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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect child next door not to run, bang and scream all night and keep us all awake?

157 replies

Jaleh · 24/04/2015 13:33

I'm at end of tether! We moved into our 2-bedroom flat 7 weeks ago, it's 12-months contract so can't move again just yet.
I run my business from home. DH gets up 6am for work but none of us can sleep much because selfish NDN don't control their child!

NDN have child he is about 2 or 3. He sleeps until middle of every day (blissful silence until then) but then he is screaming, shouting, tantruming and running stomping in their flat, noise doesn't stop until approx 3am. He is very very loud and walls are very very thin and floors are wooden so even gentle footsteps make loud echo. In daytime it's maddening because I'm trying to work. I can't hear clients on phone in my bedroom (furthest room from party-wall) and they say they can hear him down phone! I wear earplugs all day but they just muffle noise so it's still big problem to concentrate. Can't wear them at night as I need to hear my own DC if get up or call for me.

Me, DH and our DC are waking 5-6 times a night, often noise is so bad we can't return to sleep for hours. Just when it becomes quiet, he starts screaming and running again. Sounds like he is running wall-wall screaming at same time, slamming himself into party-wall. He also hits party-wall with toys and bangs on walls and floor all night.

When I knock on their door no-one ever answers, even when I know they are at home and I knock many times. So 2 weeks ago I wrote a polite message and put it under their door but nothing is different and they don't acknowledge message.

AIBU to think it is very very wrong to allow child to behave like this? My DC never banged on walls in night, never allowed to run about in night. It is a block of flats not a playground!! What can I do?

OP posts:
DamnBamboo · 25/04/2015 02:28

Still not getting why this is true. I mean it isn't desirable that anyone be subjected to noise intrusion night after night. But there are several people on here who have said their own children cause them this problem. Why is it acceptable that they put up with it and not acceptable that any one else does?

WTF? What a ridiculous thing to say. You expect to be disturbed by your own children. You had them, they live with you, they are your responsibility! It is not acceptable that somebody else is continually disturbed, night after night. What about the OPs children?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/04/2015 06:22

Mrsbob I think samcro meant that SEN and SN are different things :)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/04/2015 06:23

Coola I totally agree.

Mrsbobdylan · 25/04/2015 07:32

Ah, sorry samcro twas late and I miss read your post.

zazzie · 25/04/2015 08:12

Dieu, when a child with severe sn is doing this, they are not doing this to be naughty. They are not choosing to do it. It is like a compulsion. People who see it as bad behaviour don't understand low functioning autism.

shrunkenhead · 25/04/2015 08:32

If no one is answering the door it's fair to assume the child is on its own so you'd be quite reasonable to phone SS.

AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore · 25/04/2015 08:47

No if nobody answers the door the parent may be too busy trying to deal with the child to answer the door. I wouldn't go answer the door while my child was in meltdown. His safety is top priority not the door.

Bogeyface · 25/04/2015 08:50

I find it very hard to believe that the parents is having to deal with this for what..... 15 hours? Without a single break? No child can physically melt down for 15 hours solid, they would be ill.

When do they go to the loo? Prepare meals?

No I dont buy it. Far more likely that this child is being allowed to run riot by parents who dont care about the effect on their neighbours, than SN.

They are not answering the door because they dont want to, or an adult is not there to do it.

Bogeyface · 25/04/2015 08:51

parent is or parents are....

26Point2Miles · 25/04/2015 08:58

Op hinted that parents may have deliberately put the child into a night shift workers 'hours' so they all sleep together

That is worrying!

Stampysladygarden · 25/04/2015 09:18

I would carefully check your tenancy agreement before your next course of action. Many specifically say you can't use the property to run a business. I know mine does. And they could say it's you breaching your tenancy agreement.

base9 · 25/04/2015 09:31

OP, as a few posters have mentioned, the letting agents are very much at fault here. If one already admitted another tenant complained about the noise, then they knew this problem existed but let the flat to you with no word of warning. I would be on the phone to them daily until they restored peace and quiet or let you out of your contract and you moved. I would repost in legal to find out your rights. I imagine CAB could advise you. I would hope you could threaten the letting agents and landlord with legal action if they do not allow you to move. It is awful that they would let a flat to an unsuspecting family, knowing full well that it would destroy your sleep, and then hold you to ransom for a year.

Dieu · 25/04/2015 10:10

SN or not, they ought to have communicated with their neighbours by now.

Alconleigh · 25/04/2015 10:20

I used to live in the flat opposite a family who had a boy who was about 7 who had severe autism. He was non verbal, but screamed, moaned, ran up and down a lot. Occasionally at 4.30 or 5am. I think previous occupants must have complained as his mother used to apologise a lot to me when I first moved in. My main reaction though was "Jesus, you live with it all the time, don't worry about me" (not that I said that to her of course, that would be really crass) and feeling sorry for her. In that case though, I knew what the issue was, I saw the child regularly and would say hello to him and his mum, and it wasn't all the time. The constant nature off this does sound more like something else going on.

AuntyMag10 · 25/04/2015 11:10

That sounds more plausible Bogeyface.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/04/2015 11:15

To someone who doesn't understand the other side maybe.

Plus he doesn't meltdown for 15 hours

Bogeyface · 25/04/2015 11:37

I understand the otherside very well thank you, I wish I didnt.

He gets up at lunchtime so say Noon and is up until 3am. Thats 15 hours and the noise is constant according to the OP.

Every single day.

A PP said that they couldnt answer the door because of dealing with this "meltdown". For 15 hours solid they cant answer the door? No, sorry but no.

They are not answering because they dont want to, and dont care.

Why is it so hard to accept that on balance of probabilities this is a child that has been allowed to run feral with no control from the parents. Its a far more likely scenario than 15 hour meltdowns on a daily basis.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 25/04/2015 11:52

Not really.

TenerifeSea · 25/04/2015 11:54

I think it's always helpful to consider the other side but people here are making assumptions about this family that they could not possibly know and taking personal offence on their behalf.

The parents have behaved poorly. It doesn't take much to pop a note in or knock on the door of your neighbour to let them know you're trying to deal with the noise and that you're sorry it is affecting others. Even if it's not their fault, as such, an apology wouldn't go amiss. I don't think it's fair to say "maybe they couldn't answer the door" because they're dealing with the child. They don't have a few minutes to write a note? Bullshit.

Strawberyshortcake · 25/04/2015 11:57

This definitely isn't normal behaviour, it's pretty obvious the child has SN's. I'm sure they are doing everything they can, but there's actually not much u can do when your child does this tbh. Maybe have a chat to the neighbours and see if maybe they could sort something out which would make it less stressful for u (OP). Maybe swapping bedrooms, or seeing if they could maybe get funding for some padding on the wall so the noise isn't as bad. My sympathies lie with your neighbours though tbh, they are clearly going through a horrendous time.

deedee33 · 25/04/2015 13:00

Agree that quite possibly ndn parents are having tough time, this child's behavior or issues probably affect a lot of people. Family seem to me to need help but op not really in position to find out / do much about that.

I wonder if the landlord could rehouse the noisy household somewhere more solid, pre-soundproofed - even detached.

Other help seems to be needed too but op at least has ability to speak to landlord. Agree that they can't just keep reletting this flat, if its not op will be the next people being disturbed

Brandysnapper · 25/04/2015 13:04

If it is true that a someone enters and leaves the house in time with the child's awake period, then there is something going on other than/in addition to the child having special needs.

WizardofSnoz · 25/04/2015 13:39

I agree with Bogey. The not answering the door thing makes it appear there is something more sinister going on here and I really think that SS should be contacted.

Something a lot of people don't seem to be considering as well is that having a child with SN doesn't automatically make you a good parent.

It's perfectly possible that the child has special needs AND he has bad parents who are not looking after him properly. I expect that may well be the case here. If they are just struggling SS could potentially offer support.

I suspect from the sound of things that there could be some kind of substance abuse problem going on, from not answering the door, people coming in and out and the strange hours that they keep.

But I don't think that we should assume that the child having SN and the parents not being very good or caring should be mutually exclusive.

WizardofSnoz · 25/04/2015 13:41

Also the fact the letting agent has spoken to them but didn't have an explanation. It sounds odd.

zazzie · 25/04/2015 13:42

It probably isn't for 15 hours solid but it may feel like it. As for getting other stuff done, well sometimes you have to leave them to kick, scream etc.