To want to have someone pay their way?

[Suffdad79]

I realise this could go down a gender expectation rabbit hole but please bear with me as I do really want to have a female perspective on it:

I'm divorced with two children who I'm lucky and see a lot of and, since the split, I have taken them on holiday a couple of times. Both really nice holidays but would have been nice to have shared them with some grown up company.

Anyway, I am now something of an item with someone I have known a long time and we thought it would be great for the 4 of us to go on holiday together this summer. One of the things I've always known about her was her independence and how she's always working and saying that she would never want to be reliant on a man - that's actually a very attractive quality after being with someone for 9 years who didn't actually contribute anything to the relationship and left a financial apocalypse at the end of it and who happily spent every penny I earned. And yet...

The final balance for the holiday is due and not one penny has so far been forthcoming so i've had to pay the lot today - I'm obviously paying for me and my kids and she was going to pay for herself. Am I likely to see any of that money or am I being taken for a mug? I have a feeling I'm going to do that British thing of letting it slide for the sake of politeness...

Luckily I have a good job, a reasonable lifestyle and I'm making headway in rebuilding my life but I swore to myself I would never again get into any relationship where it wasn't completely equal. I genuinely think that if I end up paying for this, there is no future with her as I'm just setting the tone for the future - again.
Am I being unreasonable about this or should I just accept that, as a man, I'm a walking wallet?

I guess she's not coming then. Good to find out early on.

Haven't read every single post but sounds like you still have lots of baggage hanging around re ex and the way you perceive her behav. Personally I wouldn't go away with partner and 3 kids unless things were pretty stable between us - holiday with 3 stepkids - that you don't know well - hmmm oxymoron and then you want me to pay for my torture.....I would be having second thoughts - her timing is crap though and she should reimburse just based on that whether she goes or not. But also talk more, face up to the difficult conversations, seems that both before and now this has been an issue.

Yeah, that's the thing - I've been completely fine about it and have given her lots of opportunities to back out but she insists she wants to come.

The money is actually not a huge amount, it's the principle of 'do what you say you're going to do' that is make or break for me.

It actually is an incredible deal for her for two weeks all inclusive because her coming on the holiday gives a discount on the kids (which is discriminatory to single parents by the way!) so she only needs to pay the difference between what I would be paying for me and the kids and what the discounted cost is for the 4 of us.

And has she paid yet, OP?

She clearly has no intention of paying, otherwise she would have told you why she's having trouble getting the money to you. If she had spoken to you straight away about a cash flow problem, then things would be different, you could decide to treat her to the holiday, or accept payment in stages etc.

Personally, I'd back out of the relationship because this is only going to happen again.