AIBU.. Holiday costs? Splitting accommodation dosh.

[IamtheDevilsAvocado]

Here's the deal...

A group of us are going to mainland Europe and hiring a villa in August .

We are two couples (one room each) and a a family with teenage kids (3 rooms).

To get a villa large enough without having to tolerate delightfully messy teenagers sleeping on floor, we've had to go up a price band.

Also the 'family' mum has insisted on an extra room so she can have her old friends that are native to the country to stay an odd few days here and there.. We have never met these people.

We are also travelling in Aug aroubd the kids holidays...we have sucked up the extra cost of travelling at peak time so we can all holiday together.

So we are booking a 6 bedroomed villa.. In August.

we have had a email with our proposed cost per couple/family...the total amount has been divided by 3..AIBU to be about this?

How would people divide this the most fairly? .. Without being seen as either petty or being taken advantage of..?

I wish you a great, peaceful, reasonably priced holiday. At the sane time I'm also wishing for an extremely outraged response from the other mim to your very sensible email refusing to subsidise them.

lost too complicated and unfair; if they did split out shared areas they should be split at least per head. pisstake family have 50% of the people staying and using them in their family (not including their visitors).

OP you could easily go to a 4 bed villa and larger family pays 50% as they are 50% of the bedrooms and 50% of the people.

if the larger family wants 4 bedrooms all for themselves they need to pay for them; that's 2/3 of the villa costs.

I probably would go but keep things as separate as possible from the family regarding accommodation and food (e.g. separate accommodation and just met up in the evening for food). That's is the only way to avoid feeling/getting ripped off.

Only got to page 2 but I'd pull out unless they are apologetic when you tell them it should be split fairly 50,25,25%.
And agree that you should get your own cars, you'll want to do couple things not be knocking around with them all the time.
Tbh as you haven't got kids I'd book a place for you not in the school hols. Much cheaper and more romantic.

A holiday is supposed to be fun, not a meeting like work because of one pair of pisstakers trying to get everyone else to subsidise their bullshit

Exactly!

Holidays with friends can work out fine if you're all on the same page regarding costs and not taking the piss. This doesn't sound like fun, it sounds like the family can't afford the kind of accommodation they want and expect you to subsidise them

We're going to Menorca in the summer with friends and sharing a villa. We've hired a 5 bed, we need 3 rooms (2 adults, 3 children, they need 2 (2 adults, 2 children). We're paying 3/5ths, they're paying 2/5ths. They wanted to split it 50/50 but there's no way we would let them pay more than their fair share. We've hired our own cars and basic food/loo roll shopping will be split properly too.

Just think of the holiday you and your DP could afford, perhaps with the other couple, without this pair of leeches, in July

We've done a number of shared holidays and there are always niggles, key thing is that there has to be benefits to both parties. In our case DS is an only so the slight irritations of having to rub along with other families (although we are great friends) is counterbalanced by him having playmates. We also go away with family and in that case the great irritation of being viewed as chief bottle washer and cleaner by virtue of my gender, is just about outweighed by DS having constant company and DH enjoying being with his family.

Big villas tend to be away from the swing of things as they need more space. For your money you could a smaller property much closer to amenities and much more suited to your needs.

There are no benefits to you to going on this holiday.

Downsides are:

• Teenagers who will sleep until noon, make mess everywhere and eat twice as much as an adult, but parents will not want to pay for

• Having to go when it's unfeasibly hot and expensive when you don't need to

• Annoying alcoholic Mum who will be 15x as bad when you can't escape

• Bad location which means you all have to drive around together so no escape from the family from h*ll

• Outnumbered so their requirements will always trump yours - been there, bought the t-shirt

• Cheapskate family trying to rip you off before you have even gone away.

Upsides
None unless you count the novelty value of having something to recall under worst holidays I have ever been on.

You've already accommodated them date wise yet they have gone on to take the piss massively.

Back away now because it's not going to improve and you will spend the entire holiday seething.

OP you should not reply saying you can't afford it because you can afford what is fair, and why make excuses? A woman like this needs to be told, why should she go away thinking "awww.. IamtheDevil is down on her uppers and skint and can't afford a holiday"

It's not that. You can afford to pay for a holiday for your family. What might stretch it, is subsidising another family!

I really need to know why 2 teens can't share. I really need to know why teens can't sleep on the sofa for a night whilst PisstakingWoman's friends come and visit for a night.

I really need to know why you would even contemplate going away in August when you don't have children yourself! Too hot and too expensive.

Because of the absolute cheek of PisstakingWoman, whatever she said now, however much she backtracked, I would not want to go on this holiday because she is so obviously selfish and thoughtless and will obviously be even worse when it comes to cars/drinks/food. She has no consideration and why do you want to spend precious hoiiday time with someone like that?

Haven't read the whole thread but I would email back and state that I am willing to pay 1/6 for my one room but if I'm required to stump up 1/3 then I damn well want 2 rooms.

6 room villa - divided by 1/1/4 the family needing 4 rooms pay 2/3 of the cost.

I personally would not go.

Don't go on holidays with these people. Book yourselves a room at a hotel, and let them book their own accommodation if they still want to come. They're pisstakers. They want you to fund their holiday. Don't let them get away with this shit.

Put feelers out by emailing back saying, "I think a fairer way of splitting costs would be either per person or per room. What do others think?"

Then, make your decision about pulling out or not, based on what response you get.

So what are you going to do OP?

Will add my raucous shouts of DONT GO! To the general consensus.

This trip WILL be hell on wheels AND you'll be paying ridiculous sums to subsidise a whole family's holiday.

The 'friends to stay' crap is NOT ON! They could be ANYONE! And you're paying for their room?

Bollocks to that.

There is no way on earth that this will turn out any other way than total disaster mumsnet classics gold

Don't bother putting feelers out, negotiating, compromises, etc.

Your holiday is supposed to be fun.

This family has thankfully shown you their true colours right now when, as it's not booked, you can pull out. You can tell the truth or go with one of the other more diplomatic suggestions.

But please just pull out because this will suck with these people as they have proven themselves utter pisstakers.

put feelers out by emailing back saying, "I think a fairer way of splitting costs would be either per person or per room. What do others think?"

Good suggestion.

I'd go in stronger than 'feelers'!

Say that if the accommodation is bein split like that, it's not financially viable and therefore id have to withdraw.

Let THEM rethink the situation and THEN tell them that it's not fair for anyone occupying a single room to be paying a third of the accommodation of those occupying 4.

But even if you go down this route, the writing is already on the wall, this will be a shit holiday and one you'll have paid out a fortune for.

Pull out!

Don't go. It's started off like this and won't get better. She's taking the piss from the get-go!

There'll be resentment about who gets the better bedrooms as there is unlikely to be three equally as good all with ensuites.

Hiring one car will be crap. They'll take it to go off all day and you'll be stuck where you are in the middle of nowhere - or you can go with them and suffer from the lack of autonomy.

The food and drink situation at the villa and out for meals will be a minefield. The mother will take over the shopping buying stuff that her family, especially the teens like, that'll you'll be contributing to that either 1) you wouldn't choose and won't eat or 2) when you do want to go and get one of the pack of 8 icecreams bought so everyone has one, your one has been eaten by someone else, probably one of the kids.

Even if you just put in the amount you eat plus tip on the table when the bill comes in a restaurant the mother will put it all on her card, and either only put a nominal tip in or no tip, so your tip will subsidise them.

It's very hard to get it equal but she's made no attempt to from the start so take that as your warning. I'd be bending over backwards to make it fair and would make that clear to everyone to reassure them. For example, saying we'll pay two-thirds accommodation also 2/3 basic food kitty with any extras only the kids eat kept separate. She's taking the piss already and if you pull her up on it there'll be the eye roll and "how petty of you, of course we'll keep it to the penny if you're that bothered" with all the passive aggressive "no, no, no, we'll put an extra EUR 1.7 in as we don't want anyone getting upset, do we".

Then there'll be the teen crap, arguing with parents, mess. The hell of living in close proximity with people and their habits, especially if you don't get the nicest room with the ensuite - there'll be sharing of bathrooms with teenagers, skid marks in loo, wet towels everywhere, hairs left in the shower, teen DD using your nice toiletries etc.

I've done it. We're not friends now. Never again. Any irritations will be magnified to the nth degree. You'll hate everything about them when you get back and while there will be constantly on your guard waiting for the next piss take.

People with big families can be terribly blind about costs in my experience. We go on holiday every year with a group of the same friends - I am a single parent with one child and we co-sleep so only take one room. We always split costs per bedroom for the rental and food costs are split so children cost 50%. It works fine and feels very fair.

I have however been on holiday with other friends and been stung for 'let's split costs per family' so I end up paying the same as the people who are a couple with 2/3 kids. I don't go away with those people any more because I am effectively subbing them.

In your shoes, I'd say that your max cost was £X which you had calculated as being 2/9 of cost of food and 1/5 (assuming you're in a 5 bedroom place). If that isn't how the costs are going to be split, then sorry you're out.

And if they're pissed off then tough

I would pull out and say though that you might pop down for a couple of nights now that you know they've got the extra bedroom for pop-by guests, and that'll be lovely as it'll save you so much money not having to pay for accommodation, just the flights!

How about this: all the communal areas, downstairs, pool area etc to be split 1/3 each (as you will all be using and enjoying the space). So maybe 50% of the total cost to be divided 1/3 each. Then the remaining 50% of the total cost to be split per bedroom so you and the other couple pay 1/6 each and the couple with teenagers pay 4/6. Confusing, but maybe a compromise suggestion. Good luck!

tbh, when you start getting into calculating costs to the extent of communal areas split this ratio, bedrooms this ration, kids under 1 free or 0.25 etc the writing is on the cards it's going to be crap in my view - who is monitoring this every day? And who is monitoring the monitor? I couldn't think of anything worse.

The only way it had a hope in hell's chance of working is if the organiser, who has the most kids, say's they'll pay 2/3s so the others feel it's more than fair. If they feel it's more than fair they won't mind forking out for the odd ice cream for everyone out to also feel generous, or a round of drinks, saying this one's on me. Everyone needs to have that similar level of generosity and fairness though as if one doesn't then the others start feeling under siege and tighten their belts too.

6 room villa - divided by 1/1/4 the family needing 4 rooms pay 2/3 of the cost.

Yes this. Not the 50/25/25% suggested by pp.

Sort it out now or you'll be so resentful and notice every small unfairness on holiday.

They are using you to subsidise their family holiday. 50%, 25%, 25% would be okay, although the family would be getting a pretty good deal still.

I'd pull out. Just say it hadn't occurred to you the costs would be split that wy and its too much. You'll do your own thing.