AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

[Lindsay81]

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

The question was am I being unreasonable to complain, in these circumstances. Just in case anyone missed that. Sumise all you like on my attitudes to sexuality, gender, body consciousness etc. At the same time, I'll have a wee look around for a f*ck, because I currently have none to give. :-)

Likalixer: - I think the problem can be solved very easily by families just waiting until a cubicle becomes available if they wish to change together. It's not like there isn't a facility there for families who want to do that. Wait for a family cubicle or send your child to the correct changing room if they are old enough.

I can only assume that so many people break this rule because they are lazy or selfish (as others have suggested), and believe that for some reason THEY shouldn't have to wait for a family cubicle (which in this case is a whole separate changing room area). And this is what irks me most about this situation (and at times other things in our society). Anyway, the gym agree with me and want their customers to continue to challenge families in the changing rooms breaking this rule and also report these events, with names when known.

Theycallmemellowjello: I'm amazed too! Mostly at the bizarre extrapolation of my comments by some into what I consider to be quite strange/ disturbing directions for this thread.

Ds1 is 7 and I wouldn't send him alone into the men's to get himself showered, dryers and dressed.

He comes into the women's with me and ds2. 6 is very young to ban boys from the female changing room IMO...I definitely wouldn't send a 6 year old in alone tbh.

Especially if I'd been swimming too, because then I'd have to take myself into the ladies leaving a 6 year old able to wander alone out of the men's.

Nope. I'd ignore the signs too atm op.

But why choose to join a private gym when you disagree with their rules?

Lindsay81 I don't think Yabu to not want a 10 year old boy (barring disabilities) in the women's changing room.

I'm still shocked that the cut off is 6 though.

Sorry, I generalised when you gave a specific example. I tend to look at an issue as a whole rather than specifics. I don't think YABU, if you are uncomfortable complain because if there are rules not being followed then that is what is important. I do think it's interesting to look at the whole issue, because it will affect many others in different situations. It's an interesting subject to debate.

My gym agrees with you too, OP. Thank fuck (or I probably wouldn't go there).

For those saying why can't you change without flashing, just as you would on the beach - what a daft comparison. Women often go to the pool/gym, have a shower, get fully dressed in underwear & outer clothes, do hair/makeup, and go straight out to work or on the town. Nobody does on the beach. And I think teenage girls should be able to do that in a space set aside for women, of which there are fuck-all these days if you haven't notices, without worrying about the presence of boys only a few years younger than them.

I would think the average 7yr old boy should be capable of dressing themselves, there's no reason for them to be in the women's changing room. I used to swim with my dad and started changing on my own from about 6. Had to give him my bag to put in a locker but I don't see why these children are so helpless and unable to dry/dress themselves.

My Dh gets corporate membership of a gym and takes the kids swimming there regularly. (He's actually there now hence me mums netting. :) )

Dd is just 5 (we also have ds aged 1.) There are no family changing rooms. He is starting to feel uncomfortable about taking her into the men's changing rooms but she can't go alone into the female changing rooms just yet - even if she could cope with the changing (maybe - just about) she can't actually open the bloody heavy door!

Somewhere between 6 and 8 seems about right thinking about how friends' daughters are.

Jemima, what do you think will happen to your seven year old if you say 'have a quick shower and meet me on the bench right here?'

And if you really think he'll 'wander off' (he's 7, not 3!) then why don't you skip your own shower and throw some clothes over your bathers and wait outside the men's room door?

Why is it other women who have to make all the compromises?

I think 8 and above, fair enough but it would be irresponsible to leave a 6 year old child alone in a gym.

Why is it a compromise to let a little boy under 8 into the women's changing room though?

Whether or not family changing rooms are available depends on your definition of family changing room.

Sometimes they are smallish rooms in which 3-5 people can fit. Rarely are there anything like enough of these.

Sometimes, they are large areas with open areas and/or cubicles with side walls, but no doors, which a family can cluster in. Often this sort has many mums and dads who arent changing, just supervising. Which depending circumstances, can make it really awkward for a mom, or a dad, to shower and change.

I used to get the rage at several non-swimming parents who supervised multiple older children each in their own semi-cubicle in the family room, wet mums and dads in a stand off over the open area. Every week whichever gender was less represented in that crowd went off to the gendered dressing room with their children just slightly too old for it. After i got used to how the classes were scheduled, we began staying in the after class free play area about twice as long as allowed, until that class cleared out of the family room. Unless we needed to get going, in which case, womans room and cubicle.

At what age do boys turn into dangerous predators who you wouldn't want your own child to be in a changing room with?

Serious question. All these unknown "men" in the men's changing room that you can't possibly let your own sons use because of unspoken reasons (which appear to be "men in the men's changing rooms might be paedos") were once small boys. They had parents who, like you, didn't deliberately raise them as perverts, so exactly what messages are you giving your sons about men when you tell them that they can't go into the men's changing room alone?

My DD is 10 and has had breasts since she was born as she suffers from a hormonal condition. She is painfully shy about it and HATES it when boys her age or younger are in the female changing room at her swimming lessons. Because they do stare. Why should she stop going swimming, an exercise she loves, because you have such a bad opinion of men that you won't allow your child to use the appropriate changing room?

It's spectacular doublethink to say you won't let your son in the men's changing room because "peedos" then absolutely deny that your sons, who will grow up into the very men that you're currently so scared of, would stare at girls and women and make them uncomfortable.

I guess with the age thing, you can't see it and you can't always see a disability that would make it necessary to supervise a child. I know most nine year olds are a lot more independent than mine, but he has suspected ADD, perhaps autism (Aspergers runs in my family, I have it myself), and there are situations where he doesn't cope so well as his peers.

One, even two, older boys is turn a blind eye too. Unseen sn, whatever.

However it really does seem to be the thing to take your boys into the women's with you. And this applies to siblings who aren't getting changed. So mum will be changing dd, while older brother looks on. Why not leave them outside?

I saw one woman escort her teenage (well he was taller than me) into the women's change, walk through with her hands over his eyes to the toilet, told him not to look while he used the toilet, then escorted him back out.

Why on earth not send him into the men's. Or use the disabled toilet?

OR they could use (and queue if necessary) the family changing rooms when they are provided!

OR they could take him into the men's changing room themselves - if gender doesn't matter that much to them.

YANBU.

If people don't like the rules about the age of boys in women's changing rooms they shouldn't use the facilities. Wait until the boys are older.

It's unfair to force your wishes on others, especially if you break the rules to do so.

I would complain, if there aren't other facilities available it isn't the fault of the women in the womens changing room.
If you can't fit in with the rules then don't go or queue for a family room.
I'd be telling the woman to f off in a really loud voice if dc weren't supposed to be in there.
They'd soon get the message then.

Exactly, lovecat.

tiggytape, so what if 10 is 'well before puberty' for most boys (which is debatable)? It's beside the point, which is that 10 or 12-year-old girls don't want to get dressed in front of 10-year-old boys!

All this business about how difficult it would be for boys to navigate the men's changing room is over-egged. I'm quite sure a bloke will help him with a heavy door. And he doesn't need a locker or full shaving kit, FFS - presumably he's at the pool with you, and he's wearing one item (swimming trunks), no? So you send him in with a dry towel and a clean t-shirt and shorts, wait outside, he has a shower, dries himself, puts on the shirt and shorts, walks out and hands you the trunks and towel.

If an 8-year-old cannot navigate that, barring special needs, I'm at a loss.

I think the elephant in the room here, which nobody wants to say on MN because it would be (rightly) condemned, is that most women who want to bring their boys in with them do think the men's room is teeming with paedophiles.

Sad.

"I think the elephant in the room here, which nobody wants to say on MN because it would be (rightly) condemned, is that most women who want to bring their boys in with them do think the men's room is teeming with paedophiles."

Yep - so why don't THEY take their precious boys into the men's changing rooms. Perhaps it would start to either make them see how safe it is, or make them actually bloody well DO something about it if it isn't. Instead of this "oh they can't cope getting changed in there" business.

I don't think the men's changing room is teaming with pedophiles! I also don't think little boys are a threat to the dignity of women in the female changing room.

This thread has a very unpleasant us and them vibe about it. It just sad.