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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset a woman called my child dirty

246 replies

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:35

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 26/04/2015 16:51

Hmm.

Fair enough if you are in the middle of nowhere (e.g a woodland walk or similar) to nip behind a tree off the path in an emergency but I don't think in public view in a car park is great.

Especially if toilets were close by.

Viviennemary · 26/04/2015 16:52

If toilets were nearby there is no excuse for this. And also a little discretion wouldn't have gone amiss. We always had to go behind a bush or wall.

Original poster
Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:53

She was next to the car and the door was open, the car park was sort of an open field

OP posts:
GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 26/04/2015 16:53

Was it an enclosed, underground parking lot? If so, it is extremely unpleasant for everyone else when pee hangs around.

She obviously shouldn't have said this around your daughter.

NannyR · 26/04/2015 16:54

I would have asked her to use the loo before getting back to the car park.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 26/04/2015 16:54

Ah. I see your answer now. A 5 year old in a field, really, who cares.

carabos · 26/04/2015 16:54

I had to do a wee behind a parked car in a car park twicerecently. Menopausal bladders are a lot like toddler bladders. It's not nice, but what can you do? I make sure I'm not visible to the general public however Wink.

PurpleSwift · 26/04/2015 16:55

If the toilets were close and your daughter is 5 with no other issues, I don't think weeing in a car park is acceptable really. She didn't call your daughter dirty though did she? Just said she was "being" dirty as she passed which you picked up on.

diddl · 26/04/2015 16:55

Depending on the car park, I might be agreeing with the woman also.

Especially if the toilets weren't that far away.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 26/04/2015 16:56

I'm unclear, was there a serious risk of peed pants or did you just not fancy the walk back?

I won't ask why she didn't go before you left because I have one of those children too.

me: do you need to go?
Dc: no
Me: are you sure?
Dc: yes
Me: we're not going to be home for an hour and this is the last loo. Are you certain you don't need a wee?
DC: I. Do. Not. Want. The. Toilet!!!!

DC: I need a wee! now!

Me: Argh!

NannyR · 26/04/2015 16:57

Also from the point of view of the child, I would respect their need for privacy at that age. I remember being absolutely mortified as a small child when my mum used to hold me over a drain to wee.

makeminea6x · 26/04/2015 16:57

People let some silly things bother them, don't they?

londonrach · 26/04/2015 16:58

How close are the toilets. Yabu re letting your dd wee if they very close.

WeAllHaveWings · 26/04/2015 17:00

5 is a bit old to be weeing in public especially when toilets aren't that far away. I wouldn't have said anything, but would have been surprised to see a child that big peeing publically, and thought it unneccessary. You should have went to nearby loos or at the very least been more discreet.

She was BU to call your child dirty when it wasn't your childs fault she was allowed to do it. The person you should be upset with is yourself.

loveandsmiles · 26/04/2015 17:00

It's a tricky one - think most people have a 'cut off' age at which this is acceptable - personally I think it's ok when they are toilet training but after that I would try to get them to a toilet. However if it was between wet pants or a quick wee behind a tree (discreetly), then the quick wee would winGrin

She was entitled to her opinion of course, but could have said it quietly.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 26/04/2015 17:01

A dog weeing is ok though? No one gets nasty about that. Blimey, one rain shower will wash away a child's wee.

thornrose · 26/04/2015 17:01

It was an unnecessary comment. If you have nothing nice to say and all that...

I suspect putting this in AIBU will get far worse comments to be honest!

BolshierAyraStark · 26/04/2015 17:05

She was a 5 year old peeing in field, silly woman needs to find bigger issues to give a fuck about really. I wouldn't give it another thought.

Gileswithachainsaw · 26/04/2015 17:07

There was no need for her to have said it. but if there were nearby toilets then the "having to walk back" excuse is a bit Hmm. She's five she has legs.

pissing in a car park is a bit disgusting no one wants to tread in it when they park their car there.

far better behind a tree or bush.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 26/04/2015 17:07

I imagine it will help your daughter to hang on next time.
I wouldn't necessarily have a problem with a child urinating in public in an emergency but I'd have thought that both your dd and tbh, any passers by would be more embarrassed than anything else.

fredfredgeorgejnr · 26/04/2015 17:07

Pissing in a natural environment, hedgerow, off the track in a wood, verge beside a road, all fine. Pissing in the middle of a car park, 'cos you're too lazy to walk a short distance back to a toilet, that's either dirty or stunningly lazy. Either go back to the toilets or go to the hedgerow, not in the place where the next car is going to park.

Either way, other people are free to have their conversation with their children in any way they want, to them it's dirty, they didn't say it to you, you just earwigged their conversation. Part of surviving in a huge population is letting people get on with their own lives.

GloGirl · 26/04/2015 17:09

Yabu. Whilst I wouldn't blink twice at uour child peeing wherever they did, really, this woman doesnt want her children 'nature wees'.

Always awkward when some kid is doing something yours are banned from and I'm guessing she just quickly pulled out her eexcuse"We don't pee outside it's dirty". I don't really think that's being too fussy/clean/PFB. You overheard what she was saying she wasn't saying it to you.

I'm guessing if she had a bit more time to prepare she would have said different but I bet she was trying to avoid saying "Because I said so!"

QuintShhhhhh · 26/04/2015 17:13

At 5 she should be able to notice she needed a wee before getting to the desperate point, and asked for the toilets as you passed them. Or, at least her mum should have had the sense to ask if she needed a wee before getting in to the car, when walking past the toilets.

That being said, a wee in the grass is not the end of the world, and the woman was rude to say anything - if anything I bet she was kicking herself that she also walked past the toilets without asking if her dd needed to go.

shewept · 26/04/2015 17:13

Yabu. Simply because she is entitled to think it.

Personally I think 5 is too old to be peeing in public, but she is your child. If you don't think that, that's fine.

The woman, possibly shouldn't have used the word dirty, but since you feel its ok for your child to pee in public, she thought it was ok to point out it was dirty, in her opinion.

sleeponeday · 26/04/2015 17:14

Big open field? She needs to get over herself, then. Your poor DD.

(Letting a kid that old pee in a normal car park, though, remains minging unless it's a dire emergency of some kind.)