Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

To be upset a woman called my child dirty

246 replies

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 16:35

Out at a country park today, dd(5) had a wee in the car park as she was busting. A woman walked past with toddler and baby and she said to her daughter who was asking for a wee 'no, you can wait, just because other children are being dirty doesn't mean you have to!'

AIBU to think this was horrible?

OP posts:

TerryTheGreenHorse · 26/04/2015 17:36

Having an emergency potty in the car is a good idea I'm going to adopt that one.

I'd have walked out of sight if the loo was too far but saying that this would bother me in the slightest. If it's on a field it will hardly make a urine lake.

goodnessgraciousgouda · 26/04/2015 17:37

In a car park is disgusting. If it was in the country side then going behind a tree or out of sight in the field is what most people would do surely.

Just in the car park itself IS dirty. People will have to park there after you and don't really want to be getting out to stand in a puddle of piss.

Branleuse · 26/04/2015 17:38

let it go in one ear and out the other. Your child needed a wee, and she was just a bit rude really. Its not like your dd was taking a dump on the footpath, its just a bit of wee. Most people arent offended by this, but some people are offended by all sorts of weird stuff. People get offended by people eating in public, and other people get offended by people putting makeup on on a train. You cant please everyone, and its not worth even trying anymore. Mumsnet has made me realise that!

Wideeyedcarrrot · 26/04/2015 17:39

Ds is 5 and I'd have made him walk back to the toilets presuming they weren't too many minutes walk away. He does have a habit even now (particularly if enjoying himself or engrossed in something) or suddenly announcing he's 'desperate.' Usually at that point I find he can still wait ten minutes or so.

He did have a wee against a tree (boy advantage) a couple of weeks ago just inside the gates to Blenheim palace. It was less than ideal but we had been in the car for two hours. He'd told me he needed the toilet about five miles before we got there and I said 'it's not far now, wait til we get there.' Then when we got there the queue of cars to get in was massive and I could see it would take another half an hour so I made the executive decision to let him wee against a tree.

So whilst I don't think it's disgusting (dogs wee everywhere?) I would have made my child go back to the toilets.

WutheringFrights · 26/04/2015 17:42

I was watching coverage of the marathon earlier and it quite clearly showed a number of male runners running out of the main running group up to a bush and having a wee (despite there being portaloos available en route). The camera very quickly changed to a different part of the race.
When you've gotta go....

HagOtheNorth · 26/04/2015 17:44

The other woman doesn't want her DD thinking that weeing in the car park is OK. So she told her that just because someone else is doing it doesn't mean that she can, because (in her mother's opinion) it's dirty.
The comment was to her child, responding to a direct question, I don't think it was horrid.
If she'd said 'OMG That's DISGUSTING' for no reason other than seeing you, then that wouyld have been unreasonable.

cashewnutty · 26/04/2015 17:47

Its just a pee in a field. It is natural not dirty.

AGirlCalledBoB · 26/04/2015 17:48

I would tell the same to my ds. I would want to discourage him thinking it's acceptable and think actually at 5 and near the toilets, there is no reasons for it. However she should have whispered it to her child instead of earshot of your DD but I can see where it coming from.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 17:48

I dunno. Something can be natural and still be dirty.

Writerwannabe83 · 26/04/2015 17:56

My niece is five and there's no way my sister would let her have a wee in public as she's well able to hold it until she gets to the toilet.

If I saw a 5 year old weeing in public then I would think it was pretty dirty too

3 years and under, fine. But a 5 year old? As a previous poster said, there has to a cut off point where public peeing is no longer acceptable

CrabbyTheCrabster · 26/04/2015 17:56

Oh well, silly old bats can have opinions. It doesn't mean they matter.

God I fucking hate this casual ageism on MN. Just because someone says something you don't agree with, they're a 'silly old bat'? Because older women are silly and ripe to dismiss?

She wasn't even an older woman, by the sounds of it, since she had a toddler and baby.

FFS.

Lweji · 26/04/2015 17:57

I really would have expected a 5 year old to be able to walk the toilets if they are close, or just off the car park, discreetly, by a tree, or somewhere where people don't normally walk on.

Do you often allow your DD to pee wherever she tells you she must go? It might be a good idea to insist that she uses toilets in good time to avoid such "emergencies".

Not that it's "dirty", but not certainly nice.

HagOtheNorth · 26/04/2015 17:58

She's 5, she's in school. Let's hope she doesn't have a quick wee in the playground.

CrabbyTheCrabster · 26/04/2015 17:58

Oh and OP YABabitU - she didn't call your DD dirty, she said to her DD that weeing in public (when there's a loo nearish by) is 'being dirty'. Sounds like she was judging the act, rather than your DD's character.

FromSeaToShining · 26/04/2015 17:59

I think the woman was rude if she intended her comment to be overheard by you and your DD. I absolutely hate it when people say things to their children that are actually intended for other people to overhear.

However, I do think that a 5-year-old is probably old enough to go to the toilet if it isn't far away. Many children of that age would be mortified to wee in public.

shewept · 26/04/2015 18:03

You do realise that she called the action dirty, not the child.

I think is actually more than a judgment on you as a parent letting her do it. Rather than the child actually being dirty.

You maybe surprised that many think 5 is too old. I am surprised you don't. I am sure she holds it other times.

MarshaBrady · 26/04/2015 18:06

Where does the old come in to it? She had dc of her own.

I think five is too old. Unless you're out in the woods and nothing nearby.

pictish · 26/04/2015 18:07

My dd took a while to master timing and bladder control. Sometimes she had to go now - she's better now at six, but yes up until recently, we found ourselves in similar compromising situations.
I would've been pissed off at someone saying that (rude) and probably would've stewed over it for a while...but I'd get over it. We have been tutted and glared at. I didn't much care. It was that or day over.

Marynary · 26/04/2015 18:08

I think it is quite dirty for a five year old to wee in a public car park especially if there are toilets nearby. Even if there were no toilets nearby I would expect them to wee out of sight of everyone e.g. behind a bush.

AmateurSeamstress · 26/04/2015 18:09

YANBU to think it was a horrible thing to let your DD overhear.

Mine is 8 and still struggles with continence. She is old enough now to be quite embarrassed when she is caught short and that woman's comments would have just humiliated her further. She can't hold on, she just can't, and sadly one of the mainstays of her treatment is drinking lots so these things happen a lot. No one wees in a car park for fun, they do it because they can't hold on and it's the least bad option they can think of at the time.

Those saying 5 is too old, what exactly should we do with children over 5 who just can't wait? Keep them indoors for life? Stick a big sign on their foreheads saying Additional Needs, Exempt from your Judginess?

Original poster

Shiningbaubles · 26/04/2015 18:10

There weren't any bushes. I guess I don't see how a 5 yos bottom is dirty?

OP posts:

AgentProvocateur · 26/04/2015 18:11

I think it's a bit grim for a five year old to pee in public too. Fair enough behind a tree of you're in the middle of a forest, but not in a car park with nearby toilets.

Topseyt · 26/04/2015 18:12

I wouldn't encourage a 5 year old to wee in public. If there are toilets nearby then I would expect them to wait a few minutes until we got there.

Surely by that age they should be aware that toileting in public is not the done thing.

Two and three year olds, fine. They often can't wait. 5 year olds are school age. Yes, there are accidents in reception class and in the infants. They should not be toileting in public though by that age IMHO. They have to learn that at some point.

Lweji · 26/04/2015 18:13

Well, the OP didn't say her DD had bladder control problems, just that she was bursting.
So, presumably they had just went past the toilets and she didn't think to say she needed a wee, nor the OP thought about asking the DD about it, as we often do when out and about.

QuintShhhhhh · 26/04/2015 18:14

I guess it is not the bottom that is dirty, but what comes out of it? Or rather piss mixed with dirt and grass.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10