AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

[Lindsay81]

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

yes because paedophiles and sexual attacks on children don't exist. No way. No siree!

here

another

here

yes there is only a very slim chance of this happening but it does happen.

Some parents don't want to take that slim chance,(and I don't blame them) some parents cant be bothered waiting for family cubicle. sometimes there isn't a family change area.

I absolutly agree women should be allowed a private space - but don't start going down the road that children in a room away from eye shot are a million % safe - because they are not.

You could get a personal tent to undress in.

Not a million % safe no but we live in the world not a cotton wool lined box. If you don't want to follow the rules / there's no family changing etc use a different pool. Simples.

"As a previous poster said, she didn't like a particular pool's changing facilities, so toes to go there but elsewhere."

If it is my post you are talking about, what I meant was that there are no changing facilities for my son so he cannot use that pool. There is no liking or choice about it. I wouldn't take him in the women's changing room but it means that one of the two local public pools is inaccessible to him. There are certainly not suitable accessible changing facilities everywhere. In this case the disabled changing rooms are in the male and female change so if you have an opposite sex carer you are stuffed.

toobusy some parents don't want to take that chance - Regardless if your willing too.

I Agree on the rules as I stated waaaaaay up thread. I also teach children swimming - as I stated waaaay up thread so know what it's like in there.

If there is an issue report it to the duty manager.

Simples

"Some parents don't want to take that slim chance,(and I don't blame them) some parents cant be bothered waiting for family cubicle. sometimes there isn't a family change area."

So they find a solution which does not impact on other people. They do not have the right simply to disregard the rules that have been set so that girls can have the female only space they have the right to expect.

as TooBusyByHalf mentioned before - more 8 year olds are killed crossing the road than touched inappropriately in a swimming pool changing room - do you hold your 8 year old boy's hand every time you cross the road - or do you take that much larger chance than "slim" that they will come to harm on a road rather than a changing room.

The thing to do if you feel your child is unsafe (as opposed to incapable - 2 very different reasons) is to GET IT CHANGED... not to invade spaces which have been set aside as female only spaces.

Why on earth are people putting up with unsafe areas inside a PAID FOR facility - why are you paying to go somewhere you believe perverts hang out?

Joyful- none of these incidents are in swimming pools- All in public toilets (free entry, no identifying memberships).

In changing rooms it is more likely there will be lots of adults and other boys, all having paid, with membership, making it unlikely an assault could happen.

Assaults in swimming environments are historically more likely to be carried out by the swim coach or swim teacher- someone in a position of trust.

Putting aside the rare risk of actually being assaulted, it is far more daunting for a small boy to walk into a changing room full of adults he doesn't know and find his way about and get sorted entirely alone than with his mum or entire class - obviously!

If I sounded snippy when I asked I didn't mean to be, it wasn't obvious, which is why I asked. I think 6 is young too, I was just wondering, if they manage at school, would it be so unreasonable, but I'm not sure the answer is for women and young girls to suck it up.

It's daunting for a young girl changing too, and then adding strange (or classmates) makes in the rooms can make it more daunting. The threat of sexual abuse has been mentioned, and I understand that fear, but why is the answer for young girls to move over? And not for those who need the extra facilities campaigning for them? there could be women and young girls who have been abused in the past using the changing rooms too, and having males in there will make them anxious. I think it's reasonable for a young girl, to want to use female changing rooms, without boys in there.

Dd wouldn't feel any more comfortable if it were 6 year old boy in the changing rooms, than an 11 year old, many adult women might not be bothered, but many young girls are.

Has anyone here started any campaigns for more family facilities? I'm not being snippy and I genuinely mean this, if anyone in the north east has, and if there's anything I can help with, I will. Please PM me.

I forgot to bold the first paragraph, sorry.

In my children's school, the younger children up to about six all got changed for PE in the class room together. Beyond that age, boys and girls get changed in separate rooms because many don't want to get undressed in front of the opposite sex. They are also expected to get themselves changed at school swimming lessons.

It would seem to me that it is in the interests of most children over seven to have single sex changing.

That said, various threads on here have made it clear that lots of people think children do not have a right to privacy from the opposite sex, and believes that female changing is actually a communal space for everyone who wants to avoid adult men or be with women for whatever reason (and some of the reasons are important ones).

It would seem obvious that in reality 'female changing' does not exist, and having open plan with few cubicles 'female changing' is preventing girls from having privacy.

I think it should all be replaced with changing villages, with decent sized cubicles and showers that are single and fully enclosed.

It is interesting, this idea that women and girls can only have things if men and boys don't want them.............

in reality 'female changing' does not exist

Not just female changing, either. I am getting heartily sick of the notion that there are two classes of people: "men" and "not men", and that the class "women" is always expected to accommodate "not men" whatever the circumstances - in this case the "not men" category including "boys".

But the "men" category is always sacrosanct.

At our pool the signs say children aged 8 and over should be in the appropriate changing room. As my ds is and was small for his age I took him into the ladies for a while longer but sent him into a cubicle to get changed. It was all kids at that time of day anyway as it was lessons, no adults swimming in any event.

I understand why people don't want their kids going into the opposite changing room on their own though - if only because the kids take so long to get changed and you can't get in to chivvy them along. Some pools don't have family areas, but some have only unisex areas which are all cubicles which are much better as long as you are not trying to squeeze four young children into the same one!

I am clearly uptight as I always go into a cubicle myself whether or not there are any small boys around, and all the other ladies are standing around in the nuddy chatting to each other! So I don't really care if there are any boys around as I lock myself away!

The pool my mum goes to (and where I brought DS1 for baby swimming) has a changing village with cubicles but only communal showers. Apparently it was for some "safeguarding" reason.

If the changing facilities and rules of a leisure club or gym don't suit you and your family, then don't go there.
No matter how logical your reasons for not wanting your children to get dressed and shower in a separate area, it does not excuse you coming up with a solution that impinges on the rights of other users.

All things considered I still think
a) it is stupid that we train children to be uncomfortable getting changed in front of others, whatever their gender.
b) it is a lot harder for a SAHD with a daughter.

Lots of places where the only family spaces are inside the women's area and lots of places you can't even access a baby change outside of the women's area.

Maybe Ill get her a shepee so she can use the urinal with him.

And you are perfectly entitled to think that Ice. What you would not be entitled to do is just ignore the rules and make other people feel uncomfortable because you're annoyed with the facilities provided. Speak to management, take your business elsewhere, lobby for better facilities, but don't just think 'sod everyone else, I'm going to make my point'. (Not saying you'd do that, but some people do).

"it is stupid that we train children to be uncomfortable getting changed in front of others, whatever their gender."

I don't know about that - I think kids at a certain age do develop a sense of privacy regardless of whether we "train them", and I don't think it's particularly "stupid" for, say, an adolescent girl to not want to take all her clothes off in front of a group of heterosexual sixteen year old boys who may well fancy a later wank over what they've seen/be obviously looking her up and down. Clearly it's different for small children, but I don't think there's anything wrong with having an age boundary after which we go "now it's private", for both sexes. Maybe 6 is too young, but once puberty is underway is definitely too old.

Personally I'm absolutely fine changing in front of other women and small children, and would probably get changed (but not naked) in front of some of my male friends - other older boys and men, no, I would feel uncomfortable. I think the naturist idea that we should be comfortable getting naked in front of everyone and anyone is a step too far for most people.

(now remembering the naked protesting man at Glastonbury, to which my reaction each year was OH GOD PUT IT AWAY)

Archery and Hakluyt, I don't disagree with you. I just think we should drop the pretence that female changing is a thing we're currently allowed to have.

The numerous threads on here about 10 year olds, teenage boys, dads with daughters, women's male partners, adult men with special needs, men who are nervous of other men and so on going in to female only facilities of one kind or another makes me think we should drop the pretence that female facilities really exist.

You are probably right, almond, which is why we should push for them whenever we can.

leedy but would men be so keen to eye up (and wank over) what they say everyday? Isn't it the fact we keep our bodies hidden that over sexualized them?

If boys and girls changed together all the way through from babies to adults then seeing a nipple wouldn't be the titillating experience it is at the moment?

People often mention knees at this point. How highly sexually stimulating, a glimpse of knee used to be when knees where never seen in polite society...now we see them all the time...and is anyone turned on by them now?

micah it doesn't really matter where is it. A vunerable child was in a vunerable position. Some parents don't want to take the risk. I was asked my an elderly man in a very busy city centre while waiting the road in a crowd of people If I wanted to go with him to see his dick. I was around 13 at the time. He got great delight in my confused horrified face and just walked off. If happens anywhere. So yes I can understand patents not wanting there chikdren out off eye shot in a state of undress where there maybe anybody in there too.

You don't need to be a member to use all sports facilities either.

Not once have I said that parents should bring these older know kids in with them BUT i can sympathise. I also don't like any one looking at my fat arse when I'm getting changed - least of all my pupils which has happened before.

leedy but would men be so keen to eye up (and wank over) what they say everyday? Isn't it the fact we keep our bodies hidden that over sexualized them?

I dunno, I kind of like the fact that when I've seen partners naked for the first time it's been in an intimate context. Also if you think that adolescent boys would just stop eyeing up/wanking over naked women if they saw them all the time and thus "naked bodies stopped being sexy", I suspect you are on a hiding to nowhere.

For all that I find the commodification of women's bodies problematic, the idea of us all walking around in the utopian nip with no sense of privacy and not finding human bodies of the appropriate gender(s) sexually stimulating sounds kind of .. dull. Also I think even in cultures where breasts aren't sexualized, people tend to cover their genitals.