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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
ConfusedInBath · 26/04/2015 13:44

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Yarp · 26/04/2015 13:45

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AgentProvocateur · 26/04/2015 13:46

Yarp, you really wouldn't let an 8 year old into the men's changing rooms? In most places, 8 is when they can go swimming unaccompanied, and most 8 year olds I know go to the pool with friends, not adults.

Yarp · 26/04/2015 13:51

Lord Agent, it is a while ago. It never arose with my oldest as he hated swimming when he was that age, and my youngest went with his friends or his big brother.So maybe not

What I object to is the OPs tone. Of course parents should stop their children staring if they can, of course they should use family rooms if they can. But many places don't have enough facilities for families.

OP has a choice to go into a cubicle but would rather get her knickers in a twist

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 13:53

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Koalafications · 26/04/2015 13:56

YANBU, OP.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 13:59

Lindsay81 you said the boy staring at you was 10. I'm not sure how you can tell for certain but I'm amazed that your pool has a rule about 6 year old boys. That's really sad.

ConnieBaby · 26/04/2015 14:00

I actually think that one of the biggest issues with this is the feelings of girls aged, maybe, 8-14.
I'm an old gimmer who doesn't really bother as long as they seem under about 12 but I know last year when dd was 8 she was mortified to see a male class mate in there with his mum. I can only imagine that would be worse now at 9 or even 10/11.

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 14:01

FFS Dr0p. The OP is perfectly reasonable to not want older male children in the adult women's changing room. Family changing rooms, they are there, that's what they're there for, use them, end of.

Consideration for other people.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 26/04/2015 14:01

I think sub 7/8 it's almost blind eyes... (always exceptions tho!) They're there but dont see.

Kids should be independent enough over this age to sort themselves out.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:02

How about you buy yourself an enormous kaftan?
Grin

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 14:05

Painted! What did I say wrong?!

Lucyccfc · 26/04/2015 14:05

I used to take my DS into the ladies changing rooms for his swimming lessons as there was only 1 small family changing room and you would have to stand in the cold and queue for it.

We used to find a quiet corner, so we didn't bother anyone and I would always remind him never to stare at anyone. He was 6 at the time.

When he was 7 there was a notice put up about those over 6 not being allowed in the women's changing room. The staff apologised to me personally about this and said that I was always very considerate and it was not aimed at me.

Not a chance was he going in the men's changing rooms on his own and due to a lack of facilities and a few prudish adults, we had to find somewhere else for his swimming lessons.

ConnieBaby · 26/04/2015 14:05

Grin or one of those pop up tents that fold to the size of a matchbox!

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:06

Lakeland probably sell them connieGrin

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 14:08

Oh my gosh sorry Dr0p, I misread - I was trying to tell off Yarp for her 'proto-pervert' comment rather than you!

likalixer · 26/04/2015 14:08

Not so much bothered about myself, what about 10-11 yo girls - they don't want boys from their class in there while they are changing, cubicles or not!

Agree, girls of that age don't want boys of that age in the changing rooms with them (even worse if they're from the same class).
It's unfair on them.

FanFuckingTastic · 26/04/2015 14:12

I wouldn't be phased by young boys in the changing room, in Germany where I grew up there was always a lot of nudity in communal changing areas and everyone just gets on with it. I've never been uncomfortable being naked around my children, so other children just seem the same to me. I felt that by being comfortable with my own naked body and others, I hopefully communicated some of that to my children too, that there is nothing to be offended by and that bodies are all different. If I were worried about children seeing me, I would use a cubicle.

I always felt that if the children were uncomfortable, perhaps that then was the time for them to be separate, when my nine year old started wanting privacy to hide his bits, I told him that he shouldn't be embarrassed by his private areas (and goodness knows how many times I'd seen it changing nappies!), but that he has every right to want privacy and I would respect that. It's mostly his sister he wants the privacy from as I still wash his hair for him, and they still both come and go when I am in the bathroom.

His sister is still likely to walk around completely nuddy at almost seven, she has no shame at all and so I have the opposite issue with her, having to try to show her that nude is fine but legs in the air rolling around nude is probably not appropriate around others.

UncleT · 26/04/2015 14:12

Not acceptable. Challenge and complain. Immediately. YANBU.

CakeUpWall · 26/04/2015 14:13

Agree with ConnieBaby wholeheartedly.

If 9/10 year old boys want to look at my very wobbly bits, that's their lookout.

But DD at that age used to refuse to get changed until all the same-age boys had left. Whilst I understood her concern, it was still v annoying to be hanging around unnecessarily on a busy school night.

CakeUpWall · 26/04/2015 14:15

Oh, and YANBU, OP. I will be interested to hear the outcome of your complaint.

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 14:18

"a few prudish adults"

I'm not a prude at all. I'm sex positive, okay with my body etc. But having male children in the changing room I would feel the need to cover up, which would annoy me, especially if the parents were breaking the rules having them in there. Children are (naturally) curious and will naturally look - but that doesn't mean the look-ee has to be okay with this.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 14:20

Painted - phew!

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 14:20

Yarp, nobody thinks boys are perverts. Stop being so ridiculous.

There has to be a cut-off age, because girls/women don't generally feel comfortable getting undressed/dressed/showering in front of boys/men they don't know. It's not exactly a revelation.

So what do you suggest that age should be?

likalixer · 26/04/2015 14:21

There should be more cubicles. At least then, the mothers who don't want their older sons to have to go off into the men's changing rooms on their own, could take them in the cubicles to get changed.
Everybody would be happy and the girls wouldn't have to suffer the embarrassment of having boys the same age as them, in the room with them.

But a lot of gyms and swimming pools only have one or two token cubicles. It seems to be all mainly open plan these days. Not such a good idea in hindsight.
So I don't see how this problem can be solved.