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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset a woman called my child dirty

246 replies

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:35

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

OP posts:
EastMidsMummy · 26/04/2015 23:34

She's five years old? It's fine.Absolutely fine.

saoirse31 · 26/04/2015 23:51

Only issue with op is that u said there was queues for toilets. So were they close enough that you could see them? in that situation I'd have taken her to toilets.

TowerRavenSeven · 27/04/2015 00:09

I'm going to answer the op's AIBU. No Yanbu for thinking what she said was horrible. I think it was particularly horrible since your dd heard it. There was no need for her to say it so loudly that your poor dad had to hear it, if she felt she must say it she could have said it in hushed tones so you and your dd couldn't hear.

TowerRavenSeven · 27/04/2015 00:10

*daughter obviously!

GraceGrape · 27/04/2015 00:26

I'm astounded by some of the comments on here. Since when was a 5 year old weeing on the grass "dirty", "rude" and "unacceptable"? 5 years old is still very little, and well within the realm of having accidents, especially when distracted on a day out. I let my own 5 year old DD do this recently in a grassy car park at a tourist attraction where the toilets were a good ten minutes walk away. A bit of pee from a 5 year old on a patch of grass really isn't going to hurt anyone.

GraceGrape · 27/04/2015 00:32

This thread has reminded me of my last holiday in France. Any posters that were offended by the 5 year old's wee, please never visit a French roadside picnic area. You will truly be horrified at what you find....

yolofish · 27/04/2015 00:40

shit, I'm 54 and I positively enjoy an outdoors wee from time to time!!! seriously OP dont worry about your DD - when you gotta go you gotta go, far better she is not stressing about wetting herself (had a looooong time getting to this point with my oldest)

MidniteScribbler · 27/04/2015 00:41

Let's be honest OP, you're just too lazy to try and get your child to a toilet if she does this all the time. You need to make some effort.

yolofish · 27/04/2015 00:45

oh bugger! just realised I am actually only 53, birthday soon.

BlackeyedSusan · 27/04/2015 00:54

you need a potty in the car. weeing out of the way in an emergency is different to weeing where people walk and see.

either a child is capable of holding on and going back to the loos or you make alternative provision that does not involve weeing in the car park.

ReginaBlitz · 27/04/2015 01:02

It is dirty though? A 5 year old can wait until you find somewhere suitable be it the loo or behind a tree ffs.You couldn't be arsed to walk back? Shameful

yolofish · 27/04/2015 01:22

It's not dirty, it's just a wee, the child was semi-hidden, there was grass on the ground. Seriously, how long does it take for a wee to dry up?

Italiangreyhound · 27/04/2015 01:36

It is not dirty and you are not being unreasonable but I would forget it, she has her opinion.

LilQueenie · 27/04/2015 01:37

fgs didnt we all go behind a tree or bush when we needed to as kids. Most men still asppear to do that too. be fair if you cant do it over a drain then bury it under the dirt but do use a toilet when you can.

HearTheThunderRoar · 27/04/2015 02:18

YABU. Op if this is a regular habit, you need to be doing something to prevent it from happening regularly. Also why should the owners of the car your DD wee'd next too have to walk in your DD's piss? Thats a bit gross.

I also think a 5yo should be able to hang on 10mins or so for the loo, she's not a newly toilet trained toddler. DD only had to wee outside twice, once at Melbourne Zoo as I was a hopeless tourist and couldn't find the loo and the second at the bottom of a ski field car park, both times about 3.

Gileswithachainsaw · 27/04/2015 06:40

I think some pepper need to read the updates. This isn't sounding like a kid who got caught short. This is sounding like a regular occurrence.

op said she usually pees over grills so I'm assuming she means the drains on the side of the road. so basically her kid just passes on the side of the road on a regular basis.

I would consider a child who couldn't hold it to toilets that were so close the queue was visible, a child who either hasn't been properly potty trained as this is what you expect from toddlers starting out. or she has a medical. issue or behaviour issue that needs addressing.

not using facilities when they are right there is just lazy.

SevenEleven · 27/04/2015 06:48

When our reception and year 1 children go on Forrest walks the teachers let them wee against the trees if they need to! Only 5 minutes back to school but why go back when a quick wee in nature will do? They live an outside wee!

SevenEleven · 27/04/2015 06:49

Love not live

NurseRoscoe · 27/04/2015 06:53

She was unreasonable to say it where your daughter could hear, I don't agree with adults calling children names (anyone calling anyone names really!)

However she's not unreasonable to think it. I would be cross with my nearly 4 year old if he was suddenly 'desperate' when we had walked away from the toilets. Understandable if there were no toilets for miles. If it was just a case of walking back though that is what he would have to do. I hate people weeing all over the floor we aren't animals.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 07:24

Nothing wrong with an emergency outdoor wee where there are no toilets near, but if they are you have to make your dd use them.

SoldierBear · 27/04/2015 07:49

She was not wrong to say it is dirty to pee in a car park when there is a toilet nearby. Presumably she us trying to teach her child so that she isn't peeing in the street when she is 5.
If your DD really can't hold on, then maybe there is a medical issue.

CatsCantTwerk · 27/04/2015 08:03

Normally, she goes over grids, she just tells me very 'last minute' she needs to go.

Well if that is the case, YOU really need to get her out of the habit of doing that and make her wait to go to the toilet. She is not going to learn something if she is not taught it. I think it was a good thing your dd heard what the other mother said, she now knows it is not normal to just drop your pants and piss wherever you are and it is normal to wait till you get to the toilet.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 08:08

I agree cats, a rare emergency wee is one thing, thinking its ok to drop your pants and wee anywhere is not! It is something I taught dd 8 who also has ASD, when we were toilet training. Yes there were times when out in the woods she would need a wee, no toilets near, and yes I would tell her to go in a bush. If there were toilets near, I would always take her to them. By 5/6 she rarely had to have an emergency wee. We would go, before we left, if we saw a toilet on our way, use that. She is absolutely fine.

Aeroflotgirl · 27/04/2015 08:11

Op get her to the doctor and checked out so that you can rule out any medical condition she might have.

hugoagogo · 27/04/2015 08:28

Well it was a bit passive aggressive of her, but letting a five year old wee outside is dirty.

I never let either of mine do it even when they were toddlers.

If they wet themselves; I had to clean them up, so what?