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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be miffed at nursery?

262 replies

mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 09:32

Following on from an earlier thread where DS' keyworker will be swapping rooms with a worker from the toddelr room (who will become his keyworker) she had her first day in the baby room with him yesterday. When I usually call to see how he's getting on I'm told how he is, what he's been upto/ate/drank/slept etc and feel really happy with that. I called yesterday and the new keyworker answered and just said "yep, he's fine" and didnt divulge anything else. I was a bit taken aback and just finished the call. Afterwards I thought "No, I want to know how he is (and book his parents evening)" so I called back to one of the usual workers answered and I got the usual update as to how he had been.

I thought maybe she was just busy and brushed it off. I got home last night and mentioned it it DH who wasn't impressed. He said when he got there, the keyworker was changing DS and handed DS back to DH without any trousers on and handed him the trousers too so DH had to struggle to put them on in the nursery room. Previously when DS had been in the middle of being changed when DH arrives, the keyworker/other workers would dress him fully.

AIBU that Im not happy with this sudden change? Should we just see how it goes or mention something?

OP posts:
CrystalHaze · 13/05/2015 13:23

It was probably really easy to miss that charming little comment amongst the avalanche of posts telling everyone who thought she was BU to eff off, Feminine Wink

Feminine · 13/05/2015 13:30

Grin chrystal

Feminine · 13/05/2015 13:32

And now l've spelt your name wrong again! Blush

RabidFairy · 13/05/2015 13:37

Wow, OP, you were really spoiling for a fight, weren't you?

I think YABU for being miffed at nursery given they've done nothing badly here.

Also to answer your earlier, probably rhetorical question, no I don't give much thought to my kids at nursery when I'm at work. I trust the nursery to care for them while I'm at work, 4 days a week. My DD goes to school now and equally I assume she will be well cared for and educated while under their supervision.

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:39

The new key worker has only been in the baby room for a day or so - it's far too soon to be jumping to conclusions about her based on 2 very minor issues. Especially as you could have asked for more detail in the initial call.

FWIW, the staff at my DC's nursery have always said that I'm welcome to call at any time if I want to check how they're doing. Typically I only call if they've been unusually fussy at drop off, or if I forgot to mention something to the staff at drop off. I don't think it's normal or necessary to call every day for updates - usually there's a chance for a quick chat about the day at pick-up anyway.

But it's easy to see how a "you're welcome to call us" could be (mis)interpreted as "we'll happily give you detailed updates on your DC several times a day", especially if a parent is anxious about leaving a child at nursery.

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:40

The new key worker has only been in the baby room for a day or so - it's far too soon to be jumping to conclusions about her based on 2 very minor issues. Especially as you could have asked for more detail in the initial call.

FWIW, the staff at my DC's nursery have always said that I'm welcome to call at any time if I want to check how they're doing. Typically I only call if they've been unusually fussy at drop off, or if I forgot to mention something to the staff at drop off. I don't think it's normal or necessary to call every day for updates - usually there's a chance for a quick chat about the day at pick-up anyway.

But it's easy to see how a "you're welcome to call us" could be (mis)interpreted as "we'll happily give you detailed updates on your DC several times a day", especially if a parent is anxious about leaving a child at nursery.

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:40

The new key worker has only been in the baby room for a day or so - it's far too soon to be jumping to conclusions about her based on 2 very minor issues. Especially as you could have asked for more detail in the initial call.

FWIW, the staff at my DC's nursery have always said that I'm welcome to call at any time if I want to check how they're doing. Typically I only call if they've been unusually fussy at drop off, or if I forgot to mention something to the staff at drop off. I don't think it's normal or necessary to call every day for updates - usually there's a chance for a quick chat about the day at pick-up anyway.

But it's easy to see how a "you're welcome to call us" could be (mis)interpreted as "we'll happily give you detailed updates on your DC several times a day", especially if a parent is anxious about leaving a child at nursery.

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:47

Sorry for the multiple posts! Blush

On mobile and it's playing up Blush

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:48

Sorry for the multiple posts! Blush

On mobile and it's playing up Blush

ShadowFire · 13/05/2015 13:48

Sorry for the multiple posts! Blush

On mobile and it's playing up Blush

DearGirl · 13/05/2015 13:51

I was a nursery room leader for the 1-2s and every day after lunch I would have a pile of paperwork, diaries to write, cleaning to do yet 1 mother would always call me for a detailed update. Thankfully she was the only 1. We write diaries and of there's a major problem then call but basically it was a pita.

Chunkymonkey79 · 13/05/2015 13:57

Yabvu. And over reacting .

A father can quite easily put pants back on without 'struggling'.

You don't need to phone that often either unless there has been a specific issue to follow up surely!

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 14:21

Dear all,

I apologise for the outburst earlier. I have been reading your responses (some which have been quite upsetting) and it has made me wonder whether I really am the hapless mother you all seem to assume and whether there are deeper issues.

I apologise for my outbursts suggesting those who don't call dont love their children - this was misdirect, unfair and rude. I wish I had your courage not to call the nursery and just let them get on.

Thank you to those who gave kind, empathetic responses.

I am just concerned over what appears to be a change in attitude from 3 lovely KW's who without my asking have been very forthcoming to a KW who doesnt proffer much information and made me feel a bit stumped as I havent experienced this before.

I think maybe as someone suggested, it is because we are "losing" DS' keyworker who we and he has a bond with this has unsettled me.

I promise, 100% I am not foul mouthed or rude IRL. I am suffering from depression post baby (which hasn't/wasn't) diagnosed as pnd and I wonder now whether I am suffering from some form of Mum Separation Anxiety if such a thing exists. My son consumes my thoughts and on taking a step back, maybe calling isn't the right thing to do unless there is a reason.

I am sat here welling up whilst writing this because you have all seen a side of me which isnt really me.

And for that I apologise.

MrsNLW

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 13/05/2015 14:25

It was very big of you to come back and apologise. I hope you are receiving help for your PND and you start to feel better soon. Don't be afraid to go back to the drs if you are still in need of assistance. Flowers

AuntyMag10 · 13/05/2015 14:29

Ah good on you for coming back and explaining what's going on op. This makes your feelings towards the nursery not all that unreasonable given the context. I hope you are receiving support for your pnd.

tbtc · 13/05/2015 14:29

mrs

I think you should set up a meeting with the nursery.

They should do all they can to alleviate your concerns. There is NOTHING wrong with feeling anxious about leaving your son. Maybe they can work with you on creating a plan that both sides are happy with.

You can't love a child too much, but when you trust someone else to look after them you do have to learn to let go a little bit and well...trust them.

The thing I loved about childcare was that it was like Xmas morning every single time you went to collect them.

I still feel like that at school pick up time (my youngest son is 6) even if he promptly turns into a little demon and I start counting the hours until bed time

DeeWe · 13/05/2015 14:29

But everyone's missed the obvious:
Surely the keyworker had to rush off to answer the telephone to give a detailed report on someone else's child and didn't have time to put on the trousers?

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 14:30

Giles and Aaunty I havent been diagnosed with PND, just my ugly old depression coming back. I am scared to ask about pnd.

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 13/05/2015 14:36

FlowersBrewCake

CrystalHaze · 13/05/2015 14:37

That's a very brave post, mrs, thank you so much for coming back and for having the courage to post it. Flowers

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 14:38

I'm sorry everyone

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 13/05/2015 14:40

Don't be scared. go see the Dr you trust at your surgery and tell them how your feelings g and go from.there. It's nothing to be ashamed of and something you shouldn't have to live with. Flowers

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 14:42

Im just scared by admitting everything, it makes me a failure.

OP posts:
Royalsighness · 13/05/2015 14:42

YABU.

Why do you call in the day? The staff at nurseries are rushed off their feet as it is, if everyone phoned like you they would never be able to actually look after any children. If you don't trust the nursery with your child all day and have time to worry about what they are up to, why are you sending them to nursery?

And as for getting your husband to put his own child's trousers on, I don't even know what to say to that?

BarbarianMum · 13/05/2015 14:44

Royal Please read the Op's last couple of posts. They put a whole new slant on the situation.

Flowers OP