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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this reception teacher to back down?

374 replies

kathryng90 · 07/05/2015 20:46

My son will be 5 in June. He is in reception. They are having a teddy bear picnic tomorrow. Text message yesterday warning parents 'bring your child's favourite bear to school'. My son loves his build a bear toothless dragon bear. He told his reception teacher how excited he was to bring this toy to school. He was sobbing as he came out of school and teacher said to me 'DS is sad as he has said he wants to bring toothless to school tomorrow. He can't. It's a teddy bear picnic not a dragon picnic. Our theme is goldilocks and the 3 bears not 3 dragons. Find a bear'

He is so upset, toothless is his favourite bear. I have suggested that we take toothless plus a teddy bear. AIBU to ask teacher to let toothless sit on desk and watch while bear joins in? Or am I undermining teacher? Another compromise? He's 4 ffs.....

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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MissingYouSoMuch · 07/05/2015 21:42

stuffed even

SuburbanRhonda · 07/05/2015 21:42

At most of the schools I've taught in, if you need a resource for a lesson, you provide it; relying on the children/parents to provide something which is essential for a lesson is just too risky, as most are unable to do so.

So a toy from home that the children have been asked to bring in for a fun activity - a toy that you can almost guarantee most of them already have - has now become an "essential resource for a lesson"?

Hmm
SirChenjin · 07/05/2015 21:43

Teacher is a prize idiot. She obviously has a mental picture of a stylised teddy bears' picture in her head and nothing is going to spoil that . She doesn't have some blog that she wants to upload cutesy photos to, does she?

It's up to you how you play it. Give in to her petty demands and send in a bear, or stand firm and send in the favourite dragon. She sounds like she might be the hysterical type who would forbid your DS to take the dragon on the picnic though.

MissingYouSoMuch · 07/05/2015 21:44

AyMamita Grin

Your post is just too funny (possibly unintentionally)

YouAintSeenNothingYet · 07/05/2015 21:45

I think it's reasonable to ask children to bring an actual bear rather than a dragon if the theme is 'Goldilocks and the three bears'.

If I was the teacher would I have pushed it if a kid was actually crying over it? Nah, I don't suppose so (unless the kid has form for getting upset over little things, not fitting in etc - then I might have decided it was worth asking him to fit in with the rules that everyone else was fitting in with).

Given that the teacher has asked him to bring a bear, you need to support her and get him to take a bear in. It's not a very good idea to let him take a special soft toy in anyway.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 07/05/2015 21:46

Bear gate!

BuildYourOwnSnowman · 07/05/2015 21:46

my ds always took a duck

given what the dragon looks like i would say it was a bear in fancy dress

but your ds will probably be upset and nervous of making her cross then see if he will take a bear

MissingYouSoMuch · 07/05/2015 21:46

Ok....105 posts/mini rows brewing about a teddy bears picnic how bear like a stuffed dragon can look (yeah yeah me to)

I do love MN tonight

bobajob · 07/05/2015 21:48

Most likely what happened was the teacher asked them to bring in a bear. Child 1 says "can I bring a dragon?". Child 2 says "can I bring a magical light up singing Elsa?". Child 3 says "Can I bring in the Incredible Hulk then?". Teacher says no, it has to be a bear. Child is outraged at being told no.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 07/05/2015 21:48

I'm wondering if the child in question will also wear a princess dress to the teddy bear picnic as well as take a dragon instead of a bear? Afterall, this is Mumsnet where I read of things that I never actually see in RL.

elsabelle · 07/05/2015 21:50

As a teacher, we hate parents like this Hmm
We've asked you to do 1 thing. Bring in a bear. Thats all. Surely its not that hard? If you dont have a bear then yes im sure the school will lend you one from the toy box.

In my class we have a Pirate day. We make hats and eye patches in class with the children and we offer to lend outfits from our dressing up box for children whose parents don't have or cant afford one. We do not however allow the children to come dressed as batman / elsa / spiderman / ninja turtles etc just because "that is their favourite". FFS.

tethersend · 07/05/2015 21:51

"So a toy from home that the children have been asked to bring in for a fun activity - a toy that you can almost guarantee most of them already have - has now become an "essential resource for a lesson"?"

I don't think that a teddy bear is an essential resource for a lesson, Rhonda- the OP's son's teacher does. That's why she won't let him bring a dragon.

Are we reading the same thread?

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 07/05/2015 21:51

Have to say as an ex reception class TA a parent complaining about this would have brightened up the staff room.

The teacher is previous but to complain is mad.

fiveacres · 07/05/2015 21:51

I'm not normally in the 'poor teacher' camp, but on this occasion I'm right behind the poor sod Hmm

When my son was nearly five, he understood the word 'no' and didn't cry about it. Useful skill Wink

NurseRoscoe · 07/05/2015 21:52

I'm quite strict on stuff like this with my children.

If the theme was 'bring a toy' then I would let them take whatever toy they wanted to take. If it was bring a bear then he would take a bear. I think it's important that we encourage children to listen to the teachers, in order for them to get the most out of school. It must make a teachers job very difficult if parents just rebel against everything they say, even if in this case it is a bit trivial.

whippy33 · 07/05/2015 21:52

Love the fact that so many people are arguing over a cuddly toy and we wonder why half the children in schools are so wet?!

SirChenjin · 07/05/2015 21:53

An other useful skill as an adult is a sense of perspective - especially if you're dealing with little children Wink

SirChenjin · 07/05/2015 21:53

Another

zipzap · 07/05/2015 21:53

I've just realised that you've already spoken to the teacher as I was about to suggest that in the morning you say that you're sure that ds got it wrong and that there was absolutely no problem bringing his teddy toothless along, that of course the teacher wasn't going to be as mean, small minded and ridiculous as to say that he couldn't bring his favourite teddy to the teddy picnic when everybody else was bringing their favourites along... so that she would have had to then then say that she was that mean and ridiculous in order to say no.

Unfortunately a bit late for that now - but will be interesting to see how many others turn up with their favourite soft toy as opposed to an actual teddy. And if many others do turn up and she doesn't say anything then might be worth pointing out to her that it's pretty low for a Reception class teacher to make a child feel so upset over their favourite teddy.

I guess definition of teddy bear might have something to do with it - if you use the term to include soft toys and she doesn't then unfortunately you're talking at cross purposes and both in the right (which makes you both feel that thus the other person must be in the wrong when they're feeling exactly the same which makes the whole thing worse somehow). And the fact he comes from build a bear helps to muddle the bear waters too.

However as you know Toothless isn't allowed in - might be worth playing up the 'only take things to school which you are prepared to lose' angle. I've used it successfully (almost too much so!) on my dc about taking things into school when they've had take a toy to play with on the last day of school days - they always want to take favourite games with lots of bits that are invariably going to get lost and thus spoilt. Now the eldest is monitoring his younger brother's stuff that goes in to make sure that (even though it's not his stuff!) he isn't taking anything that he would miss either Grin

Can you have the proper a special teddy bear's picnic at home and invite toothless and ds to that after school?

SuburbanRhonda · 07/05/2015 21:54

OP, I wonder how your DS will feel when all the other children have their bears with them and are doing activities about bears and he's the only one sitting there with a stuffed dragon?

Maybe he'll feel ok about it because at least his mum managed to get the teach to "back down".

DingleberryFinn · 07/05/2015 21:54

"It's a teddy bear picnic not a dragon picnic. Our theme is goldilocks and the 3 bears"

So is the picnic going to be purely porridge-based then, if she's going to be pedantic about the detail?

BarbarianMum · 07/05/2015 21:55

Dingle - and only blonde children will be allowed to attend Grin

fiveacres · 07/05/2015 21:56

Thing is, Sir, I could be wrong but the huffing and the outrage from the OP is excacerbating the situation. If my DS had come out wailing about not being able to bring a dragon in, a cheery 'aw, never mind, he'll be glad of a rest and BigTed will LOVE a day out!' generally mops up tears.

I have concluded over my parenting years that the bigger deal I make out of something, the bigger deal my kids make out of it. :)

SirChenjin · 07/05/2015 21:56

Perhaps she's already whittling the beds and chairs...

I wonder what activities for that age group are so specific to bear shaped stuffed toys that they can't be adapted to other shaped favourite toys?

ThingummyJigg · 07/05/2015 21:58

Send him in with a big hairy gay man.

Say "Get pernickity with this, bitch" to the teacher.

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