To be angry at suddenly becoming old?

[jimijack]

Well tbf it feels like it has suddenly happened.

I used to be gorgeous (I did!!) Gorgeous long blonde hair, 8 stone, trendy, could eat anything, always out here & there. Job I loved, people around me equally you'd & gorgeous.

Now.
I am almost 45. I'm fat, frumpy, short very greying hair, I have a moustache, bushy eyebrows, can't remember when I shaved my legs last. I don't recognize this person in the mirror.
I look forward to the Aldi magazine, my wheelie bin gets out more than I do & I've had to change jobs. Much less enjoyable, challenging and mundane.

How did this happen?
I LOVE my life, I am very fortunate, I just hate me & what has happened to me.

Time has gone nowhere, really fast.

My Dp is 55 so you may have a point!

Thanks for explaining! I don't notice anyone looking at me anyway, my DP says they do but I'd rather not be noticed as a sexual object.. That's just me though, I appreciate some women like it! And teenagers have looked through me since I was 25! They just seek out their own age group I think? As I'm getting older I like that everyone else wants to talk to me more.

Body wise, well I like my face so won't like that getting wrinkly but I've never had a slim, toned body so won't lose that! I think I'm more worried about being less physically able.. We helped my MIL move house once and she so wanted to lift boxes, had the enthusiasm to do it but her body failed her.

.... or it could have all been an act to get her out of the grunt work

jimijack, I've been lurking but this is the thread that made me want to join! your thing about the wheelie bin and the Aldi magazine made me LOL so much! For what it's worth - I've had a weird thing. I never understood people worrying about ageing, but at 39, I've just had grey hairs and - much much worse - "tramline" chest wrinkles appear. My mum told me not to dye the hair, she reckons it's better to go grey gradually and regrets dyeing hers - because when she stopped, people were shocked by the change in appearance. So I think I will just leave that. But the "tramlines" - which honestly seem to have appeared overnight and I never sunbathed so that's odd - are really bugging me.

I actually bought one of those silicone patches you can put on the area and tried it last night for the first time. I'm afraid I woke up after a few hours finding it a bit itchy and took it off. Hopefully tonight I'll manage to sleep through. I can see why it works (I had a good look in the mirror before taking it off). DP says "start wearing higher necks" but I don't like those, I like open necklines and I like to wear necklaces too.

I'm sort of annoyed with myself for thinking about it, I don't want to be thinking about anti-ageing products...but I'm thinking about anti-ageing products. I honestly thought I'd accept growing old, have never been very fussed about my appearance. I do think there's more pressure to look a certain way. I never wore make up but suddenly our work place changed, a few quite glamorous women joined, then others seemed to change their appearance, then I realised I was the only one in my section not wearing make up. So now I wear a bit of lipstick and also put some earrings on. I sort of wish I hadn't given in to it.

Thanks for making me LOL at it all anyway! I think I'll keep attacking the tramlines as they really bug me but otherwise I'll just chug along.

Youth is wasted on the young. It's so unfair.

I hate those tramlines on the chest. I suppose we wouldn't get them if we lay on our backs all night.

It is down to choices, but I personally will never give in to age.

I watch what I eat, colour my hair, look after my face and body skin (I slap on top to toe moisturiser twice a day - it's a habit since my teens and takes literally 20 seconds).

The most important facial anti-aging factor is SUNSCREEN and it's never to late to start. A lot of Olay/L'Oreal ones contain factor 15, 20 and even 30 nowadays. I used a collagen nightcream (Loreal, not expensive) at night and a basic eye cream. Sunglasses pretty much all day every day even in winter. Whenever the sun is even remotely out, I'm in shades.

Vitamins - Perfectil Plus Skin, and Hyduraloric acid, and Paradox Omega and an iron tablet.

I do my own eyebrows and I have high-end foundation, powder, concealer and cheap mascara, eyeliner, lipstick and blusher.

There's no need at all to have grey hair, bushy eyebrows, be overweight and frumpy - not unless you want to. If you don't want to, you can change almost instantly.

I am never ever going to be "old". There's a lady who works in our nearby big M&S, she is in her 50's but she is just so gorgeous, not in a dolly bird kind of way, she's just elegant and pretty and subtle. If she was a Disney character she would be Duchess from The Aristocats :-) She's a real inspiration (she's very pleasant too and great at customer service). Age doesn't have to define your looks.

thanks for the welcome Roseforarose - what a gorgeous username! - yes, I hear if you sleep on your back it's much better and virtually stops those tramlines but I'm always one for sleeping on my side. Oddly enough, I did wonder if wearing the sticky pad might make me more inclined to sleep on my back! Before I bought one, I tried it, but I'm a terrible sleeper and just couldn't change. I dozed off but woke up a dozen times, not fun.

I feel as if the future is going to involve spending time and money on "maintenance". I wish I was the sort who enjoyed that kind of thing but I just find it boring. Then again, my mum hasn't done much and people think she is younger. She doesn't have these dratted tramlines though. I can't work out why I have them! Just bad luck maybe. My sister is also generously endowed (!) and doesn't have them. Perhaps my skin is more fragile than theirs?

butterfly I find myself looking to see who else has got them, some women don't seem to get them do they, I wonder if they sleep on their backs, lol.

I know I've mentioned this on another thread but I recently got my hair cut. I had five inches cut off, it's still shoulder length but is noticeably shorter.
After having it cut I went to work and a lovely work colleague said how lovely it looked and how sophisticated it was. My ( female ) line manager looked up and said " I don't know about sophisticated but it's definitely more in keeping with a woman your age "........I'm 44!! If you can't say anything nice comes to mind

I have laughed in recognition at so much of this thread. I used to be gorgeous and now I'm 46 and, while probably in decent shape for my age, I feel fat and frumpy and massively unattractive. The only good part about the fatness is that, for the first time in my life I have really lovely breasts rather than fried eggs.

roseforarose - yes, I find myself looking and no one has them apart from me it seems, even women who are in their 50s! Or are those women all wearing high necks?

DurhamDurham - some people just have those bizarre fixed ideas about what is and isn't appropriate when you're a certain age. I don't understand it at all.

Creased cleavage/decolletage is added to by lack of sunscreen and/or moisture. If you slapped on moisturiser every day, ankles to neck (I literally slap it on - pour it out in my hand and the most basic rub up and down) and then when you are moisturising your face (ideally with a high SPF moisturiser) extend it down to where your bust starts - it will help considerably.

I have very little time to myself so I just do everything fast. You know in the adverts where women slowly and luxuriantly apply products with their delicate fingertips, smiling all the time? That's not me :-) I literally pour, slap on arms, legs and body and rub in (not roughly but as quick as possible).

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if anyone doesn't like something it can be changed or at the very least improved with hardly much effort. I use any kind of moisturiser as long as there's lots of it. Palmer's Cocoa butter is good, Aveeno is good, Soap & Glory from Boots is good.

Ahh now then I don't get these tram lines because I have such pendulous baps.

I'm not boasting or anything BUT I can breast feed my 2 year old whilst laying flat on my back.

Each bap now falls naturally under each hairy armpit......PREEN..

They USED to be firm & pert,

OhMittens - I've always done that. I know I said I don't bother much but I should have been clearer. I do cleanse, exfoliate, moisturise, sunscreen. What I don't do is facials and body treatments and expensive hair cuts and so on. But I have done that basic stuff so I am puzzled and disappointed to have these now. When I searched online, mostly I found info saying no cream will help, only injections of some kind shudders and these pads I've found, which I am really hoping will help! The speed with which they appeared really freaked me out! I suppose I shouldn't whinge because I'm quite baby faced still, but baby face + grey hairs + tramlines is an odd combo!

^ that was meant to be the word shudders surrounded by stars. I will have to get familiar with the HTML code here....bear with me please [smiles]

jimijack - lol again - that would make you even more likely to have tramlines - maybe it's genetic? Or totally random?!

Silver I also have the grumpy husband .I want to get him checked out for testosterone deficiency but just figuring out how to get him there. He is definitely getting old! I have the same routine Mittens.lots of cheap slap after every shower and my skin is pretty good. As my auntie always says " getting old is better than the alternative"

butterfly I love your DH's 'wear higher necks'

I'm 43 & many things in the OP are familiar. I'm trying to be pragmatic about it, and concentrate on having a "younger" can-do attitude, plus concentrate on my better points.

Yes, I'm a stone heavier than before DC & used to be a gym bunny. My post 2-Caesarians will never be the same again. I'm really struggling to lose the weight.

But, I have my haircut every 6-8 weeks; my hairdresser recently cut my hair to an angular bob - a fellow school mum said it took 10 years off my face

I always blow dry my hair & wear good quality make-up every day.

I'm trying to exercise more but it's difficult with a partner who works away & 2 young children.

Personally I like the invisibility of middle age. Was blonde, slim and pretty when I was younger and as I am also quite introverted I hated the predatory male attention I used to get.

I LOVE being an old trout who can talk to workmen and go in bars and so on without ever getting hassled. And I find people generally take me much more seriously now than when I was younger.

My aim now is well-groomed, but inconspicuous.

Sand, it is hereditary in my case! My husband is grumpy, his father was grumpy, his grandfather was grumpy...I suspect a Mr.Silver ancestor grumped at his darling wife before and after T.Rex hunting..