...to ask for your funny in law stories to make me feel better?

[Oobis]

Hi, I'm new to using this, so I apologise if this topic has been done to death! My FIL is a nightmare. There isn't space on here to go into detail, but I was hoping for some comical stories to make me feel better about my narcissistic, arrogant, misogynistic nitwit.

Well, when DS was a baby DH and I went to stay with PILs. We went upstairs for an afternoon nap which became amorous...and we think the baby monitor was on!

We've never asked, they've never said.

how/why do these inlaws become so mental?

My MIL is generally lovely but I was a bit stuck for what to say when she presented me with a gift for new born DD3 which turned out to be 8 baby gros for aged 24-36 months . They are enormous and still in the wardrobe too big and she turns 3 next week!

I once told step fil to "go fuck yourself" after he basically ruined a big party I threw for DH. That makes me sound like I live in Jeremy Kyle land but we laugh about it now as mil is very naice and basically didn't miss a beat, just changed the subject and offered round the sherry. Luckily I got away with losing it as everyone, MIL included, agreed he was being a complete bellend.

Is anyone's husbands or partners totally useless when it comes to ILs behaving badly?

Ex-h was useless despite the fact that he'd had plenty of difficulty with her when younger. Instead he just turned off. As indeed his father had. But then he was her pfb and regardless of how bloody difficult he was (how surprising that he'd inherited this tendency!) he could do no wrong. So he tended to reciprocate so far as his mother was concerned. He simply diverted any attempt to discuss his mother's more unhelpful interventions with a criticism of my own mother. Who, in fairness, never, ever, interfered!

He cannot read people's reactions, which is a major part of the problem. When I was engaged and pregnant, he spent a whole night telling my DH that he should never have got married, having children ruined his life and DH ought not do it. Whilst I was sitting next to him. I decided if I went for the cold hard stare each time he said something awful, he would notice and stop. Conclusion was that I was in a mood...(he does this with DH also - he will poke and poke and poke and poke and when he finally gets a reaction, wonders what was wrong with DH and concludes he must be tired).
I don't want to say too much as I don't want to be outed.

Olliplimsoles - he was once musing a delivery driver, a female who looked extremely young. He said "it makes you want to dress her up as a brownie and do things to her". When challenged, he conceded "maybe a guide then".

DH is great about it. He thinks it as funny as I do. If she oversteps the mark he tells her.

I can't talk though because my mum has been totally shit to us since we got married, DH did not know how to deal with that at all bless him so I did.

God only knows why they get so mental. I think some just never let go of their 'babies' and try to continue to treat us like children and push their gospel opinions on us!

My MIL is a bit of a nut job, mostly down to a need to be accommodated over everything, and weird food issues.
When I was engaged to now DH, MIL introduced me to her friends as "my son's friend" (clearly she didn't think we'd last).
She ordered ginger chicken one time from the Chinese, then when it arrived proceeded to pick out every single piece of ginger as "it's too gingery". Then kicked off when I offered her tea biscuits instead of ginger biscuits as I should know how much she loves ginger.
She usually has half a slice of toast with a cooked breakfast, foisting the other half onto whoever's plate is nearest, so one time I only toasted her half a slice. She had to go one step further, and said "I don't think I could manage that much, how about a quarter slice?" Then had 4 slices of bread and marmalade ten minutes later.
She always orders salad, then picks out all the cucumber and onion and puts it on someone else's plate without asking. She will never ask for the salad to not include cucumber or onion.
She talks with food in her mouth, to the extent that I've seen her put a forkful in before replying to a comment.
She cannot eat anything remotely spicy, hard, or much carbs (because she has gingivitis). She still orders these things, then cherry picks the bits she wants from her plate.
It is always too hot or too cold for her, whatever the time of year, she says she doesn't want to complain, but sits around with a pained expression waiting for someone to ask her what's up.
Ooh, that was cathartic!

My MIL never bothered with us when we had a baby,she wasn't really interested.
But she is very religious and any time we saw her she would ask about the christening...not the baby just the christening.She said she had had a word with her vicar and we had to get intouch with him soon.

So I go intouch with the vicar from our local church (not hers) and we had our baby christened.

Next time she was having a go...get that baby christened,he should be done by now etc etc... I had great pleasure in telling her it was all over and done with (the baby was only 8 months)

oobis He sounds a bit like my dad, he pushes and pushes and when someone finally reacts they are the ones with the problem. My dad is also inappropriate in regards to comments about women!

Summerisle1 Oh dear thats sounds like a right situation, must have driven you mad..My DH is the PFB too, but his dad has tried to keep his mother's controlling ways in check for years, and my DH knows its not normal from looking at his friend's upbringings. Its lead him to resent his mother a little to be honest. But it does help me when she starts!

I wish I knew what makes some of them just go crazy...usually weddings and babies, I too think its because they have to let go to a degree, and some people find that hard to do. My mil lived for her boys and nothing else, she has trouble letting go of the past too

My (ex) MIL turned up at BIL's wedding (so mother of the groom) in a dress same color/style as the bridesmaid.
She got the rage at our wedding because I hadn't organised for her to see me arrive (wtf?).
She came to my house and screeched at me for driving away my husband with my poor housekeeping. Her examples? I hadn't ironed ALL week (dd2 was 4 days old).
Oh I miss her

thats reminds me that my MIL also bought a cream lace dress to wear to our wedding knowing full well that my dress was cream lace.

When my hubby told her she is daft and can't wear it because the bride will be wearing something like that, she went mental for weeks and every time she saw me tired to guilt me into letting her wear it because 'she couldnt find anything else'

what did she end up wearing?...black lace O_o

She wrote to my dad and said 'Dear RaptorDad, you're a wanker'

crying

In the very early days, when I was about 17 or 18, we were all (me, DH - then boyfriend - and his very naice parents) sitting watching Coronation Street together, when MiL turned to me and said 'I don't like that Des Barnes, do you? He's a wanker isn't he? Anyway, what is a wanker?'

I wanted to die on the spot.

Similarly a couple of years later I bought DH a French Connection (FCUK) bag and she told me she liked 'those Fuck bags.'

Oddly, when DH wore a Dead Kennedys badge with 'Too Drunk To Fuck' on it, she thought it said 'To Derek, A Pig.'

My DH and his b are both in their 40's - Darling Boy, Popsy Bunny and Little Lambkins are all terms of endearment she still uses.

Kicking up a massive stink over me wanting to name my dd after my (dead) mother because the name was Irish and in her view, unpronounceable.

When dd was a baby, the first night she ever slept through was when we were staying at mil's. MIL shook me awake at 4 am to tell me that she was worried dd hadn't woken and that I should wake dd up and feed her.

Laughing fondly every time my dc do something cheeky/naughty and shooting me daggers for telling them off.

crapfatbanana

Oh my god you win.

My MIL refused to speak to me on our wedding day because, and i quote, 'stealing her little boy away from her' DH was 35 at the time and hadn't lived at home since he was 18... Oh and he is the second eldest of 5... He has two younger brothers

She also bought DD a huge Easter egg this year, when i said that id have to eat it for her she said 'dont be ridiculous, she's 3 months old, she can have it'

To Derek, A pig

That's unaccountably very very funny. I've got the giggles.

Both my pil have passed but I'm stuck with a mad-hatter bil instead...things he's done;

Turned up to stay at ours the night before my dd was due-then proceeded to drone on at me whilst I was in the first stages of labour about his sham of a relationship with his dp-apparently dp was too jealous and controlling etc....all the while texting said dp to telling him he was out at a club, had met a guy yadda, yadda....

Stomped out of the house and then complained to do that I 'had made him feel awful by my shocking behaviour which completely undermined him and made him feel like he shouldn't go near my dc'..my crime? I stood up to comfort dc who was crying and reaching for me from his arms-apparently I shouldn't do that.

Any decision dp and I used to make together either about the children or about the home/our own lives he used to try and talk dp out of as apparently it was obvious I was manipulating dp into what I wanted.

Told me I was a money grabbing bitch - because his db (my partner) wouldn't get a bank loan for just short of £20k to give to him to get his sorry arse out of the debt he had gotten himself into. Also told me I was a lazy cow, who needed to get off her arse and stop pretending to be ill to make my dp do everything....brought on because I ended up with a long term pelvis problem after dd2 was born which rendered me on crutches and unable to walk far-obviously it was completely made up

Told me he 'didn't want all these arguments' and had hoped I 'would be like the sister he'd never had' when I finally (after 4.5years) was able to pull him up about his passive aggressive, manipulative bullying towards me that Had involved him repeatedly undermining me to both dp and our dc.....he didn't actually know what to say when I replied 'and you thought bullying me and slagging me off behind my back was the way to do that did you?'

My former MIL did serve one very useful purpose though. She was the best possible instruction manual on "How NOT to be a MIL". I now have two lovely ddil and I hope I don't try their patience!!!

When my FIL is describing a woman he has met, he will often, make the appreciative universal gesture of cupping heavy breasts.

"Marjorie is a lovely woman" tender cupping motion"

He is totally unaware of what he is doing. If we pointed it out to him, he would be extremely upset.

Summerisle1 Same here! I will constantly remind myself of how testing it was for me and try to be a picture of a MIL! :D

Oh my, where to begin .... ?

SIL who told me "you might be his fiance but I'm his sister, one word from me and he'll drop you". She must still be trying to guess what that word is because I'm still here :)

MIL who, in the run up to our wedding, asked if FILs partner would be attending (they're seperated) and would she be sitting with the family? Yes and yes were the answers, she expected her new DP to be invited and to sit with her so the same was applied to FIL. She went mad, said she wasn't going, then went in the kitchen to throw plates at the wall.

Two days before the wedding she announced she was going to use it as an opportunity it to say her piece.

At the wedding she went table to table telling everyone how much of a bitch I am, that the marriage wouldn't last, and that she'd be the one left to pick up the pieces. She also went on and on and on that the tables for the food had been put in the wrong place and that my parents paying for the food was further evidence of how spoiled I was. Eventually my DM offered to take her out into the car park to "discuss" it :o

When SIL got pregnant a few months after I had a miscarriage she sent me texts saying that no one knew how to tell me and that I must promise not to "go mental" (I honestly wasn't bothered). Every time we saw them they went on about scans and appointments and how it would be wonderful to finally have a baby in the family. At Christmas she was going on about SILS pregnancy and asked me "wouldn't yours have been due around now?". Unknown to her, I was pregnant again and when we did tell her she said that she "knew" I'd get pregnant to steal the attention off SIL.

It got even worse once I had the baby but I need to leave for school pick up soon and, really, I could fill an entire thread!

Marjorie is a lovely woman

I laughed out loud at that. I could just imagine my late FIL doing that.

I have a poisonous nasty horrible MIL who has told her son she wants nothing to do with him because of how i treated her and when he told her that he cant dtand her due to her own actions, i made him say that!