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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who is unreasonable and how can I be reasonable? Dress codes

156 replies

LegalEagels · 26/04/2015 14:24

I work for an international law firm in quite a large office. I manage two interns who are both excellent at their jobs and most probably will be offered training contracts at the end of their internships.

The issue here is: Everyone wears either suits etc or what you'd imagine to be professional gear, however, one of the interns turns up to work everyday in clothes better suited to nightclubs. I personally think she looks good and can carry it off (she's not exactly wearing a red leather catsuit) but I do admit that it's not entirely appropriate or the style the rest of the office adopts. I have no issue with what she wears, tbh she does a great job and it's my goal to help her become a qualified.

One of the managers from another department approached me earlier this week to ask me to talk to her about her appearance / attire. Our office doesn't have an exact policy on dress code but what is acceptable is generally understood. I know that others have gossiped about her choice of clothes. My main manager hasn't mentioned anything to me, but having said that he's generally away from the office so perhaps hasn't noticed or too busy with other things to take notice of an interns choice of clothes.

There is a very real risk that she won't be offered a training contract as it's not just me on the panel that will interview her. And indeed if she's bringing herself this negative attention chances are it looks unlikely.

Now, would it be unreasonable to say something to her? and how without being unreasonable myself? Or should I tell that other manager to keep his beak out? Even though he will most likely be on the panel.

OP posts:
AuntyMag10 · 26/04/2015 14:27

Yanbu, you are senior to her and should have the discussion what is appropriate. I'm surprised she hasn't take a look around her to see that she does stick out with her dressing. If it's not appropriate then it needs to be addressed.

chocnomorechoc · 26/04/2015 14:29

she might not be aware that her way of dressing is not quite approbriate and you will probably do her a favour if bring it up.
I would say somethingm

tobysmum77 · 26/04/2015 14:29

Of course you must tell her ywbu not to imo.

andadietcoke · 26/04/2015 14:29

One of my friends works for a top 5 accounting firm and she had a briefing there on what was acceptable. Best = dress suit, then skirt suit, then... etc etc etc. Stuff like wearing scarves for colour too. Is there anything like that at your organisation? Or could you do an informal version with her in a mentor type capacity?

mrsfuzzy · 26/04/2015 14:31

you need to speak with her about it, after all she won't do herself any favours otherwise, especially if she wants a career at the end. may be she feels her look is o.k because no one has commented on it.

theconstantvacuumer · 26/04/2015 14:31

If you don't say anything, it sounds as if she won't get a training contract. Speak to her and give her a fair crack of the whip. I have to say, I'm very intrigued to know what she wears!

ImperialBlether · 26/04/2015 14:31

I think you would be doing her a huge favour if you did speak to her about it.

I would tell her at the end of a Friday so she can get something suitable over the weekend.

drbonnieblossman · 26/04/2015 14:32

juat say to her "listen, it's been commented to me that your work dress of late has been a little too informal - i thought I'd better mention it to you so you can sort it before someone higher up says anything."

Shente · 26/04/2015 14:34

It's a fairly standard sort of conversation to have with someone you line manage, just draw her attention to the issue, say although there may not be a written code it is a professional environment and she should dress accordingly. No drama necessary. Tell her good you think she is but that this is one area she needs to address to have a long term future with you.

tobysmum77 · 26/04/2015 14:38

I'd start the conversation with 'you've done really well as an intern, give examples yadda yadda ......... I don't know if you're considering staying here long term?' Then just go down the it's a conservative company in some ways and with some people the unwritten dress code is important, unfortunately some of these are the senior people who will be making the decisions. laugh and then give personal opinion.

MissDemelzaCarne · 26/04/2015 14:40

YABU to have not had this conversation already, if you are supposed to be her manager.

Pilgit · 26/04/2015 14:42

Say something to her. The sad fact is, is that she will be judged on her attire rathere than her ability. It is not right (and you seem to agree) but for now she has to play th e corporate game. Bill it as you want her to be judged for her work and her attire is distracting from tha t.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 14:42

I don't understand what your reasons for not talking to her about this would be?!

Belleende · 26/04/2015 14:43

I had to do this once, and I hated doing it, but did it anyways. I was a third year consultant and mentor to a new recruit who was very well put together, she had an incredible figure and was very well endowed - think Christina Hendricks. She was very good at her job. She generally wore low cut tops that showed her assets off. I had no issue with this, she looked sexy yet professional IMO, but I heard that partners and clients were not responding to what she said or how she was doing her job, but how much cleavage she had on display that day.

I didn't tell her to dress differently - not my call to make, I just had a conversation that how she was dressing was affecting how she was perceived in the office, and that this could have consequences. Being a clever girl she was not unaware, but was perhaps not fully aware of the extent to which her cleavage was a topic of conversation. She did dial it down a bit after that, but as I said she was a smart cookie and she said if she was going to be objectified, then she would be stupid not to use that to her advantage, which she did, just a bit more strategically, particularly around bonus time. I already rated her, but she went up massively in my estimation after that, and last I heard was doing fabulously well.

OrangeVase · 26/04/2015 14:44

Personally I'd say something. If she knew it might affect her future she would at least be able to make an informed decision as to whether to adapt, challenge or ignore.

Once she has gained her training contract and even later, qualified, she can think again about the issue

I know that the issue of dress divides opinion but personally I am on the side of a "uniform" for a job for many reasons.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 14:53

You must say something to her. It might be ok with you but if her chances of an internship are being jeopardised by her choice of clothes, then it's only fair to warn her of that and let her make her own choice as to whether she conforms or stands out against the unofficial dress code.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/04/2015 14:54

Sorry, training contract, not internship - she already has that. Blush

Still, talk to her. As you're managing her, it's your job to do so.

Original poster
LegalEagels · 26/04/2015 14:59

Belleende I expect the exact same thing is going on here. I suppose I wasn't quite brave enough to say it. As I said, she knows her shit, totally on the ball and very competent! She knows that panel interview is coming up soon and unfortunately most of the panel will be greying men. So perhaps she knows exactly what she's doing but of course I can't say that to her.

To those that say IABU to not say something, I was asking to know how? Tobysmum77 I think I might go down that route because then she'd know that I am on her side, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
JessieMcJessie · 26/04/2015 15:01

Is the manager from another dept senior to you? If so, you are obliged to speak to her, surely? In any event, of course you should. I am surprised you think that there may be a logical reason not to. However, personally, I would doubt how bright she really is if she hasn't picked up by herself what is and is not appropriate.

Please update and tell us how she responds.

lordsandladies · 26/04/2015 15:02

Really Bell she went up in your estimation for playing into the old boys fantasy and using her breasts to get paid more?

Original poster
LegalEagels · 26/04/2015 15:02

I know I definitely need to speak to her about it. She's doing herself a massive disservice and I'd hate to see a young ambitious woman get screwed just because she wore a dress that just about managed to cover her arse.

OP posts:
emotionsecho · 26/04/2015 15:03

If this intern is excellent at her job she should be savvy enough to notice the accepted dress code of those around her, why is she not adhering to it? Young, lack of experience in the corporate world, wanting to stand out and be noticed?

If this is likely to damage her chances of obtaining the full time role she wants then you have to talk to her.

lordsandladies · 26/04/2015 15:04

Legal in which case what a shame if she's bright. Going by looks can get you so far but she won't ever be taken seriously.

You need to give her a heads up then leave her to make her choices.

Original poster
LegalEagels · 26/04/2015 15:05

Jessie Is the manager from another dept senior to you? If so, you are obliged to speak to her, surely? In any event, of course you should. I am surprised you think that there may be a logical reason not to. However, personally, I would doubt how bright she really is if she hasn't picked up by herself what is and is not appropriate. Please update and tell us how she responds.

The other manager is the same level as me, but still has a say in training contracts. She is very bright and works incredibly efficiently. She's damn good at her job.

OP posts:
Panzee · 26/04/2015 15:06

I would perhaps offer to take her out shopping for suitable stuff, saying something like I know your interview is coming up, and would you like some help on interview dress? Then pick clothes out, this would be good when meeting clients, this is a good suit when the CEO and board are in, etc.