to be miffed at nursery?

[mrsnlw2012]

Following on from an earlier thread where DS' keyworker will be swapping rooms with a worker from the toddelr room (who will become his keyworker) she had her first day in the baby room with him yesterday. When I usually call to see how he's getting on I'm told how he is, what he's been upto/ate/drank/slept etc and feel really happy with that. I called yesterday and the new keyworker answered and just said "yep, he's fine" and didnt divulge anything else. I was a bit taken aback and just finished the call. Afterwards I thought "No, I want to know how he is (and book his parents evening)" so I called back to one of the usual workers answered and I got the usual update as to how he had been.

I thought maybe she was just busy and brushed it off. I got home last night and mentioned it it DH who wasn't impressed. He said when he got there, the keyworker was changing DS and handed DS back to DH without any trousers on and handed him the trousers too so DH had to struggle to put them on in the nursery room. Previously when DS had been in the middle of being changed when DH arrives, the keyworker/other workers would dress him fully.

AIBU that Im not happy with this sudden change? Should we just see how it goes or mention something?

Meant to say - OP you've made my day. You're highly entertainingly by being both unreasonable and breathtakingly rude!

OP, do you trust the nursery to look after your child or not?

If you do trust them, let them do their job, which is looking after all the babies and not spending time on unnecessary phonecalls. If you trust them, your trust will include that they will call if they need to.

If you don't trust them, would I be right in assuming that you can't love your DS very much if you leave him in such an untrustworthy place? Or would that be unreasonable of me to suggest so?

This thread is why I love mumsnet. Someone asks AIBU & get an overwhelming yes response & then they don't like it. Why ask?
I also find the suggestion that I don't love my DS just because I don't ring every day utterly disgusting. I drop my childminder a quick text if he is out of sorts or if we've been away or something to check he's ok but that's it & he does have a potential life threatening medical condition & is my absolute world!

I can understand your concerns, I struggled with leaving my DD in nursery as a baby, I imagine/hope that the trouser thing probably wouldn't have botherd you in isolation but after the call and change of key worker you had been stressing about little one in Nursery and it had likely on been on your mind all afternoon. If I collect my DD from nursery and she is mid way through getting dressed I normally finish it for her, its really not a biggie, don't worry about that.

Regards the call I would just say that when you call that you would like a quick run down of what has happened so far that day. I don't think that its wrong to call if you want to, our Nursery actually encourage a call at that age. I did but infrequently and I only call now if there is something unusal like return after illness or if I forgot to take something etc. However you should have asked for the run down rather than ending the call and having this on your mind all afternoon.

Its stressful having a little one in childcare, it gets easier I promise! my DD sometimes skips into the nursery now. (she is 2.5 years now).

Just to point out.
I don't think op claimed that those who didn't call didn't love their children.

It was in her list if reasons why a parent might call.

DS has serious medical problems. Nursery would have been happy for me to phone daily BUT I didn't, simply because they are too busy caring for the children to waste time chatting to parents.

You phoned and were told he was fine. Even with medical problems what more did you want?

A sort of 'just because'

My 3 year old started nursery a month ago. She goes 3 days a week. I called nursery on her first day to see how she was settling in. I haven't called since. They are SO busy and if there was any problem they will call me. The trouser thing? I'm sure any nursery worker would do the same if a parent was standing there?

'...It's a very human business'

Agreed.

But why then should we accept lower standards of service when looking after humans than we would when ordering a coffee in a high street coffee shop or any service based industry?

You may argue that fee paying schools cannot be considered in the same way as 'basic supplier/customer' contracts but many senior managers initially thought that when University tuition fees were brought in. Education provision in HE is now very much student led and concerned with managing customer expectations amidst the constant threat from the compensation culture generation.

Personally, I think we should all be insisting on high standards of care, whoever it's for. There would be fewer cases of elderly abuse if we all did this. (Obviously, this has to be paid for in terms of better training and higher wages but I think it's essential for a healthy modern society.)

If your idea of high standards is sitting by a phone all day when there's nothing to say on the off chance someone calls for an update on a kid they dropped of an hour ago in high spirits and good health then I'd not want to drink at your coffee shop either.

sod waiting in line for my order whilst the machine is kept free incase someone phones an order in....

Mrsn/clumsy I applaud your bravery for posting in AIBU and then acting like an unhinged gob shite when pp dared to question and disagree with you.

The insinuation that people don't love their dc as much as you because they don't phone the nursery for a running commentary every single day is offensive and laughable. In your world I must hate my ds, I only phoned the nursery on his first day and shoot me down and phone ss I even send him in when I am neither working or in college

If your dc has only just started and is in his first week then I guess you could be forgiven for being somewhat over anxious but I don't think this is the case. Equally I think the omission in your OP regarding dc's apparent health issues is very telling and I think a pp was spot on, you have simply added it in as you have been incredibly rude and obnoxious and you seem to think this adds weight to your case and credence to your attitude. That is so, so wrong IMO.

How is "high standards of care" taking time away from the children you're caring for talk on the phone? Presumably in that time another worker is having to double up on their load.

I'd rather have a well made coffee than a barista who takes time away from making it to talk to me about it.

Oh and if your child has health issues,and they tell u to call don't you think you should have stated this in your original post? I bet you would have gotten totally different answers from all of us.

clumsy would also likely complain if observations and paperwork weren't kept up to date as parents started demanding hourly feed back via phone.

It's a very strange health condition that is so serious it requires a mid-afternoon update rather than waiting til pick up time. Presumably it has symptoms that staff would pick up on if a problem arose and so could call you if necessary?

Whatever....I'm not the OP.

Apparently the nursery previously provided regular updates to the OP but this has changed with a new (lazy?) key worker. If it wasn't an issue for the nursery before, why should it be now?

I think it's entirely reasonable that the OP speaks to the manager to find out.

As another mother of a DD with serious ( life threatening) health issues, I completely agree with zzzzz. I know how terrifying it can be to put your DC in nursery, especially if they have recently been hospitalised, so I sympathise with your need for reassurance. Do you have a good care plan in place? do you trust the person looking after your DS knows how to respond to a medical emergency, and that they know enough about his medical condition and what his base sats, temp etc. are should he need to be hospitalised? If the answer to those 2 questions are yes, then in the gentlest possible way, a "he's fine" is probably enough for during the day, with a more detailed summary when you pick him up.

Feminine, the OP very maturely stated that I 'presumably [don't] give a shit' about my children when I asked if other issues (such as guilt about working) were escalating her concerns.

That's another way of saying that I don't love my children, isn't it?

Wonder if the OP will show her sweary face on this thread again? Maybe we'll C [her] Next Tuesday?

I've been on MN a long time, I have seen many hundreds of debates about WOHM vs SAHM and seen people accuse others of not caring as much about their children because they do/don't work (delete as appropriate).

But until today I had never seen a WOHM imply that other WOHMs don't care as much about their children as she does because they don't ring the nursery as often. And yes, I know she didn't say that, but there was an implication in the tone of the post...

So, bravo OP for opening up a whole new area of debate

And on a serious note, OP, you sound very anxious, both by your reaction to the phonecall with nursery and with your aggressive responses to those who disagreed with you. Is everything OK? Is this really about the nursery, or is something else bothering you?

I think the OP is going out of their way to find something wrong because of the keyworker change.

Okay chrystal sorry.
I was basing it on another post!

I understand your feelings but I would want nursery workers giving details on the phone during the day unless there is a problem
Surely their job it to take care of your son rather than discuss his progress with you
Sorry

OP just out of interest, how are you going to cope when your dc moves up and the ratio for carers to children goes down? Will you still be expecting to be able to phone every single day so they can tell you the ins and outs of a ducks arse? You know less carers+more children=less time for phone calls don't you?