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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.. Holiday costs? Splitting accommodation dosh.

314 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/05/2015 07:12

Here's the deal...

A group of us are going to mainland Europe and hiring a villa in August .

We are two couples (one room each) and a a family with teenage kids (3 rooms).

To get a villa large enough without having to tolerate delightfully messy teenagers sleeping on floor, we've had to go up a price band.

Also the 'family' mum has insisted on an extra room so she can have her old friends that are native to the country to stay an odd few days here and there.. We have never met these people.

We are also travelling in Aug aroubd the kids holidays...we have sucked up the extra cost of travelling at peak time so we can all holiday together.

So we are booking a 6 bedroomed villa.. In August.

we have had a email with our proposed cost per couple/family...the total amount has been divided by 3..AIBU to be Hmm about this?

How would people divide this the most fairly? .. Without being seen as either petty or being taken advantage of..?

OP posts:
scarletforya · 02/05/2015 08:12

Definitely pull out. They're using you to subsidise themselves. Don't be a mug!

youarekiddingme · 02/05/2015 08:14

Some wise advice on here - the best being "don't go" Grin

Seriously though I'd set the ground rules now. Send an email outlining costs and fairness of splitting. I'd also look at a comparison of a 2 bed villa (2 couples) in same resort at same time of year. If it's more expensive for you to share split 3 ways it's backs up your reasons for it not being viable.

So: holiday cost per room or per person. 25% 25% 50%
Cost of SC split per person - everyone responsible for own snack/ out of meal consumables. Agreed meal plan (of sorts) and ingredients needed before leaving. Agreement to pay for own food when out for days or at a restaurant.
Decline offer of car. Suggest they hire their own and you will sort one if you decide to join them on days out. During time they are out and about no communal SC. so each responsible for own food and costs.
I would suggest a kitty before hand for food. You can get the holiday visa debit cards that you pay into. Each pays a certain amount and its used by whoever does communal shopping.

I'd still suggest trying to get 2 villas on same complex and share the holiday but separately.

Binkybix · 02/05/2015 08:15

If you have the chance either set out very clearly what you will/won't pay for or pull out.

I took the wusses way out and have asked that my DD share the room with their's instead - I don't want to try to save money and put up with early mornings with mine in my room just to subsidise their child having their own room!!

budgiegirl · 02/05/2015 08:16

Don't go ! It sounds horrendous. The costs will just spiral if the family are expecting you to split bills by thirds. And you know how much teenagers can eat !
The car doesn't sound a bad idea, it'll help with the cost of going to and from the airport, and is generally useful when self catering. But insist on two small cars, one paid for by the family, one paid for by the two couples. Generally cheaper anyway than a people carrier for 8 or 9.

EhricLovesTheBhrothers · 02/05/2015 08:18

It's probably just a case of different budgets but when that happens the end result is misery for the less well off/more frugal party as they either have to go over budget breeding anxiety or resentment or curtail the other family's fun by refusing to pay what the other family want and expect to pay for their enjoyment. There is no compromise with this scenario that doesn't piss off one party.

ZenNudist · 02/05/2015 08:22

As someone who is happy to holiday with other people I say don't go! The only way it works with everyone willing to pay their fair share.

You are going to find yourself cooking for or tidying up after a lot of people.

The teens will hog the best sun loungers or tv at night.

The organiser will expect the best bedroom. It will be a nightmare choosing rooms. Especially if you find yourself relegated to the worst rooms whilst the kids get ensuite bathroom or balcony!

It doesn't sound like you will all want to do the same things. If you aren't in an accessible area it can get difficult. You might be happy to walk/taxi to get out but other people aren't unreasonable wanting to get a car.

The other family are going to resent coming back to any mess you make if they are out in the day.

Who is going to go out and do the big food shops? Even if you agree to split costs it's going to be half a day which you could be sunbathing in.

It's amazing how much food and drink a big group needs on a holiday. We spend a fortune food shopping. Much more than at home, especially if you haven't got a car and are stuck to tourist food shops.

Back out now citing lack of funds. "Sorry that's much more expensive than we can afford, think we will have to back out, what a shame, have fun you lucky things"... Then book a separate trip.

Bluetrews25 · 02/05/2015 08:24

We went on hols with our best friends years ago. Camping in the UK. Separate caravans. They had a young baby, we had no kids then. We met up daily, and mostly it was fine, but some of it was awful - we just were together too much. Took us quite a while (years) to feel best friends again after that, and would not repeat the experience, as we value the friendship too much!

Stopandlook · 02/05/2015 08:26

Pay per room. Pretty standard. Yanbu

rookiemere · 02/05/2015 08:28

Yes I'd just like to reiterate, it's not just extra costs when you go away with a larger group,it's all the extra food to prepare and tidy away, all the mess caused particularly by teens who will not expect to clear up after yourselves.

Seriously there is no upside in going. Email back and say that you wanted something close to restaurants , so whilst property looks lovely it isn't suitable for you, so on reflection it will be better for everyone if you do your own thing. Then run like crazy in the other direction!

VelvetRose · 02/05/2015 08:29

I'd email and say you can't afford it on the basis of this unfair split. It sounds like it's going to be a nightmare and will end up costing you loads.

I never, ever holiday with other families, even my own extended family for reasons just like this!

ajandjjmum · 02/05/2015 08:31

Disaster waiting to happen.

Maybe suggest that you stay at a nearby hotel, and meet up, if it's not too late? They're taking you for a ride - you have to stop it happening, otherwise you'll need another holiday to get over the stress and another year to save your deposit!

yearofthegoat · 02/05/2015 08:31

I like teens but I don't like people who are piss-takers about paying their fair share.

Don't do this OP, it will be the end of the friendship with the family, no question and will cost you a fortune.

Just say you can't afford it, they can't argue with that.

ladygracie · 02/05/2015 08:32

You are definitely not being unreasonable. As well as speaking to dh, could you also talk to the other couple & see what they think?

MyballsareSandy · 02/05/2015 08:33

Piss takers. Either pull out now or email them making it clear what you are prepared to pay.

We regularly go on hols with close friends of ours, a couple with no kids, and we have two teens. We book a three bed place and they pay a third, same with meals out and food shopping.

I would never expect them to pay half and subsidise our teens.

Hassled · 02/05/2015 08:33

I go on holiday regularly with friends in a similar set-up, except I'm the one with the large family and the need for extra rooms. We just divide costs per person - so one year there were 12 of us, 6 of whom were my problem, as it were (dh, me, 4 kids). So we paid 6/12ths of accommodation and food etc, the other people paid 1/12th each.

Charlesroi · 02/05/2015 08:40

Yes absolutely pay by room, I can't see that any other way is fair. If you won't use a car don't pay for one (although chipping in for car hire on a per-person basis may be nearly as cheap as taxis) and get separate bills when you go out, or just put what you've spent on the table when the bill arrives.
I'd speak to the other couple before you respond just to check they're not happy to stump up 1/3.
And others are right - "I can't afford to spend that much subsidise you " is a perfectly acceptable statement.

wormshuffled · 02/05/2015 08:50

I wouldn't go, if it's no cheaper for you than a hotel,there is nothing in it for you.

If I was very good friends with them and still wanted to go I would approach it with a jokey reply email along the lines of ......
Ha nice one as if were paying all that, with lots of winky Smiley's etc.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 02/05/2015 08:50

Don't go, go somewhere with your DH, as you have no DC's you can get some great last minute deals, it's your holiday and you need to enjoy it and if you are stressing about it before it's even booked then you are going to loathe every minute of it

Collaborate · 02/05/2015 08:57

Just tell them that since you agreed to go, it's snowballed in to the type of holiday (venue etc) that you wouldn't choose to go on, and for that reason you're out. Job done. Have a think though how much you'd pay for just the 2 of you to go away. It's cheaper per head to go as a large group.

thegreylady · 02/05/2015 08:59

You cannot agree to this. Divide the cost of the villa per person so you do include the extra room. Look into car hire from the airport it may be cheaper then taxis but I would suggest two cars, one funded by the family and one between you and the other couple. They are trying to see what they can get away with you need to say No!

wormshuffled · 02/05/2015 09:01

Could you discuss it with the other couple? See what their opinion on the split is?

Mrsjayy · 02/05/2015 09:06

The whole thing sounds a bloody nightmare before you even get there id be splitting it by most rooms or not going the larger family is taking the piss

Bombaybunty · 02/05/2015 09:08

We go on holiday with friends a lot. There are 3 of us and 5 of them.
Everything get divided by 8 and we pay 3/8, they pay 5/8.
This works for us.

peggyundercrackers · 02/05/2015 09:08

I would just get back to them saying it is more expensive than you were expecting and you can't afford it however if costs were divided on a per room or per person basis then you would reconsider.

Get your own transport - it's a nightmare sharing and then wanting to go somewhere different from everyone else or wanting to do your own thing.

absolutely pay for own food when out, if your buying food in then everyone pays into kitty for it in equal shares incl teenagers - if they aren't going to pay then their parents stump up for them.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 02/05/2015 09:28

Don't get sucked into this for the sake of keeping the peace. There's no way you should be paying for extra rooms for kids who aren't yours and to subsidise someone else's friends.

Reduce the number of rooms so the couple visiting don't get one - unless someone other than you pays for it. Divide cost of holiday per head, and agree on this for big food shops.

Or just pull out.

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