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Original poster

...to ask for your funny in law stories to make me feel better?

219 replies

Oobis · 28/04/2015 11:38

Hi, I'm new to using this, so I apologise if this topic has been done to death! My FIL is a nightmare. There isn't space on here to go into detail, but I was hoping for some comical stories to make me feel better about my narcissistic, arrogant, misogynistic nitwit.

OP posts:
IggyStrop · 29/04/2015 19:48

It's not an in law thread until SDTG's FIL appears in his beige, blathering about the supermarkets of Penzance!

(Saw you on similar thread recently, my FIL is obsessed with the supermarkets in his locale, but usually includes bakeries and garden centres too)

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 20:07

NoArmani

Congratulations on your news! Yes it does rather put a dampener on it when someone ruins it by making a stupid remark or is selfish. My MIL cried when I announced my pregnancy a few weeks ago

BlahBlahBloodyBlah · 29/04/2015 20:08

Lost key saga....

MIL: I'm really sorry but I've lost my key to your house.

Me: Oh never mind I'll get another one cut for you.

MIL: No, no, it's my fault so I'll get one cut when I'm next in town.

Me: Well the problem is that I haven't got another spare one to give you so you can get one cut.

MIL: in a patronising tone) I know, because I've lost it, but don't worry I'll get one cut when I'm in town.

Me: Well to do that you need to take one with you don't you?

MIL: No I'll just tell the man I've lost it.

Me: But....but....Oh OK then.

MIL: Thinking about it I could do that on Tuesday then when I come over on Wednesday I can let myself in as usual.

Me: Fine.

She then rang DH on Tuesday evening all in a tizzy because the man in Timpson's couldn't understand the situation.....because he had a funny accent.

flabbyducks · 29/04/2015 20:15

bearfrills she must get round on her broomstick

Selok · 29/04/2015 20:18

My MIL is in love with his son, although she has got another son and a daughter but my hubby is the first child and she still, after 11 years is not aware that he is actually married with a daughter and has his own family life! They have a 'circle of trust' between mum and the siblings ( aged 51, 50 and 44) it is damn difficult to break into. I still havent managed since 11 years lol !

Tiredemma · 29/04/2015 20:21

My MIL told myself and DP to come to the pub that she ran in fancy dress - assured us that all and sundry would be attending in fancy dress.

We purchase new outfits. I am a Pirate and DP is a Cave Man.

We arrive into pub, into bar full of normally dressed people.

Still unsure why we was asked to go in fancy dress- we looked like knobheads.

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 29/04/2015 20:21

m0therOfdragons

That's hilarious! having a strop because you snubbed her in a hypothetical zombie apocalypse Grin

Puffykins · 29/04/2015 20:27

My MIL asks me to move out of the way in photographs. She's only interested in DH and the DCs. She had an album made of our wedding, there were no photographs of me at all (just my arm in a couple, she cropped me out.) we barely see them now. And certainly they never come and see us.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/04/2015 20:31

We should get them together, Iggy!

LokiBear · 29/04/2015 20:32

After reading the zombie apocalypse post I feel I got off lightly! I'm lucky because we do get on. They are just a bit much at times and they over step. I'm getting better at telling them though and DH does too. Reading this thread I could do worse!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/04/2015 20:43

Thanks for the congratulations moomin and congratulations to you too Ollie MILs shoot themselves in the foot when they can't say anything nice about a pregnancy. She's desperate to baby sit and it's making me think I'll keep that to a minimum now.

Judgementalbadgerface · 29/04/2015 20:48

wow some truly awful PIL here!! really feel for anyone coping with some of this awfulness Sad I'll add some hopefully more light hearted ones..

every time I have ever been to stay with MIL she has only ever put one towel out, for DH. I always always have to ask for more. There are now four of us and this still happens.

For a long time she only had photos up of me with my eyes shut in them. including a wedding photo (that she had taken, badly).

She also positions greetings cards on her mantelpiece so that they cover me in photos Grin

When staying with her she wanders in and out of our room 'helping' by flapping bed covers etc Angry

She once tried to correct me saying I had got DD's birth month wrong Shock I hadn't.

She doesn't approve of tipping and once after a group meal out I caught her taking money back from the tip!

When we were buying our first house and stressing waiting to see if the offer had been accepted she said 'I don't know what you're worried about, it's not your money'. most of the deposit was DH's due to an inheritance but even so..

She and FIL invited themselves to stay with us on our first valentines day living together, and then followed up the next year by inviting themselves for our first wedding anniversary. We told them they were welcome to stay and promptly booked a weekend away. They thought it would be 'nice to celebrate together'

Thankfully she has mellowed over the years but I definitely have a threshold amount of time I can spend with her!

Bearfrills · 29/04/2015 20:51

she must get round on her broomstick

:o :o :o

I remembered another thing. With each pregnancy announce we made her first question was always "who else knows?" followed by "how long have they known?" and "how come they knew before me?"

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 21:04

NoArmani When are you due? Ours is due on my MILs birthday!! We will never hear the day of it!

When we told her the due date (we stupidly thought she would like it) she said "Oh no how are you going to chose?" she seemed disappointed my child may take the limelight away from her!

Bearfrills my MIL did that as well! She asked why we 'kept it from her for so long' we told her on the day of the 12 week scan!

Puffykins I bought my MIL a lovely photo frame so she could put our wedding photos in it, when I went round to the house she had filled it with Photos of my DH and his brother when they were little, finished with a big one of them standing together at the wedding in the centre! Grin

IggyStrop · 29/04/2015 21:08

SDTG yes, they could have a supermarket-off. Like a rap battle, but really really really really dull.

Libitina · 29/04/2015 21:40

FrankTurnersGuitar

I'm so sorry your inlaws are such shits Flowers

Rozzy83 · 29/04/2015 21:53

I actually really like my MiL but she comes out with the most ridiculous stuff:

She's always asking me if I have a 'floor cloth' ? I've never met anyone who does, a tea towel that needs washed normally gets thrown on the floor.

When discussing her approaching 60th birthday she announced that she wanted to go abroad so DH, FiL and I were all suggesting places. Someone said Croatia, to which she raised an eyebrow and declared in all seriousness that to her, Croatia was like SPAR and she would never go!

She can't eat pork that smells 'piggy'. Er.....

There are hundreds more and my DH thinks it's all quite normal!

NoArmaniNoPunani · 29/04/2015 22:06

I'm due end of December, good way of getting out of visiting the in-laws at Christmas

TinLizzie · 29/04/2015 22:13

Rozzy83 Spooky - I sound a bit like your MIL! Except I'm not Grin.

I have a floorcloth.
I don't like bacon that smells piggy (sometimes it does - honest!)

MissPenelopeLumawoo2 · 29/04/2015 22:20

Supermarkets of Penzance - Stop it now my sides are splitting!!

turtle23 · 29/04/2015 22:23

My mother in law (when DS1 was 6 months) promounced that I was a pervert as I insisted on breastfeeding him at such an old age. It was apparently for my own sexual pleasure. I didn't speak to her for quite a while after that.

We made up and 2 years later we had another falling out because she said I was a "hideous human being who treated her children like they were adults." I asked my 2 year old to eat spaghetti bolognaise in a restaurant. He had ordered it, double checked a picture of it and agreed that "sketti" was what he wanted. A fight ensued and I called her a c*. I never call anybody that but I hate her.

DS1 has ASD, which I made up to get attention (obviously) except that in the last few months she has started to admit that exH was exactly the same as a child and she thought at the time that he was not right.

Baby steps.

Weathergames · 29/04/2015 22:29

My now FIL is quite sweet but similar to the Penzance monologue's except it's an obsession with his health, others health and his medication and taking it. It really is horrendously dull.

For some reason SMIL is in charge of his medication (not her choice) and there are endless fucking dull conversations about it to the point I swear she is taking te medication (tramadol) too to ease the dullness of it.

On top of this they watch every single soap known to man (I watch none) and take over the remote control (5 hours one evening!!!) which makes me want to cut my own head off.

Other than that they are lovely Smile

KERALA1 · 29/04/2015 22:38

Mine are very negative and miserable. The only thing that energises them is others misfortune particularly holiday related. They were obsessed with that poor couple that went sailing and got abducted by pirates. All their own fault according to pil.

They prefer holidays where you are carefully managed at all times Like coach trips or cruises. Maddeningly when they are out with us they behave like passive tourists and trail round after us leaving us to take all decisions/read maps / drive etc. it gets very wearing they are very early 60s so not doddery.

foslady · 29/04/2015 22:39

My xMIL was generally ok - actually get on great since the divorce! - but when announced my pregnancy said she thought a nice girls name would be a mix of the 2 grandmothers. There was me thinking her name and my mums name Hmm.....no, she meant HER mothers name combined with HER MIL's name.....

Dd has a totally different name!!!

MissusThePoint · 29/04/2015 23:04

My MIL burst in to tears and ran off to her room when we announced we were getting married.

No apology or explanation ever followed. I didn't realise this was a common MIL 'thing'.

Oh, and I bloody hope whichever MNer accused me of 'MIL-bashing' the other month is reading this thread!!