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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset a woman called my child dirty

246 replies

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:35

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 20:39

It wasn't an odd spot. The 'car park' is a field. She went in between 2 cars, so yes she was visible to anyone walking directly past but otherwise not. So no one would have been getting wee on their shoes. And it wasn't me who mentioned dogs but there were loads of them.

OP posts:
Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 26/04/2015 20:40

Ynbu. With kids as we all know there are times when....., if they've got to go they've got to go. Also how does mrs pass a comment know your dd does not have s medical condition where she can't always make it to the toilet.
People never do cease to amaze. I wouldn't dream of opening my mouth.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 26/04/2015 20:42

Right, so notreally in ful vew of anone. Quite discree ally.
Ffs some ppl need to mind their own business.
Interstingly when its a serious matter such as a child being hurt, this seems to be the perfect time for some ppl to mind their own business and ignore a real problem. A wee in a field? Outrage.

skittycat · 26/04/2015 20:45

YABU. The woman is entitled to her own opinion and I happen to agree - it is dirty and you've said yourself the toilets weren't that far away.

Cherrychocolate · 26/04/2015 20:45

YANBU to let your dd wee in public as an absolute emergency, like if there are no toilets for miles. YABVU if you just couldn't be bothered to walk to the loo.

It seems from your last comment that this is a thing you let your dd do regularly. At five years old she needs to learn not to leave it until the last minute to go to the toilet IMO. You are not doing her any favours.

DixieNormas · 26/04/2015 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idliketoteachtheworldtosing · 26/04/2015 20:52

I wouldn't give it a second thought, that woman was wrong to say that in ear shot of your child but some people are just like that, you did nothing wrong.

mewkins · 26/04/2015 20:55

We had a lot of camping holidays as a child. There were no loos and therefore hedgerows were our friend. Also as a runner I have witnessed whole running clubs go for wees while out running in the woods. There is more wee out there than you think, people!

Dd is 4 and we often go to a park where there are no public loos so finds a very out of the way edge to go behind (nowhere near the play area). Surely, human wee is no worse than animal wee which is everywhere??

thornrose · 26/04/2015 21:02

Oh dear, at 5 o'clock I suggested that the comments this thread would attract would be worse than the original unpleasant passer by. I was right!

emotionsecho · 26/04/2015 21:14

OP, I'm not sure why you are fixated on the women commenting meaning your child or her bottom were dirty, she was commenting on the act not the person doing the act.

The woman commenting clearly finds urinating in a public car park when toilets are available nearby dirty, you and several other posters do not. That's all there is to it really.

You say your dd went between two cars so the people parked next to you could well have stepped in the wee before getting into their car? Maybe that's why people find it dirty?

PurpleSwift · 26/04/2015 21:19

From your last post OP it appears this isn't exactly a one off so maybe you need to look at other options for your daughter.

Lweji · 26/04/2015 21:25

It was a field - no one would have 'stepped in it'.

She went in between 2 cars

So, actually, the people from the other car could have come up to a puddle of wee as they got in the car?

Did your DD wee by the driver's door on your car?

Lweji · 26/04/2015 21:27

And, yes, it looks like it's a habit, where the LO tells she needs to go last minute and the parent allows her to just go wherever they are.
At some point you will have to give her an incentive to tell you a bit earlier, don't you think? For example, by actually taking her to toilets, even if she has to hold it a bit longer or, yes, go wet.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2015 21:41

I have just read your subsequent posts, she does this often. You need to nip this in the bud, this is not a one off emergency but a habit, which I don't agree with. You take her to the toilet before you go, make her sit there for a bit. In this situation you should have taken her to the toilets as they were near. If she wet herself, she will begin to realise that this is the consequence of not going before. I woukd carry spares with me for her to change into if she does have an accident.

QuintShhhhhh · 26/04/2015 22:20

Normally, she goes over grids, she just tells me very 'last minute' she needs to go.

Blimey - so maybe your dd actually needed to hear other peoples reactions to her habit! You should have nipped this in the bud long ago.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2015 22:34

This should have been dealt with during toilet training, unless she has a medical condition.

MrsKoala · 26/04/2015 22:40

Wow are children really toilet trained so young? My ds1 is 2.8 and no where near being able to go on the toilet (he does have suspected sn tho, but I'm not sure if it affects this). I can imagine him only being ready in a year or so, and then probably have to do lots of 'emergency' wees till he's 5.

I was trained at 18mo apparently, but I thought that was just abnormally early.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/04/2015 22:49

mrsk unless SN or medical issues, children toilet train anywhere between 18 months to 3 years. Yes there will be emergencies, but you have to take them to tge toilet before you go out, do toilet stops, so they get into a good habit. This seems like a habit for op, rather than a one off emergency.

Permanentlyexhausted · 26/04/2015 22:53

I agree with those who have said you need to nip this in the bud now. How is she going to manage when other people are looking after her? What about school trips or other activities she might do without you there? It's not always possible to get to a toilet within a couple of minutes and other adults are not going to be able to allow her squat in a car park.

revealall · 26/04/2015 23:04

I wouldn't have batted an eyelid but then I have a dog that wees whenever an wherever it wants.

It's kid wee. Their bladders are tiny. And it rains a lot here. I only object to alcoholic men and women having an impromptu slash if I'm honest.

Litter on the other hand...

slippermaiden · 26/04/2015 23:12

So would some of you not have a tinkle in the countryside sometimes? I do if we are out in a walk, it's not dirty, just a bit of wee!

TheIronGnome · 26/04/2015 23:12

I wouldn't have said anything, so I don't agree with that. But I agree that a 5 year old weeing in a car park when there are toilets nearby is quite dirty and nasty.

It's no wonder she can't hold it that long if you let her go immediately when she says she needs to- she doesn't need to hold it! Start making her go to an actual toilet and you may find she learns pretty quickly to be able to.

At 5 she really is too old for this, no other adult would let her.

ElizabethHoover · 26/04/2015 23:16

Wtf is a potette

QuintShhhhhh · 26/04/2015 23:18

It is a "posh" folding potty frame with disposable plastic bags to hold the childs deposits.

senrensareta · 26/04/2015 23:20

I think she was rude to say something but I do agree with those who say 5 is too old for this, particularly in view of the "normally she goes over grids" comment. She should have learned good habits by now, I am shocked that you think it is ok that she hasn't

I also have to agree about NotAllTravellers horrible comment referring to the woman as an old bat. Firstly she is unlikely to be old as she had a small child with her and secondly age is not an insult. You should be ashamed of your casual ageism NotAll, totally against MN guidelines