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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would it BU to report this store clerk to his manager?

200 replies

NoPillows · 25/04/2015 15:04

I've just been into Sainsbury's. I look young for my age (not a stealth boast, it's relevant). Among other things I also bought some alcohol. I went to the self-check out tills where the attending store clerk asked me for ID, checked it and I got on with paying for the items all good so far.

Before leaving the store I went to buy cigarettes. When I asked the person staffing that area for the cigarettes he loudly declares "Gosh! You sound younger than me, do you have any ID" I give him my license and then he looks at it and says "oh 1984!" He then holds my license in the air next to my head and loudly ponders "are you sure this is you... I mean your hair is down, are you sure its you!?" I get frustrated and tell him to leave it then (because obviously if he doesn't think its me he's not at liberty to sell me anything).

He then says "No, no, I was just wondering because of your hair" he still has my ID in the air looking at it and then back at me. He does in the end sell me the cigarettes and his colleague next to him says "you've upset her." I then tell him that "he shouldn't treat customers like that" As I walk away he says "sorry miss."

I'd rather he just refused to sell me the cigarettes and I'd have just left, there was no need for this stand off which left me feeling a little bit humiliated. I know that in the big scheme of things it doesn't matter but I really didn't like the way he went on about the whole thing.

I rang the general enquiry line to ask what procedures they'd have in place for bad customer service. I told the rep that I wouldn't want to report him if it meant that he'd lose his job. The rep said in all likelihood he wouldn't lose his job but the store manager would have a word with him and he advised I contact the store directly. So should I call the store manager?

OP posts:
abigamarone · 25/04/2015 22:04

If you do complain, please do it in the style you've used in this thread - it'll entertain them no end. And once they've established whether or not a whole 10 minutes was spent checking, you'll be consigned to the nutter's pile assured staff will be spoken to and retrained forthwith

Original poster
NoPillows · 25/04/2015 22:08

Dr0p It's because when you post an AIBU, people give advice and what have you, fine. That's the whole point. The first few posts I received were very much people offering constructive advice. But then it turned. I don't see why anyone should feel free to call anyone 'raving mad' or 'obsessive' just because we're on an annoymous forum so my replies largely centred on defending my position. It wasn't my intention to come across as being raving mad and I'd like to think I did so without offending anyone.

OP posts:
AlpacaMyBag · 25/04/2015 22:12

I think he was very unprofessional. Taking time to look at a photo is fine. If you're still not sure, then you ask a colleague's opinion or ask for another piece of ID (if this is legal; I don't know). But keeping up a running commentary and saying your DOB loudly are both unacceptable. He is meant to be making a very important assessment with potentially serious consequences if he gets it wrong, not joking around. YANBU.

Dr0pThePirate · 25/04/2015 22:13

Ah yes, they are goady here. Take comfort from the fact that absolutely no one in real life has balls as big as they do hereGrin

YourKidsYourRulesHunXxx · 25/04/2015 22:17

Aw NoPillows I didnt mean for you to think I was personally calling you grumpy. I was referring to what my customers are like- some of them bring my high to a screeching hault which makes me think that I was a bit of an over-cheery dick haha.

GraysAnalogy · 25/04/2015 22:19

If someone said this in real life to me they'd get the exact same replies We're not all 'keyboard Warriors'.

Reginafalangie · 25/04/2015 22:30

Funniest thread tonight Grin

OP hope complaining made you feel better, humans can make stupid mistakes and it is best they are pulled up on them I mean next time he may actually injure somebody!

And yes I would say that to the OP's face

Mrsstarlord · 25/04/2015 22:38

YABU, getting your knickers in a twist. I understand if you were having a bad day but to then whip yourself up on here and then phone up. It sounds like you've painted yourself into a corner and are too embarrassed / stubborn to admit it.

hobNong · 25/04/2015 22:43

I don't know op. I had a similar experience (in a sainsburys actually) and it was so embarrassing. I wanted to complain but wasn't sure which store it was (there were two very close together in an area I'm not that familar with and when I looked online I couldn't work out which one I'd been in). It was really embarrassing actually. He made such a big deal about how young I look and he was so loud. I bet he wouldn't have done it if I was male.

Dr0pThePirate · 25/04/2015 23:00

Typing what you would say to someone's face is still just typing though isn't it. None of us has any proof of what anyone else is like in real life but we do know how easy it is to be unpleasant on the internet.

I think it's safe to say we all act out here and the OP has been on the receiving end of easily typed unpleasantness. She's acted out herself too but its being piled on a bit thick for someone who said they already felt humiliated. Remember she didn't do anything wrong in the shop!

Reginafalangie · 25/04/2015 23:11

Typing what you would say to someone's face is still just typing though isn't it.

Obviously seen as there is no other way for me to communicate with the OP Hmm

Dr0pThePirate · 25/04/2015 23:23

Yes Regina my point was to the op who felt attacked that it's easy to be unpleasant on the internet. Couple of others said they'd still say the same to her but it doesn't matter what people type. It's not been said to her face so she can take some comfort from that.

ClumsyNinja · 26/04/2015 09:11

OP, don't move up North or to Ireland or anywhere where they have a sense of humour, otherwise you'll be permanently mortified by the craic.

kali110 · 26/04/2015 15:18

Actually it was you would be unreasonable bit i see youve all ready done it, so i stand by it.
Think this was a lot of fuss over nothing.

He could also face a fine if he is caught selling to an underage person, not just the store

ElizabethHoover · 26/04/2015 15:20

lol at 'clerk'

Original poster
NoPillows · 26/04/2015 16:25

chairmeoh ^Once you've made your call to the store, will you be happy to leave them to deal with it as they see fit? Or will you be demanding that they let you know when and how it has been handled?
I only ask because you are coming across as the sort who would revel in knowing how your 'pound of flesh' has een meted out.
FWIW, I would have thought you were being reasonable if you'd simply mentioned it to a duty manager while you were there today, but I do think YABU to have stewed on it and taken it so far.^

Nope, I left the issue with the supervising manager when I rang. I'm not a total miserable git. I asked him not to report it further above but just to let the sales assistant know that some customers may not appreciate his brand of humour and there was no need for the amateur dramatics.

Kali He could also face a fine if he is caught selling to an underage person, not just the store

I have said it a million times and even addressed you when I initially said it! I knew that. I fully understood and respected that. What I didn't bargain for was a 10 minute speech on my date of birth and hairstyles. As you very rightly point out, he could have faced a fine if caught selling to an underage person. So the best thing he could have done was to say "Nope, not selling to you" I'd have left and the world would have continued to turn. There was no need for the extras. HTH

Ninja I used to live and work up North. Am afraid I didn't suffer from a sense of humour failure. I'm glad you find his behaviour so amusing! Good for you.

OP posts:
popalot · 26/04/2015 16:41

I'd complain. There was something wrong if you felt humiliated and even his colleague had to tell him to stop. I've worked in shops and the ID situation goes 'have you got any id?', check id, either ok it or ask for supervisor. No need for an interrogation about hair. This sounds like some bloke enjoying the whole thing a bit too much. And I don't think shop assistants should flirt with customers, it's creepy imo.

So I would complain. The flack you've had probably comes from the fact that some people haven't been in such a weird situation and don't quite understand what it might feel like. Don't worry about that. No-one would have found it funny. You're probably not the only woman he's done it to and you're doing everyone a favour by reporting it.

Original poster
NoPillows · 26/04/2015 17:09

Thanks pop That is exactly the point I've been trying to stress.

Apologies for my italics fail. I was trying to respond to the earlier comment made by chairmeoh

OP posts:
kali110 · 26/04/2015 17:19

Was just pointing it out as you stated the store would be fined and he would be reprimanded.
Still don't see he didn't anything wrong.
It's his job to check the id is you.
Agree a poster above who saud if he just denied you you probably would have made a complaint anyway.
He may have been a bit heavy handed but he i don't think he was rude to you, he did apologise.
I even understand how annoying it is.
Im over 30 and still get asked for id.

popalot · 26/04/2015 17:24

But he didn't just ask for id. He made her stand there for 10 minutes whilst he talked about her hair and how she looked different to the picture etc etc. It wasn't a normal id check. It's very odd. Never in my working in a shop for years and being a supervisor have I ever seen anyone treat a customer like that. If I had they wouldn't have lasted long on the checkouts. Has anyone seriously had this happen to them/seen it happen to someone else/done this as a shop assistant?!

Writerwannabe83 · 26/04/2015 17:45

I'm sorry you felt embarrassed OP but it does seem like a complete over reaction Grin

At least it's given me a giggle. I think the "Stop buying alcohol and cigarettes then and you won't have this problem" has been one of my favourite responses Grin

I feel pretty bad for the guy though and I hope he isn't given a hard time.

Original poster
NoPillows · 26/04/2015 17:56

kali Much like my responses on this thread your post is full of typos so I'm going to assume that you're firmly in the IWBU camp. Fine.

I agree it is his job to check my ID, infact their policy is 'Think 25' and if in any doubt call a manager. All that is fine with me. However, he stood there humiliating me, asking me if I was sure it was me, asking about the fact that my hair is down and announcing my year of birth loudly while still holding my license near my head to check it and then look back at me.

I would have been happy for him to just tell me that he didn't think it was me or he wouldn't accept the license (or any variation), and I'd have said 'Ok' and been on my merry way. There was fundamentally no need for his behaviour. Even if he was being funny then he chose the wrong person because I don't take kindly to being treated like that. The people in the queue were even laughing!

As I said even in my OP, he was not at liberty to sell me anything so just be done with and say 'no'. The poster who you agree with r.e. if he'd denied me, I'd probably have made a complaint. Well I would have Smile and you know what, Id have been happy to receive an apology when my ID had been found to be valid but I'd still respect the fact the the assistant was being diligent rather than selling me cigarettes with a fake ID which would have landed him in hot water. As I told that poster, it's much better for all involved if the sales assistant is diligent, otherwise they and the store are at risk so in that instance I'd have been fine with it. What I was not fine with was the 10 minutes of questioning. It could have been done with in 10 seconds: "No, I don't accept this ID." And that would have been the end of it! He is very much in the right to adopt this approach.

I don't think any of my posts will convince you otherwise, but I do genuinely hope that you are never humiliated in a shop or by someone who could have quite easily dealt with things in the way they were trained to do so.

OP posts:
TheWildRumpyPumpus · 26/04/2015 18:27

10 minutes? Really? With a queue of people ever building behind you?

I imagine you are over-estimating this somewhat.

Writerwannabe83 · 26/04/2015 18:32

So do I Grin

There's no way someone can look at a photo, question someone's hair and it take a whole 10 minutes Grin

NadiaWadia · 26/04/2015 18:47

He's not a 'Store Clerk' - he's a shop assistant. Unless you are in North America.