To ask if your teenage children swear? And do you mind?

[MrsFring]

I have three teenagers; Dd1 (19), DSL (17) and Dd2 (14). I swear. Quite a bit when I've got my dander up. The older two swear in extremis but not very much, their choice. Dd2, however, has started to swear much more frequently and 'cunt' is her currently favoured word. She tends to use it when upset by something on the news or when fighting with her brother (which is most of the time). She assures me that she never uses it at school when a teacher could hear her.

She is a very principled, passionate girl and does tend to get a bit carried away. DH is more bothered by her swearing than I am, I suspect that he considers it unladylike but would never dare to say that to me.

What do think? Would you mind?

Guess what Liv, Dd just called Farage a twat! That's an improvement isn't it?

I rarely swear. There is no way that I think it's acceptable for my dc to swear in front of me or any other adult for that matter.

The thing is, Apocalypse, that some people think feck and shite and all the other Irish-type swearing is the same as fuck, shit, etc.

Well they might, but this is a different culture in several ways and I think it's ok for us to define what constitutes swearing in our context.

I very rarely swear at work because the people I sit with don't. If I or my DD were visiting the non-swearers on this thread we'd pick up on that and respect it. Like if you didn't speak English well we'd modify our speech to keep it simple. That's good manners.

I have no problem with cunt, how can twat be okay but not cunt?

My ten year old will use descriptive but not insultive swearing, though rarely in front of me.

The idea that swearing represents a general lack of vocabulary or literate ability is astonishing small minded imo, swearing is great and expands expressive capabilities to extraordinary heights.

Words are words, no idea why we get hung up on them, appropriateness is key.

Words are more than just words. They can cause so much hurt and heartache, as well as joy.

"appropriateness is key."

This . I think that inappropriate swearing is why many people think that swearing is not on. It is basic common sense to gauge your audience.

Cooroo has put it very well.

How we feel when words are directed at us is a combination of allowing ourselves to feel emotion, (sticks and stones and all that) and the venom/aggression/love/happiness emanating from the person delivering them.

I hate you you are an awful human being.

Awful you an being I human you hate are.

It's not the fault of the lines that make up letters, make up words, it's in the delivery and our willingness to allow it to matter.

You can say some truly awful things that would be very difficult to ignore without uttering a single expletive.

"I have no problem with cunt, how can twat be okay but not cunt?"

Because history.

Yes and no

I teach in FE and I am CONSTANTLY dealing with people who can't control their language. Fuck, cunt, Wanker, bastard, shit, bollocks, piss, dick.... They all swore for the first time at some point and they do it so much that it becomes the norm.

It's not a big leap from control to slipping out to using all the time.

My oldest is 12.5, no swearing yet. I wouldn't be pleased if he did.

I don't swear a lot but it does happen. DD (14) swears sometimes, usually consciously and for effect. But as long as she knows how to control it, and in what circumstances, then I'm not too bothered.

My 12 year old doesn't swear in English, but I can't be sure that he doesn't in his other (school) language!

DS (13) had a sleepover, and his friends definitely swear a lot more than he does. I had to pull them up for describing people as spazzes, and for using the term "mong". Am I an old fuddy-duddy? I thought that last term was horribly offensive and outdated. They were certainly appalled when I told them what the words they were using meant.

I'm 28 and don't swear in front of my parents. For me, it's a respect thing.

We don't swear in front of our dc and, no, I won't expect them to swear around home.

I think Jemima has hit the nail on the head. It is a respect thing to not swear in front of people who don't normally swear in everyday conversation. It goes back to knowing your audience.

Yes they do, from time to time. I'm relaxed about it and have been since they were young teens, as long as they know when it's appropriate/inappropriate, which they do. But they don't use loaded terms and I don't allow them to use that sort of language directed toward a person or persons.

I agree, those are not swear words. They are a different thing altogether and wholly undesirable.

My children would be handed their arse if they used 'spaz' or 'mong' exactly the same as if they used paki or nigger.
But they wouldn't because even my 12 year old knows better than that.
That's not swearing, it's bigotry .

Sorry InMySpareTime. - that sounded like I was having a go at your dc. I do get that some teenagers don't get the antecedents of those words.
I was just talking about people using those as swear words when actually they are much worse.

'Because history' in what way Hakluyt? I don't see why from an etymology standpoint.

I swear like a trooper, I know i do it and that it's not endearing to be foul mouthed but I just can't seem to help it.

Yesterday, however, I was coming back from food shopping, laden with bags and trying to keep DD from going AWOL and when I opened our front door one of the sheep that we have in the garden (yes, you read correctly!) followed me in to our kitchen, decided to shit all over the floor and DD who appeared to be highly amused by this stuck her hand straight in it! I shouted "fucking bastard sheep, get out!" DD (21 months) copied the "fucking bastard sheep" part of the sentence but funnily enough left out the get out bit!