AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

[Lindsay81]

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

My 9 year old girl manages to use the changing rooms fine on her own- I wait in the cafe.

Why can't boys?

Btw I'm fine about boys seeing me naked, I don't care. But there are a lot of teenage girls who get uncomfortable. We're not talking one or two under 10's, but it seems no boy under 12 can be left alone.

I can't believe we just wandered into 10 year old boys being sex offenders territory.

Fun, but a well developed 9yr old in his class may feel very uncomfortable and that's a crucial point. Also, you say your 9yr old is immature. Would you still take him in at 10?11?12? Now is the time for you to be fostering his independence. 5min walk to shops alone, crossing roads alone, using a changing room alone.

But *FanFuckingTastic', what about girls who are not 'comfortable' with your son being there while they change? Do the mothers of boys on this thread not see that they are expecting their sons' comfort to trump other people's daughters' comfort?

I understand that boys mature at different rates, but yes, there does have to be a blanket cut-off age when you're dealing with the public at large.

Has anyone said 10yr old boys are sex predators? I've not seen it.

Sorry, typo. My post about independence was to FanFuckinTastic

Someone has implied that they can be...

Just to point out again the OP said in her pool the cut for boys in the women's changing room was 6. Not 10.

Where has it been implied?

And yes? Likewise, when 9yr old dd swims with DH, she gets changed by herself in the women's changing room. She would've utterly mortified to go into the men's with DH and her brothers

I do get that too, I have both, although my daughter doesn't care a bit about nakedness, to the other extreme of making other people uncomfortable. It's so difficult to decide what is best... loads of family rooms seems maybe the only real way. As I say, I fortunately no longer have to worry about it, with access to disabled changing, so it's all hypothetical these days.

As for fostering independence, I definitely do that, but in situations where he simply wouldn't cope, like changing rooms, I do prefer he's with me so that I can ensure he's okay. He'll use men's toilets if I wait right outside, thank goodness, although again disabled toilets are a life saver when necessary.

YABU for the following reasons:

1. You don't know how old the boy was.
2. You had a cubicle available if you felt uncomfortable
3. You don't strip at the beach so no need to insist on stripping at a public pool either
4. My local pool has communal changing rooms only, so you'd be stuffed if you lived near me!

My 9 year old girl manages to use the changing rooms fine on her own- I wait in the cafe.
Why can't boys?

Yes. Why?

I think part of the problem is that the mother tends to be, a lot of the time, - the main carer.

I'm sure you don't get many single dads taking their 7 years (and above) old daughters into the men's changing rooms with them.

Actually. How DO fathers manage when they take their children (of both sexes and mixed ages) swimming - and it's just them.
Do they ALL go into the mens changing rooms?

In my local pool it's under 8's. 8 years and over have to use their own gender changing area. The other day the family changing area was closed so I had to let my just turned 8 DS go in the men's changing by himself for the first time. I was a bit nervous but guess what? He was fine. And proud of himself.
YANBU. 10 year old boys should not be in the women's changing room.

CaptainHolt - Feel free to google sexual offences by 10 yo boys though, you will find plenty. I wonder why it's so acceptable to have womens spaces constantly compromised.

Why is it a compromise to let a 6 or 7 year old child change with their mother?

Why is it worse if a little boy stares than a little girl. They're both children. They are stairy, inappropriate little things.

Typos all over my last post, sorry.

Lika- under 8 they go into the men's with dad. Over 8 they go to the women's on their own.

I really don't see why boys can't do the same. But in my local gym there's definitely a perception that boys are at risk in the men's without a parent, where's girls in female changing are not.

So mothers traipse their boys, or even send boys by themselves, into the women's.

Do they ALL go into the mens changing rooms?

They do at my local leisure center.

Likalixer - I used to get changed with my dad until I was about 8 I think.

Why are we suddenly talking about 6-7 year olds when the OP is about 10 yo?

My comment on sexual offending was in response to other's hand-wringing that the mothers of girls are obsessed with casting boys into the role of 'nasty little perverts'.

I don't view all boys and men as perverts (which is why I can let my boys use the male changing room, which seems beyond some people) but it's a nonsense to suggest that the reason older boys (note - older boys, not 6 year olds ffs) are not allowed in female spaces is a gender issue, not some random nonsensical rule. It also has nothing to do with what Germans do, or people on the beach or the personal comfort of a random individual on MN.

Captain - yes the OP said she thought the boy was 10 but also said at her pool the cut off for boys was 6.This seems very young.

Sounds like you going into a cubicle would be the easiest option

No, it sounds like if, for some reason the mother feels she must bring her >6 yo boy into the womens changing room, HE should be sent into a cubicle to change even if the door has to be left unlocked and sometimes opened for his mother to supervise. Then he needs to wait there for her & siblings to finish or be sent to wait exactly outside the changing room doors.

why do mothers do this? Because if the mother must change as well, the family room can be too full of older boys (and dads) for her to feel comfortable doing so in there. I just had one boy, and if i couldnt see a way to get me any sort of semi-privacy in the family room, or if the families with boys didnt seem near done enough that we could wait, i would take him in the ladies and hustle him between shower and cubicle.

of course, I had told him from the beginning around age 4 to keep his eyes down/to the wall to give others their privacy. I said this in the ladies, i said it in the family changing. I have never, ever, in two countries and 4 cities, heard another parent teaching their children this. I find that really surprising.