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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset a woman called my child dirty

246 replies

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:35

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 08:31

It was rude of the woman, as she did not know that your dd could have a medical condition or SN, but your dd heard it, which in a way was good, as it really isen't the done thing to let your child drop their pants and wee anywhere on a regular basis, which is happening here. You should carry spare clothes, if you cannot get toilet in time, then change her. In your situation, I would have made your dd go to the country park toilet before walking in the park, and as we left, and before we leave home, so she gets into a good routine.

GoblinLittleOwl · 27/04/2015 08:38

Q809: Is it an offence to urinate in a public place?
Yes, it is an offence to urinate in a public place. This is normally in breach of a local byelaw.

morage · 27/04/2015 08:43

People disagree if 5 is too old to wee in public. But even if you do have continence issues, there has to be an age when a child becomes too old to wee in public.
I am disabled and have continence problems. Unfortunately as well as wear pads, I have to take spare clothes out with me on a day out in case I wee myself. There has to be a cut off point even with disability, even if we disagree where that cut off point is.

paxtecum · 27/04/2015 09:35

So how do some of you manage if you go walking for a day and there are no toilets?
I do remember being amazed by someone saying they had never do a wee anywhere other that a toilet.

The local Brownies spend the summer term hiking locally. They all need to be able to squat and wee without wetting their knickers.
They were told to practice it. It is indeed a life skill.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/04/2015 09:37

I life skill yes. to be used when necessary.

aged five and toilets In sight it really shouldn't be necessary.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/04/2015 09:39

And certainly not a skill to be used be case you can't be arsed to make a short walk to the loos

maroonedwithfour · 27/04/2015 09:43

Silly moo... When dd3 was 5 and under she did emergency wees all the time. What would be dirty is ket a child piss themselves.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 09:44

Exactly, to be used when necessary, not if there are toilets near.

Artandco · 27/04/2015 09:47

This is a different world, surely you have all needed to wee at some point even in adulthood when no toilets available? Woods/ natural parks/ forests/ fields/ moors/ beaches all rarely have toilets plonked there unless it's a tourist attraction.

Dh and DS both peed in the new forest last weekend . It's wee. It will go into the earth like any other animal wee and if in the uk it will probably rain 5 mins later.

maroonedwithfour · 27/04/2015 09:49

I don't get how its ok for dogs but not small dcs?

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 09:53

Artandco there were toilets near, and this is quite a habit for op dd, not just a rare thing out in the woods or fields. I did let dd when she was 4/5 wee in bushes in parks or in the woods where there were absolutely no toilets near, then she started liking weeing in bushes and would try and drop her pants if we were out, I quickly curbed that habit, it is really not acceptable. Even now dd is 8, if it were an emergency and we were nowhere near toilets then I would.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 09:54

Its not that it's only wee, that's fine and I totally agree, its a habit for op dd. It sounds like she does this quite a lot.

paxtecum · 27/04/2015 09:54

I was also amazed that some parents throw away shoes after a child has filled them with wee.

BaronVonShush · 27/04/2015 09:57

DD when she just turned 5 would go from zero to desperate in a very short space of time. She was still coming home from school with damp knickers. So, we would let her wee beside the car.

But now she is nearly 6 we encourage her to hold on and I would take her back to the toilet. DH would still let her wee by the car. I don't think it is dirty as such and I think the woman should have kept her opinions to herself. She may get caught out by her own child yet.

And, I would rather the child pees next to the car than having the indignity of wetting themselves.

WelcomeToMNMadness · 27/04/2015 10:01

Artandco there were toilets nearby. The OP has said that.

FWIW I think YABU. I'd have told my DC no with a similar explanation. I do it with a lot of things, for e.g. just because they're allowed to jump on the sofa doesn't mean you can. My child, my rules - your child, your rules.

  1. The woman didn't call your DD dirty she said she was being dirty, which imo is accurate. 2. There was a toilet nearby. 3. At five a child of standard health and ability should be able to hold on until they get to a nearby toilet. It's important to encourage and teach them that.

marooned when you can show me a dog which can lock a toilet door, lift the lid, pee and then pull the chain you'll be making sense.

SoupDragon · 27/04/2015 10:04

So how do some of you manage if you go walking for a day and there are no toilets?

How is that relevant when there were toilets in the OPs scenario?

There is a huge difference between "walking for a day" and "in a car park when there were nearby toilets"

TiggieBoo · 27/04/2015 10:06

I don't get how its ok for dogs but not small dcs?

Neither did DS when he was about 4. I explained to him that dogs wee outside and people wee in the toilet. That's how society works. If it's OK for dogs, should it also be OK for adults?

SoupDragon · 27/04/2015 10:07

I don't get how its ok for dogs but not small DCs

By that reasoning, you must think it is OK for adults to urinate wherever they like. Or poo, provided you pick it up.

Artandco · 27/04/2015 10:10

Op did its a car park that's half field on the edge of a park. Hardly a closed in concrete space.

If I had already walked 10 mins past the toilet and strapped other smaller children in car, then yes I would still let ds at 5 wee on grass next to car as it would take ages to get everyone else back out of car, persuade tired smaller ones to walk back when they insist they don't actually want to go. 20 mins later ds would have peed himself. By the time we walked back to car, strapped everyone back in, the next child would want to go. And repeat

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/04/2015 10:16

Surely as a parent though you don't just walk past toilets. of you have been out long enough that your kids are too tired to walk back then you'd have thought to pop in on the way past in the first place.

doesn't everyone make their kids go before they strap them into the car at the house end of the journey?

Artandco · 27/04/2015 10:36

Well yes but if they insist they can't go, you can't actually force them to go at that point

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 10:44

Not Artandco you can't force them, but you can get them into good habits, op taking dd to the toilet in the country park before they walk, then afterwards. And to remind dd that she really needs to do her wees in the toilet and not outside.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/04/2015 10:50

One would argue if they are close to wetting themselves literally minutes later then they are perfectly able to go when it was suggested to them. what you have then is a discipline and habit issue it's up to parents to deal with. not a need.

medical issues aside.

Artandco · 27/04/2015 10:54

Giles - what about if they did use the toilet, but now 10 mins later need to go again?

Lweji · 27/04/2015 10:56

That is clearly not the case with OP's DD, so not relevant.