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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your teenage children swear? And do you mind?

280 replies

MrsFring · 05/05/2015 09:36

I have three teenagers; Dd1 (19), DSL (17) and Dd2 (14). I swear. Quite a bit when I've got my dander up. The older two swear in extremis but not very much, their choice. Dd2, however, has started to swear much more frequently and 'cunt' is her currently favoured word. She tends to use it when upset by something on the news or when fighting with her brother (which is most of the time). She assures me that she never uses it at school when a teacher could hear her.

She is a very principled, passionate girl and does tend to get a bit carried away. DH is more bothered by her swearing than I am, I suspect that he considers it unladylike but would never dare to say that to me.

What do think? Would you mind?

OP posts:
Livjames1 · 05/05/2015 13:48

I said jungle gyms as an example and it was the first place to come into my head, so. But yes actually my son who's a teenager sometimes offers to come with me when I take his younger brother and sister to jungle gyms/the park etc, mainly to lend a hand, but he generally sits there with his I pod, but again this is irrelevant. If we were on a family holiday and he swore, and another family with younger children overheard, then yes he would be in trouble.

Mrsjayy · 05/05/2015 13:48

They probably do but not at home I dont swear a shit or bugger is as extreme as i get I dont allow swearing at home dh can eff and jeff but never in earshot of dds if my daughter started saying cunt all over the place she would be told !

exWifebeginsat40 · 05/05/2015 13:49

liv if you chose to 'pull me up' on my parenting we would have a very interesting conversation.

I pick my battles with my daughter. she is bright, funny, kind and beautiful. I make sure she knows this. I don't get worked up about swearing - I keep the lines of communication open for more important things.

apart from anything else, you sound like a cold and overbearing parent. I hope you don't mind me telling you this - or judging you on it. my prerogative, innit?

SoupDragon · 05/05/2015 13:50

Despite teaching my children that it is Ok to swear amongst their peers and not in front of me, I am not tacking them to "do stuff behind my back" I am teaching them to learn when swearing is appropriate. IMO it is not appropriate in front of adults or when directed at people so that is what I've taught them.

Owllady · 05/05/2015 13:51

Yes mine do, but not all the time.
I hate the c word, so never the c word but I think it's unrealistic to think your teenagers don't swear!

Livjames1 · 05/05/2015 13:51

I don't have double standards, I too expect my children to behave as well in public as they do at home, but with my eldest child I cannot be with him 24/7, I can only trust him to make the best decisions he can.

Pagwatch · 05/05/2015 13:52

You are talking utter guff liv.

My son has a degree in English and a masters and often swears in front of me.
Swearing can add humour, texture and with to normal conversation. It's neither a sign of ignorance nor lack of vocabulary. I know lots of words but sometimes fuck is the best one.

notquiteruralbliss · 05/05/2015 13:52

Gosh there are a lot of um interesting views on this thread. Surely the thing is for teenagers to become context sensitive. So their language, conversation topics, style of dress etc can be appropriate for the situation. And all the judging of other people's 'parenting' (whatever that is) is a bit OTT? Though I guess this is AIBU.

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/05/2015 13:53

"I hate the c word, so never the c word "

do you mean 'cunt'?
LOL there is this vile old lady near us who swears non stop, it is all FACKING this and FACKING that - she tried to tell me that saying 'cunt' was wrong but I could barely hear her I was laughing so hard.

Pagwatch · 05/05/2015 13:54

All my children are bright enough to understand context and appropriate behaviour for different situations. It's not challenging.

Having a problem with sweating oneself is fair enough. Calling anyone who sees it differently a bad parent is astonishingly stupid and lacking in imagination.

Owllady · 05/05/2015 13:54

Yes I mean cunt
I wasn't even allowed to say God Confused

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/05/2015 13:56

my mum would have hated 'God' as she was quite religious and even today I do not say it in front of my dad, 'fuck' is much less offensive as far as he is concerned.

Owllady · 05/05/2015 13:56

I think it depends where you live too. I spent a decade in Kent.......

Mrsjayy · 05/05/2015 13:59

I think if you are a sweary family then it isnt going to bother you but what if they are fucking and cunting to teachers what age is it acceptable to swear ? I have heard toddlers say aww fuck parents ignoring it or laughing then that toddler goes to nursery then says aww fuck a class mate hears it goes home and says aww fuck I just don't think its ok for teenagers to swear at home

Mrsjayy · 05/05/2015 14:00

I meant children

Pagwatch · 05/05/2015 14:07

But again MrsJay, I was relaxed about my children swearing once they were old enough to understand context.
So my toddler and young school age children were not swearing at school because swearing around a young child would not be, in my view, in context.

I think my son was about 14/15 when he used milder swear words and probably about 17 the first time he used fuck in front of me.
But we swear when recounting jokes or chatting about films or politics. We never ever swear at each other.

So the age is determined by their ability to manage it iyswim.

Owllady · 05/05/2015 14:08

I don't imagine my one swears at school, he's too much of a pleaser. He does swear with his friends/on the Xbox though. He's said the odd thing to me. I do correct him sometimes, sometimes I don't sweat it and let it go.

(I imagine my other teenage child does but they attend a special school and one of the shepherds once told the whole audience to fuck off at the Christmas nativity, so it's not that unusual :) ) I do discourage it though

Cooroo · 05/05/2015 14:09

Not read whole thread. I was religious about not swearing in front of DD when she was small. At about 15 she started to use fuck and shit at home and I heaved a huge sigh of relief and resumed swearing myself.

She is bright and funny, doesn't swear aggressively (or like OP said only at TV) and I'm happy she knows when and where what language is appropriate. No worries here.

Owllady · 05/05/2015 14:09

By at school, I mean in the presence of teachers/staff. Not friends

Takver · 05/05/2015 14:10

Livjames1 - dd (13 y/o) doesn't swear in front of me, beyond the odd 'bloody'. Wouldn't bother me overly if she did.

But if she used the word 'chavvy' (as you did upthread) I'd be having very serious words with her. So maybe it's horses for courses . . .

Pagwatch · 05/05/2015 14:11

Owllady.

My DS2 is also at special school and has heard knobhead somewhere (not one I use) and is repeating it with great enthusiasm all the time
Grin

Takver · 05/05/2015 14:11

My personal opinion on swearing - you're old enough to swear once you're old enough not to cry, if that makes sense.

So if I drop something heavy on my toe, I'll swear. If a 5 year old drops something heavy, they cry. Poor dd is, I will admit, at an awkward in between age where neither is really acceptable, mind you Grin

noddyholder · 05/05/2015 14:12

Most teens swear Even the ones you think don't! I hear them all the time My ds is 21 now but swearing will get a raised eyebrow from me still in a 'I'm your mother' way but I swear like a trooper at times so can't really complain!

noddyholder · 05/05/2015 14:13

I think swearing is great when no other words will do!

Owllady · 05/05/2015 14:13

Mine enjoys using their fingers to salute Pag :o