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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if your teenage children swear? And do you mind?

280 replies

MrsFring · 05/05/2015 09:36

I have three teenagers; Dd1 (19), DSL (17) and Dd2 (14). I swear. Quite a bit when I've got my dander up. The older two swear in extremis but not very much, their choice. Dd2, however, has started to swear much more frequently and 'cunt' is her currently favoured word. She tends to use it when upset by something on the news or when fighting with her brother (which is most of the time). She assures me that she never uses it at school when a teacher could hear her.

She is a very principled, passionate girl and does tend to get a bit carried away. DH is more bothered by her swearing than I am, I suspect that he considers it unladylike but would never dare to say that to me.

What do think? Would you mind?

OP posts:
GooseyLoosey · 05/05/2015 11:12

Not in front of me but I know they do when with their peers. I think this is fair as I don't swear (often) in front of them either.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/05/2015 11:14

I'm sure ds swears with his mates but doesn't at home.

Sallystyle · 05/05/2015 11:19

Yes they do and no, I don't mind too much.

I don't mind the odd swear word but too much and they will get told to stop it.

It depends on the words as well.

FanjoBean · 05/05/2015 11:19

I swear at home and amongst friends, and I am not offended by it, but I wouldnt like to hear my DD or other children swearing as it makes me wonder where younger children are picking it up from, and teenagers all look a bit silly and try-hard coming out with fuck-this and fuck-that until they reach proper adulthood!

I also think there are different levels of swearing that people should take into account when they are taking up the habit. Not so much in the words themselves, but how and when they are delivered. Some of the most funny and intelligent people I know swear a lot, but in the right company and in such a way that it enhances what they are saying. Whereas those people whose every other word is fuck or cunt no matter where they are or what they are saying just make themselves look coarse and uneducated. In the same vein, when someone I'm talking to drops in the odd "shit!" it can make me feel more relaxed and comfortable around them than if they said "sugar" instead, whereas gratuitous or aggressive swearing has the opposite effect.

I will relax the no-swearing rule for DD when she understands how to swear properly. Which will probably be a while since she's only 2 Grin

addstudentdinners2 · 05/05/2015 11:22

God, we swore all the time as teenagers, got it from my parents (we were a very sweary house). DH is as sweary as I am and I love it. Love having a good swear. Respect that other people may find it offensive but I don't understand it personally - it's just a word.

When we have DC I imagine they will hear plenty of swearing! My DSis was four when she learned the F word and repeated it very loudly in front of my v disapproving grandfather. Was hilarious. My parents used to shake their heads at us a bit when we swore but couldn't really tell us not to given that they swore like troopers.

It will be difficult when we have DC as obviously we'll have to teach them not to swear in school etc etc. On the other hand I certainly won't be altering my swearing habits and nor will DH. There are so many more important things to worry about!

addstudentdinners2 · 05/05/2015 11:24

I genuinely think every other word I use is 'fuck' half the time....I'm very well educated. I just like the word. Never found a better substitute for it.

TheWordFactory · 05/05/2015 11:25

Yes, they swear and no, I don't mind.

I swear too, as does DH.

We never use sexist words though, so cunt, bitch etc are out.

funkybuddah · 05/05/2015 11:27

Not really but I wouldn't mind too much, depends on the context.

I swear like a docker , it's just language afterall

Sallystyle · 05/05/2015 11:39

BTW mine never swear in front of teachers, relatives or any other adults, young children (except their siblings)

Using the word cunt would result in losing social media for a while though. I don't want that word used in my house.

MrsCorr · 05/05/2015 11:39

I don't have teenagers yet but I don't think it will bother me if they swear in front of me. I swear, not very often in front of my parents but probably every day with my husband. Not sure if it's regional but I hear cunt a lot & nobody takes offence. I'm in Glasgow, maybe that makes a difference.

Dumbledoresgirl · 05/05/2015 11:46

I swear all the time. I don't use 'cunt' at all - I can hardly bare to write it! - but I use fuck, bugger, bloody, etc all the time.

I have 3 teens and a 12 year old. My dd (15) doesn't swear much but the boys, inc the 12 yo, do so more often. It doesn't bother me. How can it when I swear all the time too? I trust they have the sense and control not to use inappropriate words in front of teachers, just as I would not use such words in a professional context.

I know a lot of people find swearing the lowest of the low, but I really can't get worked up about it.

addstudentdinners2 · 05/05/2015 11:50

I don't actually find cunt offensive at all, I find it a bit disconcerting from a feminist perspective to be honest that it is seen to be so disgusting, when 'cock' and 'dick' seem to be acceptable.

I don't find it sexist. I think it's a word we should reclaim!

Notso · 05/05/2015 11:52

Only one teenager at present and she rarely swears in front of us and then it's only bloody or shit.
I did catch her doing the 'fuck off dance' behind DH's back the other day but I turned a blind eye as we have both done the same to her when she has been unreasonable.
I can only think of a handful of times when I've sworn in front of the DC. I've spent so long working with small children as a nursery nurse and TA things like sugar lumps and whoopsadaisy come more easily to me than swearing.
DH is more sweary than me but not massively.

SycamoreMum · 05/05/2015 11:54

I'm 30 and still refuse to curse in front of my parents, however the other week I bumped into something at my mums and screamed 'fuck a duck.' She burst out laughing.Grin I don't think I'll mind if my DD swears... I hopeHmm

Sparklingbrook · 05/05/2015 11:55

I would NEVER swear in front of my parents and nor would my DC.

HeffaLumpers · 05/05/2015 12:18

I'd pull her up on calling her brother a cunt but her calling a politician one wouldn't bother me in the slightest. I'd make sure she understands how offensive some people find that word and make sure she can properly judge when it is and isn't appropriate to use. I'd rather have a teenager who really understands that than one that doesn't because they just don't swear in front of their parents.

girlgamergoesbad · 05/05/2015 12:34

My mum has called my dad a cunt a fair few times if my memory serves, and swears quite frequently and always has done for as long as I can remember -fairly certain I learnt all my swear words from her! I swear quite a lot myself but know to tone it down in front of parents and family etc and would never call someone a cunt in seriousness.
I think teenagers will swear when they want to especially with their friends - perhaps have a chat with your daughter and just ask her to tone it down at home and explain why it's not appropriate to swear all the time. It depends on how comfortable you are with swearing itself and if it's going to cause problems in the family.

exWifebeginsat40 · 05/05/2015 12:47

my almost-15 DD swears like a navvy. as do I. I really can't get exercised about it - there are far bigger things to worry about at this stage in her life - like exams, work experience, why so and so has been a nightmare this week and oh my god did you SEE the ukip PEB the other night?

no hate speech of any kind though - she is very strict on this.

HearTheThunderRoar · 05/05/2015 12:49

I don't my the odd shit and arse that comes out from DD (15) as I swear are bit when in rage especially when driving but I wouldn't tolerate cunt or bitch etc. Swearing isn't something I can get worked up about really.

Though she knows never to swear in front of my mum or elderly.

KatharineClifton · 05/05/2015 12:54

I'm so happy to have found this thread! I had a hiatus from swearing until my teens started swearing. I don't mind so much in the house, but am always admonishing when out and about. Especially when in Grannie's and (precious) Auntie's earshots. Although they learnt a fair selection from Grannie in the first place!

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/05/2015 12:59

I swear all the time anyway.
I might suggest that the use of 'cunt' is a bit ......rough sounding and 'arsehole' or 'wankstain' might sound more genteel, depending on the company of course.

pocketsaviour · 05/05/2015 13:00

My DS is 19 and is not shy about letting rip with the "fuck"s. Occasionally he slips into that "every other word" thing that teenagers do - "So anyway mum I got the fucking bus to fucking town because I needed some fucking passport photos and the fucking Asda doesn't fucking do them".

I pull him up on that with a simple "son, I'm pretty sure buses don't fuck, and if you fuck in Asda, you'll get barred."

Apart from that he tends to swear when he's stubbed his toe or dropped something, as do I.

He rarely uses "cunt" although I don't mind it and will use it when I think it's appropriate.

I do think there's a big North-south divide - when I was in Yorkshire I very rarely heard people use "cunt" whereas now I've moved to the south coast I hear it all the time. My first couple of months here I was really struck by how frequently and casually it's used.

My DS would never use a racist/homophobic/disablist slur. Maybe I'm naïve but I don't think he would use it with his mates when I'm out of earshot, either. But then he's always had a lot of Black and Asian friends.

Livjames1 · 05/05/2015 13:05

Seriously can't believe some of the so called parents on here, I mean come on "yes my children swear and I don't mind" have you heard yourselves? How on earth can you have that kind of attitude, I genuinely feel sorry for your children.

SunnyBaudelaire · 05/05/2015 13:08

I am not a 'so called' parent, liv, I am the genuine article.
meh, it is just words, I have been more concerned with the language pof racism, homophobia, disablism. That I do stamp on.
We are all different in our parenting priorities, no need to be so extreme.

Livjames1 · 05/05/2015 13:13

I know we are all different, but allowing your children to openly swear says more about the parent than it does the child, and it's quite frankly vile. I wouldn't be proud of it like clearly some on here are, I'd be asheed and I'd hate for my children to grow up thinking it's ok to swear constantly and then go on to bring their own children up in this way, I personally would feel like I'd failed as a parent.