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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to ask for your funny in law stories to make me feel better?

219 replies

Oobis · 28/04/2015 11:38

Hi, I'm new to using this, so I apologise if this topic has been done to death! My FIL is a nightmare. There isn't space on here to go into detail, but I was hoping for some comical stories to make me feel better about my narcissistic, arrogant, misogynistic nitwit.

OP posts:
roslyndee · 29/04/2015 10:52

MIL said I was disgusting for allowing children around animals and that I should have got rid of my cats when DD was born.

We now have 3 cats and 3 dogs :)

RugBugs · 29/04/2015 11:06

DPs Mother is in the batshit crazy camp.
When told of the impending arrival of her first Grandson she broke down in tears wailing that DP had 'thrown his youth away'. He's 26, settled in his profession and we have a 4 and a 1 year old already. That ship has sailed!
Would she rather he was 28 still at home having never worked a day like his DB?
We had to do a mad food dash on 23rd Dec last year when she uninvited us for Christmas because her eldest DD and her DD wanted to come over instead.
She's a HV and I feel really sorry for the poor parents who feel obliged to let her into their homes and listen to her crap.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/04/2015 11:37

My PIL divorced some years ago. Last summer, we had them both visit, in quick succession.

MIL's visit was lovely, but stressful and distressing, because she was in her last months of life, due to cancer, and was a shadow of her former self - she was an amazing mum, MIL and grandmother, and it was so hard seeing her unable to eat much or walk any distance at all. But we had the best time we could with her, and made some good memories.

Less than a week after she'd gone home, my FIL came for a visit. Almost the first thing he said when he got into the house was 'It's wonderful, you know, how well I have kept my health - I am never ill!' Considering that he knew how poorly my MIL was, dh and I were pretty gobsmacked at this utter tactlessness. I didn't expect him to be as emotional about it as dh and dbil were - they were divorced, after all - but I DID expect him to have a little care and thought for his son, who was about to lose his much loved mother!

In the end, I took him aside, and told him, quite bluntly, how tactless he had been. He didn't apologise.

When MIL did pass away, it did not occur to him that his sons might be in need of some support from their father - the odd phone call, perhaps, to see how they were coping - none of that. I even told him directly, on the phone, that they could do with a bit of parental concern from him, but still nothing.

His main concern seemed to be whether he could have the kitchen cutlery and implements, and the fact that he would no longer be classed as the Chief Mourner. He has all the tact and sensitivity of a house brick.

Actually, that is not fair. I like house bricks.

On a lighter note, when he came to stay, he was with us for 9 days. For those 9 days, his entire wardrobe consisted of the following:

2 pairs cotton chinos - beige.

2 heavy cotton shirts - beige.

1 heavy cotton jacket - beige.

1 waistcoat - light brown.

1 tie - dark brown.

Every fucking day, he wore beige from head to foot. We had considered a trip to the beach, with the dogs, but didn't dare, because we'd have lost him as soon as he stepped onto the sand!

And because he is deaf, he can't join in the conversations, so he monologues instead. Supermarkets Of Penzance, was one monologue that I heard pretty much every day he was with us. Bell Ringing And Bell Towers was another one. At one point, he and I were left in the car, whilst dh and FIL's lady friend nipped into Sainsburys. Because we were at a fucking supermarket, I got the Extended Play version of the Supermarkets Of Penzance monologue - I was texting dh throughout telling him I was going to kill someone if he didn't come back to the car soon!

We are coming up to the time of year when he will be wanting to plan a visit to us. I have already made it abundantly clear to dh that a) the visit should be no more than 5 days, and he is to make sure of this, and b) he (dh) must be on annual leave the whole time - if he thinks he can book the odd day off, but leave me to entertain FIL the rest of the time, he is sorely mistaken - I have said I will leave home!

dependentspouse · 29/04/2015 11:39

Love these stories. Mine are funny but not in a ha ha way unfortunately....Shock.

  • FIL is batshit crazy and I think in the early stages of dementia. He over the years guilted all of his children including DH to buy into property investments in order to line his own pockets, which then crashed in value with the property crash here in Ireland (I know this wasn't his fault!).... we are now left in a position that we are unable to buy a family home Sad however he and MIL are in their mansion with holiday homes abroad and very comfortable.
  • Echoing lots of PPs they show immense favouritism towards their other GC (I'm the only DIL with a child). It was especially lovely to see the photos of their special trip to Santa last Christmas with the other 5 GC but no DD. Luckily she is too young to understand just yet and my parents dote on her.
  • But actually I'm not that bothered about DD not spending much time with MIL given how vacuous she is Grin. My favourite was last year when her laser facial peel went wrong and she ended up with a red raw face for days
londonrach · 29/04/2015 11:46

I have good inlaws (mostly) but fil had a hernia he thought recently and knowing i have some medical knowledge (chiropodist) asking me to diagnosis and check this until then undiagnosed hernia. Didnt want to see my fil bits and pieces but was shown it before i could say anything (may i point out this was in lounge in front of mil and dh, with dh saying you the one with the most medical knowledge) anyway. Yep it looked like a hernia, go and see your doctor was my response... He now going around saying he has rupted himself!

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 11:47

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I'm so sorry about the loss of your MIL, she sounds like an amazing woman. Just because they are divorced doesn't mean your FIL shouldn't have behaved with more tact and compassion. She was still the mother of his children and they shared a marriage together, really disgraceful behaviour.

Apart from some horrible stories that a few PPs have been brave enough to share, this thread is funny as shit!

I see some themes emerging- crying at wedding/ marriage announcements and crying at pregnancy announcements seem to be popular Grin

londonrach · 29/04/2015 11:47

Can i just add the hernia was very very low down...

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 11:54

londonrach oh my god thats just the worst...

Reminds me of one of my FILs 'habits' i LOVE my FIL, hes nothing like MIL and so easy to get on with and funny. BUT he never closes the toilet door when he goes for a wee, also; he pulls his trousers AND boxers right down to the floor while hes standing there with his back to the door! The amount of times Ive walked past and being confronted with his bare bum, door wide open...

Cleorapter · 29/04/2015 12:15

At a family wedding my MIL was rather snap happy with her camera.

Eventually she put the photos up on Facebook, I wasn't in a single one.

I was the bride, the one marrying her son!

grannytomine · 29/04/2015 12:25

My MIL wore black to the wedding, not a hint of colour, not a scarf or jewellery completely black and she sobbed throughout the service.

When we told her we were expecting our second son she went mad, went in the kitchen and started smashing dishes.

Redhead11 · 29/04/2015 12:36

My FIL was a lovely man and obviously had the patience of a saint to put up with MIL, who was as crazy as a box of frogs. She constantly told me that breast feeding 'wasnae natural' Confused and that i had to continue having babies after DD2 was born, because XH 'needed a son'. the fact he had one from his previous marriage seemed to have escaped her there. At our wedding, MIL didn't crack a single smile all day. (Actually, neither did DF, but that's another story) She wore a really boring dark blue suit with a hat that made her look not unlike a mushroom which she had also worn to SIL's wedding about 40 years before!

I am thankful that she had already developed dementia by the time XH and i parted company as she could be a vindictive bitch when the mood took her and her sons were perfect... (but she never said a bad word about anyone, she always assured us, moments before doing just that!)

Lambzig · 29/04/2015 13:01

Some of these are so horrible, I thought I had it badly off.

My own MIL is utterly bonkers and I do tend to shield DH from some of her excesses as he would be furious. Luckily we don't see them more than about twice a year.

MIL acknowledged that her darling son marrying me, a divorced woman, could have been slightly worse, after all, he could have married a convicted murderer in jail.

She offered to make our wedding cake as a present, design decided and plans made. She rang up 5 days before to say that she didn't have time and her oven wasn't working properly and she was too tired. Thank heavens for Patisserie Valerie.

She describes her other grandchildren as her 'real grandchildren' as ours were conceived through IVF and the pope doesn't approve (presumably she has asked him) so they are not real.

judydoes · 29/04/2015 13:27

Derek, a pig !!! Grin Grin

UncleT · 29/04/2015 14:33

Lamb that's so twisted! 'Real grandchildren' indeed. I can scarcely believe how cruel and abusive so much of the behaviour described on this thread is. Shock

ToriaPumpkin · 29/04/2015 14:37

The wedding cake story reminded me. My MIL made a big fuss about how distasteful our wedding cake was. On and on and on.

DH and I came up with a brief and my mother made it. MIL knew this. She still comments on it now nearly nine years later!

FWIW it wasn't a giant penis or a large sugarcraft boudoir shot. It was sheep. Two white ones, a black one and a field of tiny ones for a fruit sheet cake on the bottom. Two of the, almost hidden, tiny sheep were a bit... amorous.

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 14:52

Oh my goodness I would seriously love to see that cake, thats a thread in its self! :D

UncleT I know, some of the stories are just awful, really nasty :(

mrsnlw2012 · 29/04/2015 15:04

Im back again....

MIL frequently hops on a plane to Turkey (4 hours flight) and often takes a 12 hour bus ride from one end of Turkey to the next but wont come up to see us 3 hours away - she has been 4 times in 9 years.

When we had found out we were expecting, we decided to wait and tell them (IL's when we went down at Christmas (I would have been approx 6 weeks). I overheard MIL say about getting the wine glasses out and nudged DH who shot up and discreetly said to MIL that I wasnt drinking because I was expecting - the response "Oh right, well you can tell the whole family in a minute when we have dinner" DH was quitwe deflated at her response. We then sat and told MIL, FIL, SIL and SIL's DH.... The whole response was pretty much "oh right" no congratulations or anything despite us and them being aware we may not be able to have children.... Yet when SIL announced she was pregnant the first time (she too thought she couldnt have children) you didnt hear the end of it

MrsKravitzFromAcrossTheStreet · 29/04/2015 15:04

That cake sounds ace!

Some of these are astonishingly bad. I am honestly amazed that some of you seem to still be in contact with these awful people - I have pretty much cut my in-laws out of my life for much less (grandchild favouritism, so still pretty bad).

mrsnlw2012 · 29/04/2015 15:06

Oh and MIL insisting that DS calls her Nanny even though her 3 other Grandkids call her Grandma all because my Mum is also Grandma and he "might get confused" I dont think so love - he sees my Mum 3/4 times a week.... and your 2 times a year is lucky and Ill be damned if you are making my child stand out from the others

YouTheCat · 29/04/2015 16:19

Fern, my late ex fil was renowned for saying 'I think you'll find...' so much so that it featured heavily at his funeral. He was a lecherous, old bugger but okay.

My ex mil is vile mainly - bitter, unpleasant to those who do most for her. She doesn't have dementia or anything, she's been like this for as long as I've known her (25 years). Dd rarely bothers visiting her now because she's sick of her either bitching about everyone (except the other 'golden' grandchildren) or being nasty to her.

21 years ago, on announcing I was pregnant with twins, she declared that I'd never cope and I'd be a dreadful mother. Then she started trying to rehome my two cats. About half way through the pregnancy I was already way too big for maternity clothes (and too short for them anyway) so I lived in leggings and tunics. She loved pointing out how awful I looked and saying I was too fat for leggings (possibly true but didn't need saying). She is a great one for the immortal words 'I'm only being honest'. Hmm

Kettricken · 29/04/2015 16:39

My FIL turned up on my doorstep earlier today looking for a shoe that MIL lost yesterday when they were here. They come every Tuesday while I'm at work to cook DH his dinner, see DS and they'll help at the allotment too. MIL had gardening shoes to wear at the allotment but when they got home later she realised she'd lost one. My FIL wanted to borrow the allotment key to see if it was there or if it had fallen out of her bag on the road. He didn't find it.

They are always doing this, I get a phone call on a Wednesday asking if I have seen a cardigan, keys, glasses etc. and then they find it 5 mins later in their house or car. I'm seriously starting to worry about them.

Madamecastafiore · 29/04/2015 16:48

MIL is lovely and made our wedding cake. It was exactly what I asked for but with the wedding topper from her wedding perched on top!! A porcelain cherub holding a big gold ring!! Confused

FIL is more tricky, doesn't agree with make up, nail polish or tattoos on women and thinks I'm crazy as have issues with meds. He leaves stuff all over my house when they stay and has baulked at me refusing to use his mug and plate from breakfast for mine as not to dirty another!!

ApplesTheHare · 29/04/2015 16:49

MIL gave me a dog shit shovel for Christmas.

For once I was speechless! Shock

ollieplimsoles · 29/04/2015 16:53

This thread is seriously just getting better, I wonder where the OP has gone! :D

Madamecastafiore That was amazing work by your MIL, making the cake with that little addition that you couldn't really object too since she made the lovely cake, I love it!

Apples I have been rendered speechless by your post Grin

browneyed13372 · 29/04/2015 17:05

My in laws are mad. Fil has nothing to do with us, other than the odd £50 given at Christmas. This makes up for him not being around!

Step fil told me on my wedding day I looked Ill and awful. He knew I'd lost our baby the week before and had been in hospital having to have a Erpc.

Bil threatened to kill dh and burn our house down! He has issues

Mil, where do I start. I stole her baby boy, wasn't good enough for him or her. Idolises my stepdaughter, ignored my DS. Would always buy gifts for sd and when asked by dh why she ignores ds, she informed us he had no personality so hard to buy for! Spent 10 mins playing with my friends son before I told her that wasn't her grandson! Apparently they all look the same. When dd was born had no interest and then kicked off she wasn't invited to her christening. Dd was 8 weeks old and mil had never met her, despite living 10 mins away. So I didn't feel it was appropriate for her to be there. Her response, my children weren't my dh anyway. Forgot DS 2nd birthday, didn't turn up to his first birthday as had more important things to do. My 2 are 5 and 3 now. Dd has never met her and DS was 12 months old the last time he saw her. Better off without her, but of course it's all my fault!

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