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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
Mrsstarlord · 26/04/2015 19:28

Not everywhere mythical and sometimes, when there are, they are out of order. But unless you use them you wouldn't know that. So instead why not just bitch and complain about something rather than try and understand. Do you really think that people would choose to change in an open plan changing room than a contained family room? Particularly just because they are selfish?

likalixer · 26/04/2015 19:28

If there were more cubicles in changing rooms, then everybody's needs would be met.

The OP is talking about a private gym, where customers are paying for and expecting a certain standard of service.
It's not about a competition where one person's needs is more important than the other.

MrTumblesBavarianFanbase · 26/04/2015 19:28

:o Mistress

MythicalKings · 26/04/2015 19:29

That's what seems to have happened according to the OP.

likalixer · 26/04/2015 19:30

Also, there are SN girls in there one night a week. Most post-puberty, with little self awareness. I am not comfortable seeing lots of boys of various ages, sitting fully clothed, waiting for siblings, staring at these girls. What about their rights to learn to swim?

Good point.

Aridane · 26/04/2015 19:30

OP -' YANBU - and I don't get posters who somehow think the rules / notices at their gym / pool etc somehow don't apply to them

Mrsstarlord · 26/04/2015 19:35

They are not sn.
They have sn.

If it's an issue that the boys are outnumbering the girls, or that vulnerable girls are in a more vulnerable position then the management need to address the fact that their facilities are insufficient. However that is not what the OP was about, it was about a woman detesting women who allow their sons to get changed in a women's changing room because they stare at her when she is naked.

Jessica2point0 · 26/04/2015 19:48

mrsstarlord, I absolutely do care that older boys with SN don't have access. I just don't agree that the way to deal with that is women giving up their women-only spaces, leaving some women and girls with no access. I've said a few times that there should be adequate family changing. And if you started an thread "AIBU to complain about the lack of family changing / leisure facilities for children with SN" then I'd be behind you 100%.

I'm adamant that women and girls have rights. I'm adamant that simply ignoring the rules rather than doing anything to change the situation is unacceptable. I am, however, genuinely sorry that I've upset you.

Hissy · 26/04/2015 19:54

One thing that confuses me.

Ds has swimming lessons on Saturday morning. I'm a single parent, so it's always me that takes him.

He's 9, so MUST go in the make changing room.

BUT...

There are as many girls in there sometimes as in the female changing rooms because they have been brought by their fathers.

Either my son is too old to change in front of females, or he's not.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:02

Hissy that's a very good point.

TheUnwillingNarcheska · 26/04/2015 20:03

Our private gym was aged 7 and under so when they hit 8 they had to use the gender specific changing room. They also had several family rooms with a shower in each one.

We used to time our regular weekend swim to arrive in between swimming lesson changing because of how busy it was in the changing rooms. They can tell if anyone flouts the rules because the children have their own gym card with their date of birth stored on file.

Before joining this gym we travelled 25 minutes to a council run pool because it had individual changing cubicles. The one down the road had communal changing and curtained individual cubicles.

You know the rules of the gym you join, you stick to them. If you aren't happy having your child in the men's changing room, change your gym.

BingBong36 · 26/04/2015 20:09

I wouldn't dream of sending my 6 year old off to the men's on his own to get dressed it's far too young!!

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 20:13

What I don't understand about the families with older boys with SN, is why they can't go into the family changing area? This area is provided for families of all ages and all genders.

The pool that the OP is talking about has provided a male only area, a female only area and some family areas. Everyone has a space to get changed, so why does anyone need to go into the wrong area?

Sometimes we have to wait. It might be that women have to wait for a space in the women's changing area at busy periods, or men have to wait in busy periods or families have to wait in busy periods. I can't see that anyone has a right to infringe the pool rules about who should be changing where,simply because they might have to wait, or go into a more crowded area. This does seem selfish to me and to be the parents saying 'I feel entitled to IMMEDIATE access, WHEREVER I like and will take it, regardless of the pool policy'
These people are saying that a woman getting changed has no right to expect privacy and a female only area, despite the fact that when she joined the gym, these were the terms and the signs on the walls confirm that policy.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:18

Chocolate

Maybe they just want to get their children dried and changed and out of there as quickly as possible.

Thetruthshallmakeyefret · 26/04/2015 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 20:23

Maybe they do want to get them dried and out as quickly as poss. Why don't they go into the family changing area and do it then, rather than ignore the signs that are very clear, when alternatives are available.
And we are not just talking about getting dried are we, but the initial getting changed too. People are choosing to ignore the signs, to ignore the alternative facilities which have been provided and just go wherever they feel like.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:26

Thetruth - male entitlement?

Most people here are talking about boys ages between 6 and 8!

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:27

Chocolate - because as you said they have SN, this makes it different.

Saz12 · 26/04/2015 20:30

If the 10-year-old has SN and therefore not appropriate to be alone in adult changing room, then would it not be possible to use disabled facilities? Are they not there for people who would otherwise struggle to access, for whatever reason? Obviously am assuming that the disabled facilities are perfectly adequate etc....

MistressMerryWeather · 26/04/2015 20:30

Yes, nasty male entitlement!

It's all the mothers fault!

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:39

I think nearly everyone here thinks that boys aged 8 or over should use the men's changing room unless they have additional needs.

Obviously lots of people have seen older boys in the women's changing room - not appropriate unless the child need adult supervision for what ever reason.

So what is the issue here?

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:42

Saz12 Yes I assume they would used the disabled facilities if it was available. Otherwise they'd just used whatever facility was the next best thing.

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 20:44

Why though is it necessary for a mother to take her SN older boy into the women's changing room, when there is a family changing room. It will be of a decent size to fit a family in. Provision has been made,mso why do they need to go elsewhere?
If there was no family changing room or disabled facility, I could understand this, but when there are facilities and a clear sign saying no boys over 6, I still can't see it is necessary.

And of course, the majority of boys spotted in women's changing rooms are not SN. Yes I know are SN which are not obvious, but there are clearly lots of older boys without SN in the changing rooms too. I can see NO excuse whatsoever when there are family changing rooms and clear signs saying it is not allowed.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 20:47

Chocolate maybe the disabled facility wasn't available? And how do you know they don't have SN?

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 21:00

I just really don't think, in a place that does have family changing rooms, that it's okay to make adult women uncomfortable by taking older male children into the room with them because you can't be arsed to use/wait for the family changing room.

I just don't think it's okay, to put the inconvenience that you personally might feel at having to wait a bit for a family changing room, over the bothering of others who are trying to use a facility designed for them. Sure, the facility might be designed badly with not enough family changing rooms, but in that case moan to the premesis/your local council and try to get it fixed.

It just privileges your wishes as a parent over the wishes of the people in the changing room. I really don't think that's unreasonable?

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