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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be miffed at nursery?

262 replies

mrsnlw2012 · 13/05/2015 09:32

Following on from an earlier thread where DS' keyworker will be swapping rooms with a worker from the toddelr room (who will become his keyworker) she had her first day in the baby room with him yesterday. When I usually call to see how he's getting on I'm told how he is, what he's been upto/ate/drank/slept etc and feel really happy with that. I called yesterday and the new keyworker answered and just said "yep, he's fine" and didnt divulge anything else. I was a bit taken aback and just finished the call. Afterwards I thought "No, I want to know how he is (and book his parents evening)" so I called back to one of the usual workers answered and I got the usual update as to how he had been.

I thought maybe she was just busy and brushed it off. I got home last night and mentioned it it DH who wasn't impressed. He said when he got there, the keyworker was changing DS and handed DS back to DH without any trousers on and handed him the trousers too so DH had to struggle to put them on in the nursery room. Previously when DS had been in the middle of being changed when DH arrives, the keyworker/other workers would dress him fully.

AIBU that Im not happy with this sudden change? Should we just see how it goes or mention something?

OP posts:
paddlenorapaddle · 13/05/2015 18:27

Have you ever considered the fact that the workers may have changed because the old key worker can't cope with this any more ? and you are being weaned off your day time calls/neediness in the most diplomatic way possible ?

As for your DH not doing the trousers at handover I just find that odd perhaps your child wanted its father and therefore she handed the child over with the trousers.

As for the end of day update we have this at handover everyday and yes its useful. I resent your tone that because I don't call during the day I love my child less.

I would suggest that you communicate your needs in writing and then deal with the response appropriately.

Fairy13 · 13/05/2015 18:55

Op I think you have been really brave coming back, and your big update had me welling up.

I had PND, just coming out the other side now 2yeats on... It's horrible, awful.

I don't think calling every day is a problem if it is what you need, but I do think it would do you some good to have a chat with your GP.

ipswichwitch · 13/05/2015 19:37

It does sound like you are struggling with some anxiety here. It's certainly not unusual - my SIL must call MIL 10+ times a day when she has her DC!

You are certainly not a failure, don't ever think that. It's taken some courage to come back and post what you have, and I commend you for it. A chat with your GP may help, and hopefully help you find ways to overcome this. Maybe try a gentle weaning off the phone calls - perhaps try making it later and later each day until it's almost pick up time and therefore not worth doing rather than trying to stop "cold turkey" as it were. I'd definitely try to chat more with the keyworker at pick up too. Get to know her a little better which might help alleviate some of the anxiety. Good luck Flowers

ohdearitshappeningtome · 13/05/2015 22:04

Are you ok op?

tbtc · 13/05/2015 22:46

paddle you need to read the whole thread.

grumpalumpgrumped · 13/05/2015 22:51

As a nursery manager we do receive phone call every day from some parents, we don't mind, sometimes we have time to chat, others its quick.

We do see some parents who really struggle when their child moves key person. It takes time to develop a relationship of trust. Can you book an appointment to chat through things with the new key person. I would be honest, say you find it difficult not to call. She may have thought you calling was because you didn't trust her, rather than something you do, or it may just have caught her off guard.

I had PND with my first, I struggled massively and used to make my mum fill in a diary with how many spoons he ate of each meal etc. Not saying you have PND but I knew my anxiety was not normal and wish someone else had pointed it out.

Summerisle1 · 13/05/2015 23:05

I'm so glad I read the whole thread. Good on you, OP for coming back with such an honest update. That was very courageous of you and I can understand why you are feeling about anxious over the change of key worker. I'd also second the advice given upthread about getting to know her better so that she can understand where you are coming from. I'm sure if you can reach an understanding your anxiety will lessen and with it, your need to have such a comprehensive report over the phone every day.

WilburIsSomePig · 14/05/2015 06:59

OP I was like you after I had DS. Its awful. I couldn't think about anything else and I was obsessed, overbearing and controlled every aspect of his being excluding everything else. (I'm not saying you do this). My anxiety was through the roof and when DH pointed out that setting my alarm for 4.30 am so that I could get up and take the husks off sweet corn as I didn't want him to digest them was fucking nuts, I realised I had to do something. I was turning my baby into an anxious child. I got help and now I'm pretty chilled to be honest. Ironically my second child does hace severe health issues but, with help, I can manage things so much better now.

Lots of love.

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 14/05/2015 08:42

Thanks for all of your lovely messages. I think I have realised I do need to take a step back and let things be. I know it may sound bonkers but ;last night on my way walking in there was some leaflet on the floor about a fresh start and I thought yep. I'm going to have one. We went in, had tea, and instead of rushing around to get everything tidy and whatnot, I sat and had good quality time with DS before bedtime.

I dropped him at nursery this morning with a quick, "I think he's teething, there's some powder in his bag" and not the usual lingering for a chat. As I was filling in the medicine form, the worker had him sat on her lap playing in the sand - he hadnt even noticed I was "gone (behind his line of sight).

I am truly sorry for my outbusts yesterday but I think I needed it, and the responses to realise what a nutter dragon I have become!

OP posts:
Springtimemama · 14/05/2015 09:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuntasticUsername · 14/05/2015 09:24

Aw OP Thanks. Respect for you through the ROOF right now!

Nine OPs out of ten wouldn't have come back to this thread to give the very brave and honest updates that you have done. I'm really glad the thread has helped you, even though it was a bit painful! You're doing tremendously well to have recognised that your anxiety is probably excessive under the circumstances, and to be taking the steps to get the help you need.

Of course you're not a failure. Nothing like it. You sound like a strong woman and an amazing mum. And yet, it's something I've said to myself a hundred times, when I've been in positions similar to yours. Why do we do this to ourselves? I don't know, but it can be so tough to deal with life sometimes. You have my every sympathy.

YANAgurl1973 · 14/05/2015 09:34

Aww well done op
I understand how u must be feeling. I suffer with anxiety too and have had pnd.x

ohdearitshappeningtome · 14/05/2015 10:29

The first step in dealing with an issue is recognising there is an issue.

Good luck

MissDuke · 14/05/2015 10:35

Well done op!

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/05/2015 10:42

That sounds lovely Smile

that's a huge step op well done.

enjoy some quiet and a CakeBrew

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 14/05/2015 11:04

If only Giles I am at work lol

OP posts:
Gileswithachainsaw · 14/05/2015 11:07

time to book a day off Wink

WhitePhantom · 14/05/2015 11:24

OP fair play to you for coming back, and I'm really sorry for my post yesterday. I thought you were a nutter but you're just upset and anxious and I feel awful for adding to that Sad . I really do apologise from the bottom of my heart.

I'm glad you're feeling better today, and these are for you Flowers

MakeItACider · 14/05/2015 11:24

Oh well done! You have every right to be so proud of yourself.

It is hard, but as they grow up you do need to gradually let go of your grip, and give your children independence.

I can see the mums who haven't managed it at school - and they are emotional basket cases. They are constantly nervous, never comfortable, always trying to get the teacher for a chat, (alienating said teachers!!).

It's really sad to see it, especially as one of them in particular is really nice. Its just very off putting to constantly be cornered and questioned how your child is doing so that she can make comparisons.

Waltermittythesequel · 14/05/2015 11:50

Well done. Cake for lunch!

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 14/05/2015 11:51

Its 11.51... I an DYING to call lol

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 14/05/2015 11:55

Well, don't upset yourself too much either.

Say to yourself 'i'll wait until after lunch' for example.

If you start to feel really anxious, call and check but limit the call to a quick 'all ok?' 'Yep' 'thanks, bye'.

Original poster
mrsnlw2012 · 14/05/2015 12:01

Walter I'm actually laughing at myself that Im dying to call lol Smile

He's had some super pooper explosions in the last day so Im not sure if its teeth/intolerance/bug all of which are possible atm. Not sure thats a reason to call tho lol

OP posts:
YouPooPooBumBum · 14/05/2015 12:02

You are not a nutter or a dragon!
Depression is an illness, like a previous poster said - like getting the flu.
FlowersBrewCake

Springtimemama · 14/05/2015 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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