To be upset a woman called my child dirty

[Shiningbaubles]

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

Well I'd tell them.next time to go properly. and stop letting them drink gallons if you can't go five mins down the road without them Needing the toilet.

honestly. I'd think. mu kids were taming the piss if they constantly did that. pardon the pun.

you expect it once in.a while but sounds like this is regular occurrence..

Artandco that is different. If out you would not let them drink loads unless its a really hot day.

Aero - my children don't actually have this issue, I'm just saying many do. It's never occurred to me to limit their drinks though just because we are out. They drink as much as they like

Surely even if a kid did have this issue you'd deal with it somehow. letting them wee there and then indefinitely isn't the answer. what happens when your somewhere you can't just drop their pants. like at the check out in sainsbury or in a restaurant with toilets on another floor.

or in a small cafe where there is only one toilet and likely having to wait in line.

(for kids without medical issues )

Artandco

many may have that problem, but the OP doesnt'.

The fact that it wasn't really an emergency and is just a bad habit she has (want to pee NOW, pee right here wherever I am) I think does make her toilet habits pretty dirty, yes. Peeing in a field I don't think is so bad. But I'm imagining a 5 year old peeing down a drain cover at the side of the road, which is what you say she normally does. That's really vile.

A lot of kids don't want to go wee when there's something more interesting to do. Hence always seeing kids doing the hoppity dance, or clutching at their groins, when they've left it way too long. My son used to do an amazing John Cleese type walk when he was busting while STILL denying that he needed a wee. Sometimes you just take them and tell them to go instead of letting them say no. It's usually pretty obvious when they need it, or when it's been a few hours since last time. In these refusal to wee when I need to situations, I do think a few wet pants is a good way to teach them that yes, when they need to go, they need to go, and if they refuse to use loos when they need to, this is what happens.

And before I am accused of being prissy about peeing, I pee all over the place when I'm out and about in the countryside, but always find somewhere private to hide first. If it's not ok for an adult to piss in the car park, I don't think it's ok for a 5 year old either, really, she isn't a baby who has no bladder control. Only a couple of months ago DP and I were both absolutely busting in the car, spotted a little country park sign, zoomed off the road, into car park, (evening so it was completely empty) and both ran off into the woods. Even though no-one was there and we were desperate we still wouldn't have just pissed in the car park.

Unless she does have an issue with bladder control generally. In which case, take her to the doctor.

Is this still rumbling along?

OP, a 5yo peeing in a car park, when there are loos within a quick walk IS dirty.

You should have walked her back to the loos.

I think YABU, OP.

The woman said your DD was "being dirty" by weeing in public, not that your DD was dirty.

You mention there were toilets nearby, why did you not use them?

You also mention that your DD "normally goes over grids", so this sounds less like an emergency and more like habit...

At 5yo, assuming no special needs/medical complications, your DD is plenty old enough to be able to hold her wee in for the short time it would take her to get to the toilet.

If you were miles away from any toilets, then fair enough; but you weren't and, TBH, it sounds like laziness on your part.

As a one off, with no toilets around - fine. With toilets nearby and this as a regular behavioural thing in a 5 year old - "Oh dear, you're busting, here just go on the ground/down a grill" it's inappropriate. It's not going to help her to learn to go when she's near a toilet "just in case" and it's not going to help her hold on just a bit longer while she heads to the toilet. She can't just pop down behind a bush in the school playground.

And while I accept that wee on the grass isn't that big a deal it's not a particularly pleasant smell. If I'd owned one of the cars she'd weed next to and stepped in soggy muddy wee grass I wouldn't have been outraged but I wouldn't have been thrilled either.

DT1 is 7. He regularly has to have an emergency wee and quite often comes home from school with damp pants. Also when distracted (reading, dvds etc) he has been known to 'let a drip slip'. I just thought he needed to learn more self control but on reading this perhaps he has a control problem.
I have often parked the car over a drain, opened both front a rear door, and let him wee into the drain. I would stand with my back to him. Probably very obvious to passers by, but discrete as no wee sploshing about and no willies on show. I have done this after school too as they don't let the kids back inside once they have been dismissed.
I don't think this is dirty. It's just unpleasant.
So further training or GP? (DT2 is like a camel and was potty trained far earlier than him with no accidents as I remember)

You made a decision for your daughter. She had also made a decision for her daughter, and then hers saw yours and wanted to do what yours was doing.

No, she wasn't being horrible. She was reacting, on the spot, to "but her mum is letting her!" from her daughter, who may be going through any kind of stage of toilet training. Probably while thinking "oh fucking 'ell, she's going to keep asking if I don't answer properly. Fuck, it's been hard enough to persuade her to wee before we leave the house as it is."

How about having a little bit of consideration for her point of view and family situation?

YANBU.

Children may be caught short. My DD has, a few times. When children have to go, they have to go. I don't think there is an issue of DD or DS having a wee in a private place in public, if it's an emergency. It's only a problem if it becomes a habit.

I think YABU. It is dirty, isn't it? That's why we build toilets in our homes rather than going to pee in the garden at home.

Her child, upon seeing yours, asked if she could pee outside. Her mother answered. It's unfortunate that they were in earshot when the child asked, admittedly.

I'm don't think there's a cut off age for an outdoor wee though. But you should have taken her somewhere more discrete. And I'd say that almost regardless of the child's age. It might have been a field but it certainly wasn't somewhere private.

I'm sorry, Shiningbaubles, but I think you need to stop letting your ds wee in car parks or over grids, and start making her go to the nearest toilets, and hang on u til she gets there - it is a skill and a habit she needs to learn, because even if some people are OK with a 5-year-old having al fresco wees, they are going to get less and less forgiving as she gets older.

Would I be a long way from the mark if I suggested that you couldn't be bothered to walk back to the nearby loos, and that's why you let her wee in the car park?

I'm sorry I think that allowing a five year old to wee in a car park is dirty. There are ususally toilets near a car park. A five year old usually has reasonable bladder control and should use a proper toilet wherever possible. A school aged child should be be able to hold their wee for five minutes to get to a toilet. A five year old is not a toddler and the warning system is usually better developed. If a toddler can get to the toilet then should can a five year old. I could understand if you were in the middle of the woods, but you should encourage a school aged children to use toilets if availabe.

Having said that, no one should go round telling a small child that they are dirty. A small child cannot help it that her mother fuckin lazy can't be arsed to take her to the toilet.

As I say, as long as it doesn't become a bad habit, i.e, child dropping pants and using the world as a urinal then it's not a problem.

Everyone gets caught short now and again. I'm sure some of you, in your adult life have had to do a wee in somewhere where you didn't want to, I know I have!

I remember when DD was caught short the first time, I had to take her for a wee behind a tree, she was about 3 at this point and she loved the idea of weeing in somewhere that wasn't a toilet, so she wanted to do it more often, so I often had to explain to her that we always wee in the toilet, but there are special times when we can't get to a toilet and only then can we wee outside.

Me too scottishmum. I remember weeing in the garden when we had been using the swimming pool because we were too wet to go inside!

Zombie thread... I think the ops probably over it now

There is a difference between a parent allowing a child to wee in a garden they own and telling them to wee in a very public place.

The thread's only 38 days old - hardly a zombie thread. Though I suspect you are right and the OP isn't coming back, Citrine.