to be miffed at nursery?

[mrsnlw2012]

Following on from an earlier thread where DS' keyworker will be swapping rooms with a worker from the toddelr room (who will become his keyworker) she had her first day in the baby room with him yesterday. When I usually call to see how he's getting on I'm told how he is, what he's been upto/ate/drank/slept etc and feel really happy with that. I called yesterday and the new keyworker answered and just said "yep, he's fine" and didnt divulge anything else. I was a bit taken aback and just finished the call. Afterwards I thought "No, I want to know how he is (and book his parents evening)" so I called back to one of the usual workers answered and I got the usual update as to how he had been.

I thought maybe she was just busy and brushed it off. I got home last night and mentioned it it DH who wasn't impressed. He said when he got there, the keyworker was changing DS and handed DS back to DH without any trousers on and handed him the trousers too so DH had to struggle to put them on in the nursery room. Previously when DS had been in the middle of being changed when DH arrives, the keyworker/other workers would dress him fully.

AIBU that Im not happy with this sudden change? Should we just see how it goes or mention something?

Clumsy are you a nursery nurse?
There's very little difference in most ways between a private nursery and a pre school. The staff follow the same endless guidelines, engage with the children in the same way, usually have to be more involved with day to day care in some ways because of naps, toilet training etc.
Believe me the staff don't sit on their arses all day gossiping while the children play.
The fact that parents pay to send their child to a private nursery does not mean that they are required to drop everything and have a detailed conversation with parents during the session. It takes away attention from the children in the setting and does nothing to help the parent become comfortable with leaving their child there.
Constant phoning helps no one.

Clumsy, I would far rather they were looking after the children than talking unnecessarily to parents on the phone. What's out of date about that?! If anything it means my standards are high!

coffee as a new client I expect they want to settle you both in and are happy for you to call. But is it reasonable for potentially every parent to call every day for the years a child may be there? I think not.

I am obviously not saying parents SHOULD call everyday. But the ones that do, do. It's just how they are. Doesn't mean they care more or less, some people just worry more than others, or just have a certain way of doing things.

My OH is in contact with his family daily, mine are weekly if that. Both live same distance, both love them the same. Just do things differently.

Haha
Bonkers thread
I manage a nursery with all manner if children and parents
Some children have life threatening allergies andcorwr serious health conditions. Their parents don't ring every day.
I guess it's because they have complete faith and trust us to care for their children
I don't mind parents ringing on their first day or if they were out of sorts when dropped off, but every day? No. You would be views as one of those parents
As for the trousers, that's just daft. I imagine your toddler was keen to be with daddy so it probably seemed the easiet thing to do
You have been very rude to posters on this thread so I can completely understand why the practitioner didn't want to engage with you on the phone. I expect she was warned by the others about you
If you are not happy with the nursery then find another one

Nicknacky

But is it reasonable for potentially every parent to call every day for the years a child may be there? I think not.

But the nurseries KNOW every parent won't, some never ring, some ring if their child seemed a bit off, others ring everyday. Obviously there would be different rules if every parent felt the need to ring daily. But they don't, so it's easily manageable to cater to the parents that do.

Just like the nursery with the online profiles for the children I am with. They said they used to do manual updates and take and print photos and make a weekly file, but they stopped bothering because some parents never looked at them or picked them up, as long as child was happy they weren't bothered, and some parents picked them up religiously and went through them with staff and asked questions. They decided to do it online so they could interact more with the parents who wanted to and not but unnecessary effort into making files some parents don't bother with.

Every parent is different with different needs, so they manage it. If they became unmanageable obviously they would put in a "don't call us we'll call you" policy.

I don't mind parents ringing on their first day or if they were out of sorts when dropped off, but every day? No. You would be views as one of those parents

As a nursery manager I would think you would understand some people just worry more than others, it's not that they don't trust you, but just need their mind putting at risk, it's not just the children that can't cope with separation very well.

I wouldn't call everyday despite worrying, as I make a personal effort to control necessary worrying, but some people just can't and that one minute of a phone call can ease their mind.

But why would a parent need to call every day? That's what I don't understand. You are right most parents don't, and quite honestly they shouldn't be calling very day if there is no concerns.

*putting at rest

Clumsy - to compare any kind of childcare to a coffee shop is just odd. They are a business but it's a very human business. It's just odd that someone would get cross about a trouserless baby or a shorter than expected response to a phone call. The service you are paying for is for people to care for your child - neither of OP's 'complaints' suggest that she is not getting the service she pays for.

Have the same issue at our school. Some people think because it's independent and they pay that they are customers and can demand meetings and feedback (and changes when they want.) IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT. This is not a conventional supplier/customer relationship. You choose the nursery/nanny/childminder/school because you like them and trust them and like the way they do things. If you then micromanage them, you undermine the very foundation of the relationship.

Costa Coffee indeed.......

Clumsy

But that one minute for the parent isn't only one minute for the staff if lots of parents do it!! Parents need to manage their own anxieties if it's that bad. I'm being harsh, but if you are that anxious you need to call then you should try other coping strategies. You cant expect to call the school everyday.

But why would a parent need to call every day? That's what I don't understand. You are right most parents don't, and quite honestly they shouldn't be calling very day if there is no concerns.

Just like everything else in life, some people worry, some people are control freaks. And for a day's worth of worrying, one minute out of someone elses time can relax them....

I only say this from experience with my own mum. She was a panicker. And me just letting her know everyday for a moment that everything was ok when I was away, made her day much easier. (I had a few brushes with death as a baby and I think it just put her on edge from then on even when I was an adult)

I'm not saying it's normal. But I understand why some people are that way.

To give the OP a little credit maybe it wAs a case of anxious mum of pfb and they said feel free to call any time. Every day if you want. And it was taken a bit too literally.

But that one minute for the parent isn't only one minute for the staff if lots of parents do it!

But lots of parents don't so there is no point imagining that situation.

IF every parent did ring everyday, obviously nurseries would have to approach that issue and communicate with parents that it is unnecessary. Or like my Nursery, they would stop saying "call as often as you want, we don't mind"

They would change it to "don't worry, we will always call you if anything comes up" Obviously they would, doesn't need saying.

Another yabu from me.
I can't believe you thought the responses were rude to begin with, they weren't they were just disagreeing with you.
Your responses have been disgusting.
You've really insinuated people on here don't care about their children like you do.
Calling everyday is ott and this is coming from someone with anxiety!
She said your child was ok, that should have been enough!
If something was wrong she would have said.
Really don't see what was wrong with her giving your oh your dc and trousers. Child has been at nursery all day, sees his dad sure just wants to be with them!
I'm sure he can dress his own child.

It's feasible for a few parents to call, time wise, but obviously not all (100 calls a day at 2-3minutes each - that's a whole afternoon taken up just with calls!) I'm sure some nurseries are aware of the high maintenance parents and aim to placate them. That doesn't mean that it's reasonable though.

OP, I think most parents would step in if they arrived and their DC was being changed. Does your DH not have arms?

Just to clarify I think the OP is being unreasonable, mainly because the nursery still did tell her her little one was ok, and also because she is judging others who don't do what she does.

I'm simply defending the people who do call everyday.

Like I said, everyone is different.

And the pants thing is just daft. Any parent would probably say "here I'll finish that I'm here now"

I call nursery every day. It's not because I don't trust them, it's because I miss DS and it makes the day at work more bearable. I have a great relationship with the staff and they know it's why I call.
Sometimes I get a 5 minute chat and I have a laugh and catch up with his key worker (and talk about her children too), sometimes it's 30 seconds of he's done XYZ and is really happy. So in my eyes, YANBU to call everyday.

However YABU to be annoyed about not getting a full update everytime you call. YABVU to complain about them not putting trousers on and your DH "struggling". That's crazy. If I went in and DS needed changing or was mid change, I'd always say to them - it's OK I'll finish it, you've got loads else to do.Wouldn't even cross my mind to be annoyed they didn't dress him while I was stood there doing nothing!

Completely agree with you notfromstepford And I don't think the nursery will think of you as "one of those mums" they aren't all that judgmental like that.

Completely agree with you on the pants. How do you struggle putting pants on your child.

How old is your child op? Do they attend nursery all day? Or small sessions?

Your responses have been quite abrupt and rude and appalling. Nobody swore at you.

My son 13months go to a child minder. I work three days a week. I only hear from her when he's poorly and I have to collect him, or she sends me pics of his current activity of the day. Other than that I don't hear from her. Why should I? I chose her. I chose to trust her to nurture and guide my son when I can't! He lives going to her and she loves minding him. Your anxiety around simple stuff is quite unnerving and worrying. Your dh is capable of putting on his child's clothes, unless he has a sexist problem that woman should be the only people to care/dress kids, if that's the case you have a major problem. It doesn't sound like the nursery did anything wrong, she told you he was fine. I'm not sure what you want, a hour by hour run down of his schedule ? While your expecting a detailed run down, that nn is away from another child whom they are responsible for? Your child doesn't warrant more of her time than the other, and if your child has certain requirements perhaps you should look at at bother nursery that is more suitable for your child.

Did you have a transfer of KW meeting with both KWs?
I would have expected that and that obviously would have been the time to remind the new KW that you have been asked to call every afternoon for an update and what you expect in that update. It sounds like a simple break down in communication.

I'm not sure I understand how you come to the conclusion that your son's care has changed, because the key worker gave a brief comment about how he's doing.

Yes he has a new key worker. It is different working with toddlers compared to the baby room - their needs are different a the way the staff works is different. I know this because I have one DC in the baby room and one in pre-school.

I rarely call nursery unless it's to let them know something I forgot to tell them at drop off. That doesn't mean I don't love my kids, just that I trust nursery staff to look after my DC and ring me if there's a problem. They are busy getting on with their job and every time they have to answer the phone that takes them away from that. And yes, one of mine does have medical issues which they are more that capable of managing/contacting me or DH when there's a problem.

Try talking to the new key worker at pick up. That's how I get a lot of info about the sort of day they had, plus plenty of anecdotes on new developments/cute stuff they've been up to.

And the trouser thing is normal. DS2 is often without his socks/ shoes/trousers (likes to take his clothes off and nursery is quite warm). I've often had to put them back on at pick up and it really doesn't bother me. He's happy and well cared for and that's what matters.

Pippa, I think OP did namechange - she's now called ClumsyNinja