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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to complain about these mothers?!

380 replies

Lindsay81 · 26/04/2015 12:13

AIBU to complain at the gym reception about mothers that bring their >6 year old sons into ladies changing rooms, despite there being signs to say this is not acceptable over this age AND family changing rooms being available?

After my workout I shower and change. I don't linger over this or choose to dry my hair completely in the buff (LOL) but nor do I want to cart all my stuff into one of those cubicles. I dry myself and get dressed. This is quite difficult to do with a 10year old boy's eyes nearly popping out his head due to him staring at you. I feel I should in some way keep my towel pinned to my sides with my elbows, while simultaneously attempting to pull my underwear on, resembling some sort of demented T-Rex.

Are you a mother that does this? If so, 1) Know that I detest you and 2) WHY?! Go into the family changing rooms!

AIBU to complain, especially about the ones that do it weekly?

OP posts:
ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 21:06

We are talking theoretically here. I haven't seen any boys SN or otherwise. Clearly, the many children mentioned as being spotted on here are not all SN and you know that.
Because there might be some children with SN in some women's changing rooms, because in those particular pools the disabled facility is out of order at the same time as the family rooms are out of order, this scenario will be rare. Far more common will be the boys in the changing room because people have chosen to be there - the OPs pool has family changing rooms, which are ignored, despite there being signs requesting people not to bring their boys in.

The existence of people with children with SN Im sure does mean exceptions sometimes need to be made. But this doesn't mean that people cannot and should not challenge rule-breaking behaviour on that basis.

If I were in the OPs changing room I would point out the sign about older boys. If the parent then said that the disabled facility was out of order and the family rooms were closed and their child needed to be with them because of additional needs, I would then understand. I don't think it would be wrong to point the sign out though.
I appreciate the parent in this case might feel a bit wearied by having to explain, but I think the woman also has a right to expect that in most circumstances the sign will be adhered to. I can't imagine that anyone thinks that because someone might be contravening rules due to their child having SN means no-one should ever query why anyone is breaking the rules.

AvaCrowder · 26/04/2015 21:07

OP YANBU to complain. The gym has rules that you wish to be enforced.

Whether six or eight is a better age, I'd think that would depend on the child.

In the UK I thought that accessible facilities were required by law.

My municiple leisure centre has six pool changing areas; mothers and children, women, girls, boys, men and fathers and children rooms. All are commununal with three cubicles.

The gym part just has women and men, because you have to be sixteen to use the gym facilities.

It does annoy me when people bring their children into the womens dry changing because they don't want to pay for an extra 15-30mins creche time.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 26/04/2015 21:09

If there are facility's then there is no reason not to use them and they shouldn't be in the ladies. If they a full - then wait. It really is as simple as that.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 21:10

Well pained as long as we're not talking about boys as young as seven then I think we're all in agreement.

There seems to be a lot of confusion as to what an "older male child" is! I think it means boys aged eight and over but for some people it's depressingly young Sad

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 21:14

Clearly, the many children mentioned as being spotted on here are not all SN and you know that.

No Chocolate I don't know if these boys had SN or not.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 21:19

I can't imagine that anyone thinks that because someone might be contravening rules due to their child having SN means no-one should ever query why anyone is breaking the rules

It's not "contravening" the rules.

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 21:21

Well TBH I think six is about right.

Changing rooms are private, you know? Adults know to respect this, and will keep their eyes averted and get on with their own stuff, but kids are curious and will look, and I would be annoyed at having to adapt my behaviour in my own space, to avoid someone else's child doing something that they shouldn't be doing, because they shouldn't be in the space in the first place.

But, you know, not a huge deal. I would feel encroached on and annoyed though.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 21:26

But ALL children can stare painted, boys and girls! And they should be taught not to, that's important too.

I'm just getting really upset at the thought that other adult women think boys as young as seven are "inappropriate". They're children.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 26/04/2015 21:31

I wouldn't get upset Drop - many women are not comfortable being in the flesh so when they can a pair of eyes baring on them (regardless of age/gender) they can feel uncomfortable.

ArcheryAnnie · 26/04/2015 21:33

Why do people not believe the OP was being stared at when she says she was? Is it so hard to believe that a 8/9/10yo will have a higher than average curiosity about the human body coupled with lower than average subtlety?

Exactly what CaptainHolt said. Why would the op invent being uncomfortable about something if it didn't happen, and where on earth has everyone been hiding all these small boys who are perfect models of politesse?

If a woman says she's uncomfortable about something - anything - that has happened in a changing room, I am inclined to believe her. i don't know why you wouldn't.

Dr0pThePirate · 26/04/2015 21:34

Thanks Joyfull Smile

paintedfences · 26/04/2015 21:37

True, and I take your point. I would annoyed if a small girl was staring at me too.

I don't even think that it's anything to do with whether a little boy would be being inappropriate. It's just there's a difference between being 6 and not even giving a second thought to men and women being different, and being 8 and being curious. I understand it's harmless curiosity and wouldn't for a second imagine it'd anything but, but I just wouldn't want to be part of the teaching moment, you know? Just want to get on with my own stuff and change at leisure - because in this case there are family rooms.

If there aren't fair enough. If the child has SN fair enough. But otherwise respect other people's privacy and space, you know. But YMMV and I am an introvert who likes my space

SeenSheen · 26/04/2015 21:37

Most people are not so precious.

I always take mine into the womens shower as I am not happy about him showering alone with a bunch of strange men and yes he is over 6
.
If you were to complain and this resulted in him being sent alone into the mens then I would detest you even more than you do me!

There are family cubicles for changing but not for showering.

Joyfulldeathsquad · 26/04/2015 21:46

Also I will add - I'm a swimming teacher and sometimes when I've been for a swim and some of my younger pupils are the changing room while I'm getting undressed I can feel tiny eyes boring in to my fat wobbly bits. And that worse ! There is no family changing room either.

I hate the fact that some of my little swimmers may have caught sight of my minge

PeeNoMore · 26/04/2015 21:59

YANBU. I am another poster amazed that this has prompted such huge hostility. Complain absolutely - it might prompt them to provide more family changing.

It's really sad that so many people are afraid to let boys get changed with others of their own gender Confused Why should girls be made to feel uncomfortable because of this? My friend is a primary school teacher and they had to stop swimming lessons because a parent went mad because 'her son saw an old man's penis!!!!!' in the changing room. It's ridiculous. There was a male teacher present, the man was just a bloke who was quite relaxed about other men / boys seeing the same genitals they had themselves. Absolute insanity.

PeeNoMore · 26/04/2015 22:05

SeenSheen what do you think is going to happen to your son if he showers / changes in a room with 'strange men'? Genuine question. Does he have some kind of special needs that mean he is especially vulnerable? Why would anything happen other than him getting a quick shower and getting dried and dressed, without any issues?

In RL I have never heard of a single incident in a single sex changing room. I have heard of a couple of incidents in the unisex cubicle type changing rooms (teen boys taking phone photos over / under the door of teen girls) so I would be much more wary of mixed changing areas.

ChocolateWombat · 26/04/2015 22:09

In the case of the OP's pool, it WAS contravening the rules. There are clear signs at her pool saying boys under 6 are not to be in the women's changing room.
If people want to belong to that facilty and they provide family spaces, then they should respect the rules and let women have their own space. It is simple.

She has complained and should complain to the management every time it happens. She would be perfectly entitled to ask the parent the age of their child and why they were in there too.

Again, I say that because some children might have SN, this is no reason to simply feel that women can never feel they can EVER have a female only space, or question why bigger boys are there. They can question the management (who might explain it in terms of SN) or they can question the parents perfectly legitimately. No doubt the pool has made the original rule and put up the signs in response to previous complaints about the issue, which they decided were legitimate. They have provided alternative facilities for families with older children, so now the women can expect that they will have changing rooms free from older boys.

Knottyknitter · 26/04/2015 22:26

I agree, chocolate. It's a members' only gym, with rules you agree to on joining, so follow them.

When I've needed the family changing it has never been busy, certainly never a wait involved. The ladies however has frequently been rammed with mums and small/ not so small children, often uncontrolled, especially on days I don't have dd with me, so need to use the ladies!

Joyfulldeathsquad · 26/04/2015 22:30

pee here

It does happen. Google search brings up quiet a few Sad

jellybeans · 26/04/2015 23:48

Yabu. My pool has a sign up saying boys must change with their parents (so in their parents gender change room) until age 9. This is because children under 8 could enter the pool and drown if they are unattended apparently. Safety should trump a few offended smogs! No way would I leave my 6 YO in a men's on his own. Need more unisex or family change rooms.

Hissy · 27/04/2015 00:10

I'm uncomfortable about the comments of women saying they'd not leave their child in a male changing room.

Would their dh say the same thing about leaving a child in the female changing room?

Why are we allowing this casual demonisation of men?

Our sons are men in the making, we spout this kind of shite and let's see how it affects them?

Reverse the language and genders and think bout how you would feel if women were being cast as monsters here? Barely able to control their urges. It's positively middle-eastern in its ridiculousness.

Dr0pThePirate · 27/04/2015 00:13

I agree with you Hissy.

The same has to be said of little boys too though. Seven year old boys in the women's changing room can't be that bad either?

Spadequeen · 27/04/2015 00:23

I remember stopping a dad taking his dàughter into the women's changing rooms at swimming as he didn't think it was appropriate for her to be in the men's changing rooms! I can't remember exactly what I said but I'm pretty certain I let him know he was a twat!

KoalaDownUnder · 27/04/2015 00:51

Drop, I mean this nicely: you are taking this WAY too personally.

I love boy children; I adore my 5 nephews. But beyond a certain age, I don't get naked in front of them, and i shut the bathroom door when having a shower. So does their 12-year-old sister. Why would I feel any differently about boys I don't even know? Why should I have to?

Women and girls are entitled to their space. Someone has had to nominate a cut-off age. It is 6, or 8, or whatever it is. It's not personal.

fattymcfatfat · 27/04/2015 01:10

my 6 yo son would not be happy having to change in the womens! he likes his privacy too. but he is only 6, so I take my 13 yo brother with me and he makes sure my DS doesn't prat about in the mens or if my bro doesn't come we use the ladies but he goes in a cubicle and stays inside until I am ready to take him to the pool (I also have a 1 yo DD) the cubicles are set aside from the communal area and lead past the showers (which have doors) straight to the pool so he never sees anything as he averts his eyes on the way in. he knows other people like privacy not just him.
I do my best to ensure my sons safety and the comfort of others changing. (no family changing area, I have asked and got directed to the ladies!then she said if that's uncomfortable for us we could change together next to the pool! safe to say complaints have been made and construction is under way)