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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU.. Holiday costs? Splitting accommodation dosh.

314 replies

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 02/05/2015 07:12

Here's the deal...

A group of us are going to mainland Europe and hiring a villa in August .

We are two couples (one room each) and a a family with teenage kids (3 rooms).

To get a villa large enough without having to tolerate delightfully messy teenagers sleeping on floor, we've had to go up a price band.

Also the 'family' mum has insisted on an extra room so she can have her old friends that are native to the country to stay an odd few days here and there.. We have never met these people.

We are also travelling in Aug aroubd the kids holidays...we have sucked up the extra cost of travelling at peak time so we can all holiday together.

So we are booking a 6 bedroomed villa.. In August.

we have had a email with our proposed cost per couple/family...the total amount has been divided by 3..AIBU to be Hmm about this?

How would people divide this the most fairly? .. Without being seen as either petty or being taken advantage of..?

OP posts:
Stitchintime1 · 02/05/2015 17:38

Maybe they are being a bit thick rather than greedy.

expatinscotland · 02/05/2015 18:19

They are not thick, the family mum spearheaded and organised all of this, right to her family's advantage.

Discussing with pisstakers is like farting in the wind.

DinosaursRoar · 02/05/2015 18:35

Sophie - I would if confronting someone about their cheekiness would damage the friendship, but more importantly, I'd want out of the holiday. If they can't see the unfairness in this and need it pointing out to them, they are more likely to be piss takers with buying food/splitting bills, making arrangements that suit everyone, not just them. It has the potential to be friendship ending holiday. Finding a polite way out of it seems the best outcome, not a renegotiation of the villa hire costs.

minkGrundy · 02/05/2015 18:40

Waiting to see how this infolds

Stitchintime1 · 02/05/2015 18:41

I suppose it comes down to whether you think it might be worth trying to make it work in order to spend a holiday with some people you like. If this request is making you reel back in horror, then I guess you can say it's more than you intend to pay or something like that.

Legwarmersforboys · 02/05/2015 18:43

Back out, f it's a pain before you go it will only be worse when it happens.

cerealqueen · 02/05/2015 18:54

Never holiday with families with kids unless you have kids similar ages and they can entertain eachother/get on well.

Never holiday with people who want a bunch of strangers to tag along at their invitation.

That's it.

Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/05/2015 07:15

Sorry for delay! Long day - out of range...

Thanks for all the comprehensive replies.. Esp those who pointed out stuff we hadn't thought of...

Anyway OH awoke from beauty sleep....
We discussed dosh, as well as all the other additional issues we hadn't really thought of... Eg who cooks, who clears up afterwards(after 9 people!) , the amount of likely mess in villa... OH helpfully pointed out that bossymum+ and our lovely friend live at home in a rather chaotic state... With 'borderline' hygiene (imho!) We are by no means super tidy but very different levels of tolerance to 'hygiene' (not to be too judgeypants on this!)... Who would end up doing the majority of general cleaning up .... Hmm. We expected to Pitch in and do our 'share', but I think it unlikely it would be this.... Think bossymum would in all likelihood wander off to pool with the kids and get pissed...

Sorry to disappoint... Don't think you'll be getting the 'August holiday from hell with bossymum' thread... Or much less likely....

As not to act too swiftly (OH likes spreadhseets) ... We did a back of envelope calculation... Oh my...! Even with a fairer share of the accommodation.(20 - 25 per cent) .. Just with all the food added in... Let alone going out and doing stuff.. .. Is going to be at least 50% more than we would normally pay for a holiday Confused.... That's without any car hire we're strong armed into...

Also if we're going to spend much of our 'fun' holiday feeling resentful about how much we're subsidising... I think also there's potential for 'foodbill gate' . ..One of tje kids is well known for his uncontrolled greediness around 'treats'. .. Also I'm not sure I have the energy to to try and nail down discussions about booze... OH said bossymum can put away a bottle of wine plus daily .. That's when she's working (works from home...)

To those who were asking... We really do like these people (apart from boss mum.. ).

We've not managed to speak to other couple yet... Although I'm increasingly thinking we should just, be assertive (quake...) and make our own decision regardless of their plans... Although I think we do need to speak to them (they may he feeling as aggrieved as us)... as us pulling out will also mean their holiday is in jeopardy... then if they are angry wirh us.. . Are we prepared to suck up all these mounting costs to keep the peace...

We're going to have a see if we can stay nearby in another, smaller, villa...
Although whay others were saying about carribean holidays for next to nothing

OP posts:
Original poster
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 03/05/2015 07:24

Hit the button too soon...

Really seems we're still in a PITA situation.... Aaargh! Booking somewhere else...wonder if tje other couple are up for it?

I think we're edging towards definitely pulling out of the ' 9 of us plus assorted bossymums friends packed into a villa.... For no other reason if were feeling this mweh about it now... It's supposed to be fun ffs. Also, could keep a much closer rein on finance in our own villa.

Anyone any idea how we can phrase it to tje other couple... Without it seeming we're ganging up...?

OP posts:
Roussette · 03/05/2015 07:50

If you get the other couple onside it will seem like ganging up. How close are you to them, compared to BossyM's family? Could you just contact both families saying the same thing? If you fancy holidaying with 'other family', who you said aren't so well off, you will have to contact them in advance, or would you just prefer to be on your own?

Personally, I would just contact BossyM or BossyM's DH and say you've thought it through, you've realised it is not going to work with 4plus assorted visitors of them, and just you two as it will cost too much and be too complicated to sort out finances fairly either beforehand or on the holiday, so you want to pull out. If they've got any sense, they will realise why you are pulling out. You shouldn't say you can't afford it. You can afford your own holiday for two of you, you just can't afford subsidising them!

Is your friend, the nice DH, likely to know about the arrangements? Or has he left it all to his wife. If so, you could have a quiet word with him. But whatever you say or do, I still wouldn't be going on this holiday!

rookiemere · 03/05/2015 07:59

I'd send an email, copying in other friends.

I'd say that you've added up the costs and you hadn't realized how much a peak time holiday would be and that it's out of your price bracket. You thank Bossy Mum for all her hard work in trying to find something suitable, but express your regrets that you can't come.

If you start getting into discussing the cost of the villa per group, then it takes you back into the realms of perhaps you might go if costs were more fairly sorted out. Whereas with your update, you'd be complete fools to go away with these people.

You can't say anything just now to other couple, that will seem like ganging up and it's not appropriate just now, but maybe once the dust has settled Wink.

Hissy · 03/05/2015 08:04

Agreed, just pull out and do something else. Don't talk to other couple first, but let them know as soon as you've told the bossy/greedy/grabby lot. Let them make their own decisions, they can find another villa if they are card carrying insane determined that this is what they want to do.

Hissy · 03/05/2015 08:06

I dare say the others may be struggling in the same way as you to find a way of backing out.

VelvetRose · 03/05/2015 08:16

I'd go with Rookimere's idea.. I think if you start negotiating and trying to sort this complicated situation out it will only cause bad feeling and the holiday will be really miserable for you. I do think you should be honest about why you don't want to go though. You've been put in a very unfair situation and have every right to rethink. Why should you subsidise their holiday to such an extent?

DrinkFeckArseGirls · 03/05/2015 08:23

Don't worry OP about disappointing us due to not going. I'm still counting on a hilarious response from bossyMum. Hmm
Grin

LindyHemming · 03/05/2015 08:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

oddfodd · 03/05/2015 08:45

Just say you can't go because it's just too expensive and copy in the other couple.

You were a bit bonkers for agreeing to this in the first place though, particularly when you don't even like the mum. A villa holiday with someone you're not keen on is awful, even if you take the money stuff out of the equation.

Also, what mintyy said

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 03/05/2015 08:53

Whever we go self catering (we do so annually with around 15 of us) - the cost is split per bed. So if the house sleeps 16 and there are 16 of us the total is split per person. If any babies come who dont need a bed,they dont pay. Keeps it simple.

So in your case, the villa sleeps 10, and thus the price should be split by ten, with you paying 2/10, the other couple paying 2/10 and the family paying 6/10 (am I right in thinking this includes the extra room for guests?)

dingit · 03/05/2015 08:54

I haven't read the whole thread, but we went self catering in a caravan last year with my BIL and his two kids who I adore.
I wouldn't go again. Dh constantly put his hand in his pocket, we did most of the food shopping, BIL vaguely waved cash every so often, but it certainly wasn't fair. His kids ( teenagers) wouldn't lift a finger, although he helped. It spoiled the holiday for me. Next time it will be separate caravans!

Totality22 · 03/05/2015 09:03

How long have you known these people? (Bossy mum and her hubby and kids?)

Sorry but first mistake was to agree to go away to suit school holiday times.... it makes my mind boggle that anyone would pay the premium to go away when they don't need to?

I'd be pulling out asap.

OhWotIsItThisTime · 03/05/2015 09:14

Pull out quick to give the other couple a chance to make their own arrangements. That's much preferable to going bankrupt and on the holiday from he'll just because you want to be polite.

A simple 'I'm sorry, but we can't afford to go during the school holidays. You guys go ahead without us and have a lovely time.' Will do it.

And ring them, not just email, if you can.

pluCaChange · 03/05/2015 09:19

I'm not sure the other couple will be as upset as you fear! After all, if you and DH were preparing to sleepwalk into this, and arefeeling awkward about pulling out, the likelihood is that the other couple will also be experiencing something similar...

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 09:35

Don't feel guilty and also don't feel you have to stay in another villa nearby. Last thing I'd want on holiday is to bump into bossymum pissed with her greedy teen in local
Supermarche and get death stares! Grin. Or spend 2 weeks running into them in bars, beaches etc by accident on some small Island and no escape...

I somehow think the other couple will be ok bossymum not so.

Just cancel ASAP and give reasons re budgeting. Which after all are true.

MrsKoala · 03/05/2015 09:35

I would defo no apologise and not say i couldn't afford it as such, just its unfairly split and at a way more expensive time. I would say something along the lines of. 'Thanks for looking into all of that bossymum, but we've now decided against it. We didn't realise how you were planning on splitting the costs or that the school holidays would add so much to our expectations. Hope you all have a lovely time tho'.

SuperFlyHigh · 03/05/2015 09:36

You could quite easily mention school holiday cost of s fictional colleague who's got in before you with dates and no one to cover you "sad face".