I'm back for Round Two, this is very cathartic.
When DS1 was born it became very clear, very quickly, that he was viewed as the also-ran and MIL couldn't particularly give a shit about having a relationship with him.
When he was about 6mo she mentioned that he really reminds her of DH's cousin. I said "because he's got such a big smile". She replied "no, the other reason". DH's cousin has severe learning difficulties and behavioural issues. DS is currently awaiting assessment for ADHD and this particular remark keeps running through my head.
She and SIL massively kicked off when DB took DS out for a few hours. I had morning sickness, he called in for a visit, I looked like crap so he took the baby for a bit. They had no plans to take DS out, hadn't offered or mentioned taking him out, but heaven forbid anyone else should. MIL told me to watch my back and that I was going to get jumped because I was evil.
A few weeks later, when I'd lost the baby I was carrying at 15wks, she was all apologies. We went to DNs birthday party and she'd told everyone at the party what had happened. She'd also told them that I was closed down about it and needed to open up so for the entire party I had her pissed up mates trailing me around trying to talk me into an emotional breaththrough.
We had a year of NC after she had a special Christmas Eve tea for DN and attempted to post DS gift, despite living five minutes away. During that year I had DD and for various reasons mainly because I'm stupid I decided to give her another chance at a relationship with the DC. DH had completely washed his hands of her at this point.
DS and DD were, again, second best. One afternoon she was going on and on about a trip to a railway museum they were going to take DN on. DS said "I like trains too..." she at least had the good grace to look uncomfortable when she told him "oh well, your mum and dad might take you".
One afternoon when we visited her house they got DN a snack without even asking DS if he wanted one, they were both 3yo so very much at the age where you can't give one without the other but DS had to watch DN eat. I stopped taking them to the house when I overheard BIL remark one afternoon as we were coming in the door "quick, here's DS, hide the toys!"
She would arrange to see the DC, promise them the moon on a stick, and then not bother showing up. Her excuse would always be that her DP had been ill. On one occasion she used this excuse, said they'd been at the walk in all day. A few hours later photos were on FB of her out for a meal with her other grandchildren earlier that day when she'd supposedly been at the walk in.
On DS birthday she sent her DP up to the house half an hour after bedtime with five £1 coins in an envelope from her, her DP, other SIL, and SILs DP. Not great that she didn't deliver it herself considering it was his birthday (she was at her house with her ither grandchildren) but fair enough. On DDs birthday a fortnight later, she turned up at the door with a tablet for her. That's when I finally lost my temper and told her that I accept she plays favourites with her children and that she plays favourites with her grandchildren, but I'll be dammed if she'll play favourites with my children.
It's been nearly two years since we saw her and it's been blissful, even if she does occasionally stalk us and tells anyone who will listen that she doesn't understand what she did to upset us and it's all down to me :o
And breathe....