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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:24

It isn't always the case (obviously)
But l have found that households not containing any sons, get the weirdest notions about males.
Little males.
I think there should be a cut off,but l couldn't begin to think where you'd make it.

Crocodopolis · 26/04/2015 14:25

YANBU. Complain.

likalixer · 26/04/2015 14:27

But DD at that age used to refuse to get changed until all the same-age boys had left.

Exactly.
I'm old enough and ugly enough not to care too much who sees my bits, but that's because I'm an adult.

My daughter on the other hand, hates it if older boys are in the changing rooms at the same time she is trying to get changed.
Why should her enjoyment of swimming be compromised just because some mothers flout the rule?

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 14:28

It can't be 6/7 though can it? That's still so young!

I don't imagine older boys want to go into the changing rooms with their mums anyway and would be just as embarrassed at the thought people were looking at their bodies too.

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 14:31

I don't think it has anything to do with 'weird notions' about little males. Confused

I have five nephews, the oldest being 12. I don't think any of them are remotely perverts, but I also know that they'd probably stare at a female stranger getting changed in front of them, out of pure curiosity (nothing sexual whatsoever!) I don't see why girls who don't know them should have to deal with that in a space that's supposed to be comfortable for women.

Micah · 26/04/2015 14:33

I went into the women's change the other day and found a naked boy in the shower (door not locked, pulled it open to see if it was occupied)

He was about 10, and before you say he might have looked older, he was on his own. His mother came in after about 10 minutes.

If he's old enough to get out of swimming, get changed and in the shower by himself, he's old enough to use the men's.

However most mothers seem to think the men's is crawling with peeedo's, and prefer their boys to use the female changing, whatever age.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:35

downunder
Youd be surprised at the rubbish some mothers of just daughters believe about boys.
I've had it said to me about mine.
I completely understand the need for privacy in a changing room.
I just wish that some mothers realised that not all little boys are out to stare at them!

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 14:37

Little girls stare too. And make comments, embarrassing ones.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:38

drop
Oh l know....

UncleT · 26/04/2015 14:38

I see feminine. So what process are those feeling uncomfortable supposed to undertake in order to be satisfied which boys are interested in staring and which aren't??

Jaded2004 · 26/04/2015 14:40

If the rules state that the kids should be in the family rooms and the parents ignore I would act as normal. If the parents have a problem with their child seeing me naked they should stick to the rules. I attend and adult karate session and we all have a bit of a laugh and sometimes along adult lines, people keep bringing their kids along and one complained that a) the class was too advanced for their kid and b) that the conversation was of an adult nature. They were told in no uncertain terms that it is an adult group and they should attend the kids group or get over it. Needless to say they now don't come to the adult group.

BohemianRaptor · 26/04/2015 14:40

How on earth do any of you cope at the beach?
It's really not difficult to wrap a towel round and pull your pants on, no need for anyone to see anything.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:41

uncleT

God knows.

My opinion is based on comments l've had thrown my way.
I agree that in changing room situation it is very difficult.
I said as much.
Perhaps massive cubicles. For all?
All divided up, to fit in the whole family?

UncleT · 26/04/2015 14:43

Just enough family cubicles is fine, even if that involves a short wait on occasion. Sounds as though that's the provision, but some choose to flout it.

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:43

I also agree with raptor

Nobody gets to see my bits, unless l want them to.

I understand some people like to undress/dress in a less controlled manner though. Grin

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:45

uncleT true.
Then perhaps that needs to be made compulsory.
I don't know who would be able to enforce it though.
Aren't public swimming pools becoming rarer these days?
Funding?

UncleT · 26/04/2015 14:47

It is compulsory. They have the bloody signs up!

KoalaDownUnder · 26/04/2015 14:50

bohemian - huh?

I spend all summer on the beach, and cope just fine. But I don't actually get dressed and undressed on the sand.

Theycallmemellowjello · 26/04/2015 14:50

I'm amazed this is causing controversy! Of course yanbu op!

CaptainHolt · 26/04/2015 14:51

I am assuming that if there were family changing rooms available at that time, families would use them -they are bigger and more comfortable for more than one person

But there are family changing rooms, it says so in the OP. I might assume that people can't be arsed to wait, or have got into the habit of bringing little boys into the female change and keep doing so because habits are hard to break. It doesn't mean I'm right.

So I am assuming that a child in a changing room means no family changing room is available.

And they can't wait because....?

I am assuming that a grown wman can just take herself into a cubicle if she feels uncomfortable

But why should she have to? She's in the female changing room. Should all women use the 'poky' cubicles in the open plan change in case an older boy wonders in?

I also think that many women would not be happy about sending their son into a changing room alone, in the absence of a family changing room

It's not really their decision to make, and there isn't an absence of family changing room.

I also wonder about the distrust of little boys

The OP didn't mention distrust, she said she didn't want to be stared at by opposite gender older children. Feel free to google sexual offences by 10 yo boys though, you will find plenty. I wonder why it's so acceptable to have womens spaces constantly compromised .

FanFuckingTastic · 26/04/2015 14:52

These days things are a lot easier for me as I have a radar key and access to the disabled changing area which includes a toilet, seating and a shower, so we can do our stuff without ever needing to worry about offending/being offended by anyone. I still feel at nine my son needs to be with an adult, and as a single parent by default that becomes me.

I agree there needs to be a cut off point, but age isn't always indicative of where that point should be. My son is very immature and socially less developed than a lot of boys a similar age. He isn't comfortable alone. And if I weren't in the situation where I had a radar key, I would have to use communal showers/changing. I understand that not everyone is comfortable with nakedness like me (being bathed by strangers kind of removes any lingering shyness), but I think the age in OPs post is rather young for cut off.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 14:52

Wasn't there a story on here about a woman in a pool changing room with her toddler who went up to another adult and parted their bum cheeks ShockBlushGrinBlush

Ban them all! All children, they're disgusting and can't be trusted!

ConnieBaby · 26/04/2015 14:52

I've never changed at a beach in my life.
Kaftan thingy over swimsuit to walk back to hotel. Dry in the sun. In uk? I would never go above my knees!

Feminine · 26/04/2015 14:53

uncleT

But signs are only ever any good if people read and obey them.

I take your point anyway.

CaptainHolt · 26/04/2015 14:54

What difference does it make how people manage on the beach? It's a female changing room - not a mixed one.

I am the mother of boys btw, I do not have an inherent distrust of boys or think they are all perverts. I also don't have an inherent distrust of all men and think my special snowflakes should be with mummy at all times and never have to venture into the depths of the appropriate gender changing room.

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