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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect child next door not to run, bang and scream all night and keep us all awake?

157 replies

Jaleh · 24/04/2015 13:33

I'm at end of tether! We moved into our 2-bedroom flat 7 weeks ago, it's 12-months contract so can't move again just yet.
I run my business from home. DH gets up 6am for work but none of us can sleep much because selfish NDN don't control their child!

NDN have child he is about 2 or 3. He sleeps until middle of every day (blissful silence until then) but then he is screaming, shouting, tantruming and running stomping in their flat, noise doesn't stop until approx 3am. He is very very loud and walls are very very thin and floors are wooden so even gentle footsteps make loud echo. In daytime it's maddening because I'm trying to work. I can't hear clients on phone in my bedroom (furthest room from party-wall) and they say they can hear him down phone! I wear earplugs all day but they just muffle noise so it's still big problem to concentrate. Can't wear them at night as I need to hear my own DC if get up or call for me.

Me, DH and our DC are waking 5-6 times a night, often noise is so bad we can't return to sleep for hours. Just when it becomes quiet, he starts screaming and running again. Sounds like he is running wall-wall screaming at same time, slamming himself into party-wall. He also hits party-wall with toys and bangs on walls and floor all night.

When I knock on their door no-one ever answers, even when I know they are at home and I knock many times. So 2 weeks ago I wrote a polite message and put it under their door but nothing is different and they don't acknowledge message.

AIBU to think it is very very wrong to allow child to behave like this? My DC never banged on walls in night, never allowed to run about in night. It is a block of flats not a playground!! What can I do?

OP posts:

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 13:36

You make sure they understand that this is causing you problems.
Clearly this is not a normal sleep-wake cycle and there is no harm in just saying, look this is causing me problems.

You are tennants I see? Does your neighbour have the same LL? If so, have a word with them - there is not much else you can do if they won't open the door or respond to the letters you write.

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 13:36

need to make sure

orangepudding · 24/04/2015 13:37

This isn't normal behaviour. I would assume the parents are at the end of their tether too.

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 13:38

Do you go round as the noise is happening?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 24/04/2015 13:39

It doesn't sound like much fun for them either. Presumably if they could magic up a little angel who slept 7-7 reliably then that would make their lives easier. I do think it's rude of them to ignore your note. Now they know you're being disturbed they ought to explain what's going on and what they're trying/have tried to do about it.

Artandco · 24/04/2015 13:39

Can you rearrange furniture to help reduce noise? Move wardrobes or large bookcases to the wall that adjoins. It will help a little at noise muffled by clothing and books

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2015 13:43

YANBU

I love my next door neighbours dearly but they're into some sort of natural consequence parenting I think, although in their culture it's probably just called parenting.

This means the kids can fall asleep whenever they want to. They eat whenever they want to and if they want to scream/jump/laugh/cry they just do it.

This means the kids are often screaming all day/night (often with laughter). They can be heard kicking a ball up and down their lounge as late as 2am.

It seems to work for them though, and they're a really lovely family. However I have no clue how they all manage to function each day at work and school (kids are aged 5 and 8).

They do leave the walls alone though, since the neighbour on the other side complained politely.

I have no advice, just lots of empathy

balletnotlacrosse · 24/04/2015 13:43

Even if the parents are 'at the end of their tether' it doesn't excuse not answering knocks on the door and ignoring a polite note from their neighbour.

ThereIsIron · 24/04/2015 13:45

Sounds like you'd be best moving again.

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 13:45

But worra that is anti-social behaviour!

Clearly they're not lovely if this kind of thing persists and disrupts the neighbours! That's actually rather selfish. I would not tolerate loud noise, consistently, night in, night out at 2am. Nobody should have to.

zazzie · 24/04/2015 13:46

Ds, much older than this, makes a lot of noise during the night although we have gone to great lengths to minimise as much as we can. He has severe learning difficulties and autism.

balletnotlacrosse · 24/04/2015 13:47

I agree. No matter how lovely the family are, their behaviour is really inconsiderate. I would go mad if I was living next to them.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2015 13:47

They are lovely.

I'm quite sure if it bothered us enough to complain, they'd do something about it. Just as they did when the neighbours on the other side, complained about the kids banging their feet on the wall during the night.

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 13:49

Well if you're ok about noise at 2am all the time, I guess there is no problem. You are very tolerant! Lucky them.

Unfortunately the OP is not ok with it and whilst the parents of this child may well be at the end of their tether too, I don't see that that should excuse the fact that the OPs life (and if this continunes indefinitely, probably health) is being affected.

WorraLiberty · 24/04/2015 13:51

I agree. It's not ok if it's affecting the OP and her home life.

zazzie · 24/04/2015 14:00

I do agree it sounds like there is more they could do to reduce the noise but sometimes it isn't as simple as not allowing a child to make a noise.

Quitelikely · 24/04/2015 14:00

I'm always sympathetic when there's noise in flats from children however your situation is extreme.

I don't think it's normal at all and if the child has special needs well then I don't think you can do anything.

If the child does not have special needs then you need to look into complaining about this because no child should be awake at that time of the morning for no good reason as how they would function during the day is baffling!

Look at your tenancy closely, you are being subjected to something that is seriously affecting your life. Is there no get out clause?

DamnBamboo · 24/04/2015 14:06

I do agree it sounds like there is more they could do to reduce the noise but sometimes it isn't as simple as not allowing a child to make a noise

Nobody is saying it is. It's about a reasonable level of noise, at reasonable times and that's not what the OP is dealing with.

Brandysnapper · 24/04/2015 14:07

It is possible that it is the parents who want to be up till the middle of the night, and then sleep all morning. Which isn't fair on the child. It might be the child who has chosen this routine (most likely imo), but it could be the parents and be connected to neglect.
Presumbaly though the OP doesn't need to wear ear plugs "all day" though as there is silence till noon-ish.

Bogeyface · 24/04/2015 14:08

Doesnt sound like special needs to me, sounds like crap parenting. The child does sleep well from what the OP has said, 3 am to lunchtime is a good long sleep, he just needs it re-timing to say 9pm til 6am.

If they are also tenants with the same LL as you then I would agree with complaining to the LL. If not then give your local council a ring and see if they can help you.

balletnotlacrosse · 24/04/2015 14:09

The fact that the parents won't even engage with the neighbours automatically puts them in the wrong.

littlemslazybones · 24/04/2015 14:14

Why don't you hammer like hell on their door at 6am each morning for a few weeks and rest his sleep schedule?

littlemslazybones · 24/04/2015 14:14

Rest= reset

Bogeyface · 24/04/2015 14:16

I agree ballet

Even if it was connected to special needs, they very least they should be doing is talking to the OP and explaining, but they are not even doing that.

WaddaLegend · 24/04/2015 14:18

I'm in a similar situation, living in a block of flats with extremely noisy neighbours directly above us. There are two older children living there with their father and it really is a ridiculous amount of banging that goes on, if it's not stampeding around from room to room, it's banging repeatly on the floor for a stupidly long time or stamping feet and screaming tantrums. The floor/ceilings aren't exactly very thin either so the loudness of it just isn't normal and there must be quite some effort being put into it! It's not just the children either, the father can be heard shouting and swearing at the kids (and the kids swearing back at him) they also shout out of the windows play loud music and turn their tv up extremely loud to the point that I can hear exactly watch they're watching or listening to until the early hours of the morning and then waking up stomping around and shouting at 6am.. It's been going on so long now, i have no advice for you but lots of sympathy and if it helps you feel better there are people out there in the same boat who know how horrible it is.

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