to want to go home to a tidy house?

[GoadyFuckAaargh]

I work ft. we have 4 dc. dp is sahd although two eldest in school and two youngest in nursery until 1pm.

I go home on lunch every day (its only two mins away) and for the past 3 days the place has been a shithole.
no dishes done, cushions discarded on floor from kids playing in morning, just random bits and bobs strewn everywhere, blinds closed and dp sat with his feet up watching a movie.

once in a while is ok. but ffs 3 days in a row!
I am so pissed off, I told him so then left immediately to come back to work.

I do my fair share when I get home from work (in fact responsibility falls on me when I get home)

dp is generally good in that he does laundry, irons etc

but three days in a row to go home at lunch to the bombsite it was left in.

his response: will do it after I pick up kids.

oh yeah, just shunt the kids upstairs to watch tv while you tidy the house. why not do it before they get home so that you can actually do something nice with them (like we originally discussed when agreeing to this plan)

AIBU to be so pissed off and to have walked straight back out?

I love the idea of seeing a pool of dog pee and saying to oneself "I'll just save that for the afternoon when the little ones are home". Chancer.

Of course, I'm probably biased, as DH was a SAHD with DC1. I would not have been impressed in a similar situation either.

Well I wouldn't have been impressed if I was a SAHP and DH came home every lunch time and assessed whether I had used my time in the morning effectively. I don't think that many SAHM would put up with that and it's interesting to see that women who work seem to think it is okay for them to do it if their partner is a SAHD.

I doubt that OP's DP knew there was dog pee (unless he is really disgusting and OP hasn't mentioned that he is).

Yes, I have read threads where women have been told that they should not do anything at home and if DH says something, LTB. If both partners are happy with this, no problem (OP does not seem too happy though). In our case, if DH had DC in childcare and couldn't even bother to put away breakfast stuff by the time I got home, but spent his time watching TV, I would have not considered this a fair arrangement any more.

Sahm to 4 here. 3 at school, 1 in nursery 2 school days. Id be incredibly pissed off is dh started dictating what I should be doing. As long as basics are done and dcs clean and fed.....

Yanbu - if you work all day he had to take on some of the domestic responsibilities like cooking and cleaning otherwise you are supporting his permanent holiday. I dunno how you change his behaviour though

Yes, I have read threads where women have been told that they should not do anything at home and if DH says something, LTB.

That is rubbish. Nobody ever says that SAHM should not to anything at home and should LTB if their DH's complain. I think that many people would be outraged though if a SAHM who normally kept the house clean and tidy got a lot of grief from their DH because they had decided to something other than housework one morning or even three mornings in a row, particularly if they intended to do the housework in the afternoon instead.

maroon wouldn't you consider cleaning up after breakfast and dog accidents basics?

Dog mess of course, sometimes I tidy breakfast stuff later on.

Well I wouldn't have been impressed if I was a SAHP and DH came home every lunch time and assessed whether I had used my time in the morning effectively.

This is not about an assessment of his time management.

It's just really fucking bad manners to let someone go out to work to support your family (most of which are you children, and not hers) and sit on your arse for four solid hours watching TV and not even tidy up the breakfast dishes before she comes home for lunch.

There is a level of disrespect in that level of slovenliness that it is very hard to imagine many women adopting or many men accepting, for one day. Never mind three on the trot.

It sounds like this guy just is a massive pisstaker at the best of times anyway with the OP using a fortnight of her annual leave to act as SAHM so he can do his hobby, and the full weekends he spends on his hobby while the OP minds his children.

He's fallen on his feet here, and no mistake.

And I'm a lazy, inefficient, slovenly bitch, but I would be ashamed to treat DH the way this man treats you.

He pushed it as far as he could and now he's all "oh so sorry".

But he chose to sit there in a pissy, messy house until you came home and he did that because ultimately he thinks it's OK.

This is not about an assessment of his time management.

Yes it is actually as PP is happy about the quantity of housework he does in general. She just wasn't happy about the timing of it for three days.

I sometimes don't do the breakfast dishes in the morning on my day off. I might go to the shops or swimming instead and do housework in the afternoon. I would be seriously pissed off if DH came home at lunchtime and had a go at me about it as if he is the boss.

He's taking the piss. You go to work to earn all the money for the family, his job is to take care of the kids and keep the house to a basic acceptable level.

Who gets a four hour break in their day if they work outside the home?

If you know your husband is coming home for lunch, and if the reason he is coming home is to make your life easier, and you let him walk into a filthy house with piss on the floor and breakfast stuff lying around, then you are a lazy, inconsiderate bitch.

I don't believe for a minute you would do that.

Reversing the genders here doesn't work, because vanishingly few people socialised as women see men as a resource to be exploited, but clearly this fucker is quite happy to use his partner to make sure he has a very, very easy life for a single father of 3 young children.

The amount of telly watching and hobby time he has is mind blowing to me. And he doesn't even need to work - just find a high earning girlfriend with only one child who expects very little. And then don't even do that and see how long you get away with it for before she finally says something.

Then be all sorry.

Boundaries are being pushed here, OP.

Do you really think it is right that your only child has to share your attention with three other children so that her mother's boyfriend can do his hobby?

I think it is fine,YABU. He is not a servant. It is his home too. If he wants to take some time for himself in the morning that is fine.

If he started a row about how much you earnt, or spent - would that be ok?

I often take my time for myself in the morning on the days I don't goout to work. Just me.

Discuss the hosuework/money/childcare but don't treat a grown man in his own home like a substandard domestic skivvy

Ha!

Mr Funtimes is very much not the substandard skivvy in this relationship.

If you know your husband is coming home for lunch, and if the reason he is coming home is to make your life easier, and you let him walk into a filthy house with piss on the floor and breakfast stuff lying around, then you are a lazy, inconsiderate bitch.

Seriously? So if my husband comes home for his lunch on my day off and I haven't washed the breakfast dishes that morning, I am a lazy inconsiderate bitch? Nice..

It's not his "day off"!

He's (supposedly) a SAHP.

That is a working role within the family, not a person who gets like ads of extra days off for watching TV.

And the breakfast things weren't just not washed, they were just left all over the place.

Tidying up after a meal takes five or ten minutes. To leave them all out so someone else comes home from work and can't have their lunch without clearing up after breakfast is so obnoxious.

Jesus, I thought I was lazy. Fuck me, some of you must live in truly revolting pigsties if this is even remotely OK.

BathtimeFunkster so it's alright for people with paid jobs to not wash dishes immediately when they are at home all day but SAHP must always wash dishes immediately?

I am also interested in the idea that OP going home for lunch makes life easier for he DP. Certainly if I was OP's DP I would prefer it if she stayed at work and didn't come home for lunch to tell me what I should and shouldn't be doing.

He had four hours in which to tidy away the breakfast things.

Not wash up.

Not do any arduous or difficult tasks.

Just clear up and wipe some surfaces.

And he didn't bother his arse.

That is the equivalent of taking a big dirty shite in the toilet and just not bothering to flush it.

Nobody who felt in any way of inferior status would leave mess like that for someone else to clear up when they got home from work.

OP said earlier that she makes both of them lunch when she goes home.

She goes home for lunch to leave Mr Funtimes the car.

Maybe you should actually read the thread.

You appear to be talking about an entirely different situation that you invented.

Although given that you think men who don't have jobs should still be catered to hand and foot by women, perhaps you think the OP should post the keys through the letterbox and not bother the man who is having a "day off" on her dime.

Mumsnet double standards at work again!If it were a husband complaining about his DW being lazy because he comes home to an untidy house, folks would be baying for his blood!

Nope, neither man nor woman should get 12 hours off to laze about while their partner is at work all week. What kind of work ethic do some people have?