight

animals are not born bad they have strong instincts depending on breed on with a firm experienced hand any dog can be trained

I love dogs, they can't help the way their owners have made them behave!!! I have many years of dog experience and am quite tolerant of the more spirited of my canine brothers and sisters.

That said, YANBU and i would have gone nuclear level batshit and would not allow the dog near my DC. They are cruel to it for putting it in a stressful situation.

Tell them to fuck off

Yes but the bottom line is that such an aggreive animal shouldn't be near children regardless of what made it so violent. If it is not safe, it's not safe.

roseteapot - that was a vile disgusting thing your mother did.

FIL doesn't have dementia, it's GFIL (MILs dad) and he doesn't travel to us any more.

I have ravingbitched a bit more at DH and reminded him about how much damage my finger recently sustained when bitten by a much smaller dog (mock me all you want, I got my finger fractured by a fucking pug) and how much blood there was and he went a bit pale and has absolutely sworn that he will stand firm and not let the kids within 50 ft of the thing. Plus he knows dd will rat him out if he reneges and then I will cut his balls off with rusty secateurs.

I'm just so pissed off with the disregard and underhandedness, they didn't tell him in advance they couldn't find kennels because they knew I'd say not to bloody come!

I feel a bit sorry for the dog too, despite wishing it dead really. They have ruined it, had it been rehomed with folk in possession of a clue it might have been ok. Plus it's not going to have much fun stuck in a car all weekend. They can leave the windows down with impunity though, if anyone tries to nick the car we can hunt them down following the copious trails of blood....

Even with the windows down a bit, in the hot weather we've had last few days, you may just have your wish and the dog will be dead, in a tortuous manner too. I think crappy owners like the dogs previous and current are the ones need putting down, not the poor animals!

i was a toddler there was probably blood everywhere this was a incredibly traumatic experience not just for myself but for my mother.I never said what she did was right but you never know what you will do when pushed to that point.

i never said she was right but i understand why she did it

in a very bad situation people dont tend to act rationally more instinctive

my mother was a nanny,a church going woman who would bake cakes for our church every sunday.She helped parents struggling to cope on our street nothing but self less, yet snapped

do you know your breaking point does any of us really know our breaking point

i hope they put the dog in a kennel next time its only a matter of time before it bites someone and the authorities will put it down

My dog bit my DD, i didn't pour sauce down his throat

Of course they could find kennels, they just chose not to because they thought with you occupied elsewhere they could do what they like

Oh no Welsh - I'm pretty sure I was on your Easter thread too!

I agree that it's not manipulative to remind ALL your children that cuntydog is dangerous and WILL bite them, so they must stay away from it ALL THE TIME, even if granma says it's ok. It isn't and they must believe you, not her. And tell them it's ok to remind Daddy in a very loud voice that they're not allowed anywhere near the dog because it bites people.

Dreadful people

I too would suggest your DH points out that if the dog goes near the dc (or the cats) he will see to it it is put down.

If the love their dog they better keep it away.

Ah, well I see I didn't comment on your last thread, but I definitely remember reading it!

"It’s against the law to let a dog be dangerously out of control anywhere, eg:

in a public place
in a private place (eg a neighbour’s house or garden)
in the owner’s home
The law applies to all dogs.

Some types of dogs are banned.

Out of control
Your dog is considered dangerously out of control if it:

injures someone
makes someone worried that it might injure them
A court could also decide that your dog is dangerously out of control if:

it injures someone’s animal
the owner of the animal thinks they could be injured if they tried to stop your dog attacking their animal"

You may also want to point out they can be fined or inprisoned just for having an out of control dog.
If said dog actually injures someone they can get up to 5 years in jail.

I don't think a proximity rule is going to work, and I think that having 'got away with it' once they'll do it again. I would be saying that the dog stays in the hotel room while they are with your kids, or the kids don't go. One of them can go back in the middle of the day and walk it. But the dog does not come within sight of your kids. No one there will be able to prevent it going off on one if the mood arises.