Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.. Holiday costs? Splitting accommodation dosh.

314 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/05/2015 07:12

Here's the deal...

A group of us are going to mainland Europe and hiring a villa in August .

We are two couples (one room each) and a a family with teenage kids (3 rooms).

To get a villa large enough without having to tolerate delightfully messy teenagers sleeping on floor, we've had to go up a price band.

Also the 'family' mum has insisted on an extra room so she can have her old friends that are native to the country to stay an odd few days here and there.. We have never met these people.

We are also travelling in Aug aroubd the kids holidays...we have sucked up the extra cost of travelling at peak time so we can all holiday together.

So we are booking a 6 bedroomed villa.. In August.

we have had a email with our proposed cost per couple/family...the total amount has been divided by 3..AIBU to be Hmm about this?

How would people divide this the most fairly? .. Without being seen as either petty or being taken advantage of..?

OP posts:
SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 13:03

OP - to be fair she may be just one of those people who rides roughshod over others, doesn't think about the cost implications etc… her downing of a bottle of wine a night doesn't help hoiks judgy pants up

Yes, you are nice, I'm not saying she's not but I think she's probably a trier-onner.

You've pulled out in time nothings booked, it would be a million times worse if you were on holiday, it all turned into the car crash it looks like it would be from my keyboard and you bitched her out and had a major fall out…

then she'd be aggrieved and you'd be upset. If her DH/OH chooses to get involved/feel aggrieved/try to swing you back into coming then by all means be nice/civil to him (her too!) but stand firm. She's been cheeky from the word go and she's damned lucky no one's pulled her up on that either!

Totality22 · 03/05/2015 13:04

Glad to hear it had not actually been booked, but there has been a lot of angst about basically saying no to a suggestion?

Glad it's all sorted and hopefully no harm done in terms of the hubby that you want to remain friends with, bet bossy boots in incredibly pissed off though.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 13:04

You could always add the killer (and untrue) that someone else has mentioned on another thread 'actually i forgot to tell you we're naturists - you and your OH and DC won't be bothered by our bits swinging around poolside'. watch them run…. Grin

Bearbehind · 03/05/2015 13:09

I think this thread might have a long way to go yet Grin

I very much doubt bossy mum will take this lying down- people with the brass neck to suggest such an inequitable split of costs generally don't!

I think there might be some interesting updates to be had when she replys.

Hold your resolve OP!

OrangeVase · 03/05/2015 13:10

Pull out. Really - it will be awful.

I have teens - they eat as much as an adult and take up as much space in the pool/ communal areas as an adult. They use the tv, the wi fi and will be more likely to help themselves to drinks and snacks in the fridge.

Generally, as a rule, I would split the cost per person or per room.

I would not agree to the hiring of a people carrier - that adds to your costs - when you don't need it.

Food would be split per person.

But even with the best will in the world disagreements will happen so if this is how they see it before you even start then I would walk away now. (Plenty of excuses available!)

Trills · 03/05/2015 13:13

Save the stressful negotiating for when/if you do have kids, DO have to go in the school holidays, and DO want to go with other people's children (in the hopes of sharing babysitting).

Trills · 03/05/2015 13:14

I forgot to ask, did you discuss this with couple 3 at any point?

Presumably they were as horrified as you to find out that they were expected to pay 1/3 of all the costs?

Maryz · 03/05/2015 13:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Stitchintime1 · 03/05/2015 13:29

I keep forgetting that you don't have children. Shouldn't you be going to New York and shagging a lot on holiday?

bloodyteenagers · 03/05/2015 13:32

I am waiting for the response from bossy, that well I was keeping an eye on the villa, and the dates were filling up quickly. So tough shit, either way you are paying dos I have booked it.. You did commit after all when we have spoken about it. And forget the last figure, it's now more.
Also been thinking about food etc when we are over. Because I am doing everything this side, I think its only fair that this bill should be split 40/40/10 and the 10 is our cost.
Sam with the people carrier, after all we will be doing th driving so it's only fair all these costs are split 40/40/10.

annielouise · 03/05/2015 13:40

I think the email was good. They can't complain about that - it's more expensive than you want pay. Also I like the bit about "even if we re-jig the figures" which is a polite way of telling her even if you were up for it there would have to be a re-jig of figures and you've cottoned on to her. But it's not so blunt she can take offence, so it's perfect.

They may well come back with a recosting if they desperately want you there but I'd still say no, sorry, it's a no go for us.

annielouise · 03/05/2015 13:42

But, as I'm a bit awful like this, I'd still say if we find somewhere in the area we might come over and stay a night or two if you have a spare bedroom in whatever villa you do go ahead and book. She might have a lightbulb moment then, ah, I've been caught out completely. Be disingenuous about it just for the pleasure of seeing her squirm a bit.

Blueandwhitelover · 03/05/2015 14:15

looking forward to the response!

Charley50 · 03/05/2015 14:44

OP; I felt guilty too when changing my mind about the villa holiday we were invited on. I think some people (e.g. me and you!) just feel guilty even when they have done nothing wrong. She just has to accept your decline, what else can she do?!!

YonicScrewdriver · 03/05/2015 16:05

never go on holiday in august if you don't have children and aren't a teacher Smile

windchime · 03/05/2015 16:58

I was burned like this once so never again. My DS and I went away with my mate, her mate (who we had never met) and my mate's DS and her new husband. When we arrived, we found that the four of us were sharing a room (with two double beds) so that the 'honeymoon' couple could have the lovely adjoining suite. Then mate informs me that the portion I paid for me and DS included part of the cost for her DS and husband to have a free stay because they hadn't had a honeymoon. I was a single parent at the time and was really upset. I hardly knew them. The couple had very good jobs and no kids. People take the piss whenever they can. Don't go YANBU.

SisterMoonshine · 03/05/2015 17:13

It'll be interesting to see what happens, as you not subsidising their holiday could change things for them.

Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/05/2015 19:35

Not to drip feed... No reply from boss pants .. Yet...

I can't imagine she'll take it lying down, no. In fact OH wonders if she'll turn up on door step furious we have messed up their holiday plans...
How quickly can i leave to a hidden destination??

I love Sarah louise 's idea of staying an hours drive away and then demanding use of a' free' room, and also not to contribute to the food costs.. As we are only staying a couple of nights and have bird - like appetities (read we intend staying a week and eat like vulturesSmile).

To be truthful, I'm a bit sad the fantasy of a fun holiday has disappeared... But with my real life head on.would know it would most likely be hell.

OP posts:
annielouise · 03/05/2015 20:03

Don't worry - she'd be well out of order to confront you with it. She's probably giving her OH an earful about it though Grin. I think now you've pulled out the other couple might do too. Thanks for the update.

YonicScrewdriver · 03/05/2015 20:07

Wait a few days then contact the other couple to see what they are doing? Perhaps they'd like a non august holiday for four then you could probably afford it!

Maryz · 03/05/2015 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FishWithABicycle · 03/05/2015 23:38

Good email. Only a nightmare holidzilla would take offence.

Jenny70 · 04/05/2015 02:41

And wait for the new thread from other couple when she replies she wants them to go halves in the 5 bedroom villa (or keep the 6 if she can find someone else that wants to visit for a night or two!).

You've done the right thing, and she was inconsiderate (at best) and blatently trying to subsidise their holiday (at worst).

Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/05/2015 04:19

Well OH bumped into bossypant's lovely OH in our local 7-11store this evening Shock. In the drink section...

He was fine with OH, and expressed sadness we weren't coming as was looking forward to our company etc etc...OH truthfully agreed with him. OH reiterated our withdrawal was mainly the unexpectedly high cost (it was' turning into a pricey luxury we cant fund'!) plus needing to save deposit etc etc.

Lovely man mumbled something about bossy being 'stressed' and looking for other villas in region... Hence being sent to get wine reinforcements.... He was surprised that bossy hadn't replied to us...

I'm not sure if this is a good or bad sign..

Lovely man didn't mention other couple... We're wondering that following our preparatory strike they too have pulled out.. If they are either worried about being asked to fund who knows 40/50 percent of the costs....or if they are now wondering of they are going to feel collonised by bossy and her teenagers as they would now be significantly outnumbered.

OP posts:
Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 04/05/2015 04:30

I am still feeling bad about this - I shouldn't should I? We have no reason to feel guilty do we... We pulled out before deposit was paid... . And for a very good reason... (esp if we were indeed going to be fleeced by bossy).

OH and I were chatting earlier how we were going to manage our r/s with them in future.. Bossy's Lovely OH is an old uni friend of mine and also OH gets on very well wirh him.

We both agreed that bossy herself was not someone whose company we would normally seek, for a long time we thought she was a fairly benign tiresome self- obsessed idiot... Now not so benign.

I think we need to find ways of seeing him either on his own more - they live in same smallish town - or in a much larger group as a family... We are not massive fans of his kids at the mo..altho we realise they will change as they nature

OP posts: