Babynamechange update

[Babynamechange]

Just posting here again for traffic as have had so much support before. Long back story, but abusive ex decided to stop turning up for contact after SS decided they didn't have enough evidence of abuse to stop it and had restarted it...great..and a peaceful 2 months ensued

But..
SS have just been in contact and he's now decided that he thinks he wants to start contact with DS again? Not 100% but SS have to support even though, reading between the lines, they think that he is completely incapable of putting DS needs first. It seems all that he's interested in is seeing me punished.. They are going to speak to him again to see if he's going to turn up this week or not...

Any advice?

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

Where is the other place?

Fairy I've pm'd you x

How's it going baby? Have you sent off that fanrastic letter to the relevant people's. How are you feelingx

Definitely agree with aeroflotgirl! Everything in writing and copy into everyone involved. They'll all start getting twitchy if they think something bad might happen. Then watch the back peddling begin! All the time you're toeing the line they can ignore the crappy job they've done.
Their job is to safeguard your son and they are failing him. I'll find some cases for you to reference if you like.
You absolutely need to emphasise that the social workers are intimidated by him and that this affects their interaction with him. They also have no consideration for how this feels for the child WHICH IS THEIR JOB!!!!!!
It needs to go up a line manager or two. They won't all be scared of him. Believe me there's nothing like the mention of a serious case reviewers clear the minds of professionals. It's time to get tough with them baby.

I found this on a social work site!

Child protection workers can sometimes become subject to hostage theory, according to Professor Chris Goddard, director of Child Abuse Prevention Research Australia at Monash University, Melbourne. His research with Dr Janet Stanley drew a comparison with Stockholm Syndrome in which a parent acts as the terrorist and the social worker adopts defences for self-preservation such as denying the threat or identifying with the aggressor.

Both found that this often resulted in less protection for the child.

That is extremely interesting merry, it certainly seems about them self preservating and trying to pacify the aggressor (ex), which means also they are failing to do their job properly, which is protect the child.

Student SW here. Am frankly appalled, but training in another country so not sure of the legal ins and outs and so can't advise. Just wanted to voice my support for you. And there is some great advice on this thread.

I was reading a serious case review today (Family Q, Isle of Wight). Although there are differences in the cases, the findings of the SCR were consistent with what you have found with your dealings with SS. Point 5.9 says
aggressive men who are manipulative, argumentative, serial complainers etc do have the capacity to undermine professional assessment, decision making and action. In many walks of life, similar men get away with things that seem in hindsight inexplicable. One senior social worker speaking to the Review said, He creates a lot of self-doubt, so staff feel they are incompetent.

Section 5.16 summarises the learning points and states that Fathers with such personalities as this one, can have a debilitating impact on case management
And:
Those providing management and supervision, especially in CSC which runs the multiagency meeting, must be aware of the potential of aggressive fathers to undermine confidence and objective decision making

I just thought that might be helpful as quoting SCRs can just refresh the professionals mindsets a little!

Family Q

MerryKat thank you, it seems to have been cited in a couple of case studies I've read, but Ive never seen it as an actual syndrome like that. Thanks for finding it, I shall keep that in my back pocket. Redexpat thank you and dramaandmoredrama sorry you're going through something similar :(

Fairy thank you so much for that link. This is all so helpful especially as it means I can almost pinpoint what I think they're dealing with in such an objective way.
I seriously can't thank you all enough for the help and support I'm getting xx

If there is anything that we can do to get you heard lets do it!! Fingers crossed you start to get some more helpful responses from children's services.

That is what I suspected MarryKat and Fairy13.

*Merry

How are things?

Sorry just seen this

Maths, yes that's exactly what he's like.

I often wondered why, (even though I know I felt intimidated, self doubting etc around him), that he would have that effect on professionals who aren't personally involved....but of course it's the same response :(. The result is you have this seemingly outrageous behaviour that everyone either makes excuses for ignores.

Fairy I've heard nothing back although I'm taking no news as good news in that he's behaving so unreasonably that they can't see any point in telling me? x

Hope all is well baby.

Thinking of you both x