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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to go home to a tidy house?

197 replies

GoadyFuckAaargh · 24/04/2015 12:54

I work ft. we have 4 dc. dp is sahd although two eldest in school and two youngest in nursery until 1pm.

I go home on lunch every day (its only two mins away) and for the past 3 days the place has been a shithole.
no dishes done, cushions discarded on floor from kids playing in morning, just random bits and bobs strewn everywhere, blinds closed and dp sat with his feet up watching a movie.

once in a while is ok. but ffs 3 days in a row!
I am so pissed off, I told him so then left immediately to come back to work.

I do my fair share when I get home from work (in fact responsibility falls on me when I get home)

dp is generally good in that he does laundry, irons etc

but three days in a row to go home at lunch to the bombsite it was left in.

his response: will do it after I pick up kids.

oh yeah, just shunt the kids upstairs to watch tv while you tidy the house. why not do it before they get home so that you can actually do something nice with them (like we originally discussed when agreeing to this plan)

AIBU to be so pissed off and to have walked straight back out?

OP posts:
keepsmiling2015 · 24/04/2015 20:17

They should be thought of as crap and shite and lazy.

WOW!!

TheAuthoress · 24/04/2015 20:20

Two in school and two in nursery until 1pm......he should be doing ALL the housework and still have relaxation time. YANBU.

Autumndays14 · 24/04/2015 20:23

Gosh, I don't think he sounds bad at all! As long as it gets done, then who cares what time it's done? I tidy for the evening and not during the day as I just end up tidying the same stuff over and over. As others have said, if a man wrote that about a SAHM everyone would be up in arms calling him controlling and saying he didn't understand the pressures of being at home etc. sounds like you resent him not working to me - could that be it?

HazleNutt · 24/04/2015 20:26

there was dog piss on the floor and he was sitting watching TV. how can this be not so bad?

Autumndays14 · 24/04/2015 20:33

I forgot about the wee. The rest though sounds normal!

WizardofSnoz · 24/04/2015 20:35

Does he know what time you are coming home? Is it a regular time? Or do you just pop in at random times and expect him to have it perfect whenever you get there?

expatinscotland · 24/04/2015 20:36

'As long as it gets done, then who cares what time it's done?'

Because he plonks the kids in front of the telly instead of engaging with them and tidies rather than doing it in the hours he has childfree.

And putting your feet on the sofa cushions all over the floor, dog wee, etc.?

Fucking lazy. I'd say that about a SAHM, too.

ZenNudist · 24/04/2015 20:47

Doesn't sound good. He needs to clean and tidy whilst the dc are at nursery and engage with then after school: trips to park, play dates with friends, playing with them in garden or indoors, helping with home work and reading. You shouldn't have to clean the sodding bathrooms etc when you get home. If he sorts the house and you sort the bills then any tidying and parenting is both your responsibility when you get home.

What work could he feasibly get? It doesn't seem fair you bankrolling him to care for 3dc if his own and your own. Where is the ex in all this?

Also don't quite get the ages of your dc/dsc.

WizardofSnoz · 24/04/2015 20:54

This is VERY interesting though. On that thread the other day where a woman secretly hired a cleaner because she didn't want to do any housework on her days off a lot of people were arguing that if a woman didn't like housework then a cleaner should be funded and she shouldn't have to fit in with her partners higher standards.

It's interesting the way things reverse on here when you reverse the sexes (although I note there were dissenting voices on each thread).

Dog wee on the floor is bad though, but occasionally you can not notice or just leave it for five minutes while what you're watching finishes.

I can't say I think that a SAHM complaining that her husband came home at their lunchtime and complained if everything wasn't perfected and demanded that she organised her childcare and housework as he saw fit would be told she WBU....

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 24/04/2015 21:08

goady I wouldn't out up with the mess you describe. Your OH in just lazy. Poor dog must have been really desperate to wee in the house unless it's a puppy. Does your OH not walk to dog when the children are at school/nursery?

Almostfifty · 24/04/2015 21:22

I had four children. I did it all, all the washing, ironing, cleaning, looking after the children. My husband worked all the hours he could to ensure I didn't have to work.

He came home from work and mucked in every night. We sat down once they were all in bed.

I wouldn't have dreamt of sitting watching tv, in fact I would never have had time. I used to tear around when they were asleep so I could do stuff with them when they were awake.

Your husband is taking the piss. If he's at home and the children are out all morning, he's time to do it all. Stop doing any housework.

Chunkymonkey79 · 25/04/2015 07:52

I am a sahp. My dp works ft.

In the morning once we are dressed I make beds, open blinds, clean breakfast dishes, hang washing etc and have a basic tidy up.

During the course of the day i let kids get toys out and play, if it gets messy i leave it. Why bother if it will get messy again that same day? I then clean lunch dishes and do any other necessary every day chores.

By dinner (kids eat early separate to me and dp) everywhere can look like a bomb site. After they have eaten i wash up, put all toys away, run the hoover around and get started with baths.

By the time my dp gets home he would have no clue how messy and chaotic the house had been in the day. I think its only fair for him to come home to a tidy house so he can get on with spending time with the kids and not having to help clean up.

I guess i think yabu to expect it to be pristine at lunch time. I would be annoyed if my dp tried to dictate how the house is while he is at work just because he pops in for lunch sometimes.

Yanbu to expect to come home at the end of the day to the house in a reasonable state.

Meechimoo · 25/04/2015 07:59

unbelievable responses here which would be totally different if a man wrote it about his sahm wife......especially the poster who thinks it's a mortal sin to put the telly on instead of engaging with the kids and bad to put your feet on the sofa. Have my very first Biscuit

Totality22 · 25/04/2015 08:18

Meechimoo..... the sahp has 9am-1pm without children and appears to use this time to chill out, he then waits until children are home to do the bare minimum whilst kids watch tv. Are you saying you see no issue with this?

Sahp having a 4 hour 'break' everyday is one thing and a pisstake imo but to have a 4 hour break and then essentially ignore the kids when they get home to then do the chores is just insane.

BathtimeFunkster · 25/04/2015 08:22

unbelievable responses here which would be totally different if a man wrote it about his sahm wife...

Rubbish.

A woman who was sitting around watching films for four hours so that her breadwinning husband came back to a shit tip with dog piss on the floor would get her arse handed to her on here.

Meechimoo · 25/04/2015 08:23

Call me cynical totality but the OP's username says it all for me really....

chickenfuckingpox · 25/04/2015 08:28

if a woman was sitting on her ass all day doing fuck all people would not be saying she is depressed seriously waiting for the kids to get home before you tidy up is a stupid way of doing things the second i get my house to myself i tidy up hoover up then have time for me it does not take long less than an hour if i get the kids to help before they leave and the entire house is presentable

he needs to get a job if he is not sticking to the agreement

ffs he needs to get a grip

i want to shout at him now! Grin

chickenfuckingpox · 25/04/2015 08:30

i think to be honest people didn't read your update when you explain he is doing nothing for four hours when he has no children

op yanbu

Meechimoo · 25/04/2015 08:31

I recall GoadyFuckAaarghhs thread a couple of weeks back where you said he was 'pulling his weight around the house'
If that's the case, this surely must be a blip, an off day? Yes?

Original poster
GoadyFuckAaargh · 25/04/2015 08:46

Zen. whats not to get about the dc age? they are 3,4,5 and 7

my dd is 4 dsc are 3,5,7

also in response to the goadyfucker username. I namechanged during eatshitdereks suspension thread wherr there was talk of being called a goadyfucker.

dp does pull his weight generally. but I feel that he should be most pulling his weight when his dc are here...we have them one week on one week off. so in the weeks they are here I do not expect to be doing everything.. so sitting around in a shithole for three days in not acceptable in our relationship.

dp and I have discussed this and he agrees. blip or not, the bare minimum should still be done

OP posts:
Meechimoo · 25/04/2015 08:52

well if it's a blip and you've discussed it and he agrees, there's no problem is there?

BathtimeFunkster · 25/04/2015 08:57

There is a problem that he might ever imagine that a 3 day "blip" of sitting around watching films and leaving the house like a kip was acceptable in any way.

One of the reasons to have a SAHP for school age kids is so a parent is there to supervise homework etc.

If he's going to watch 12 hours of telly and then ignore the children when they come home from school, he is wasting the OP's efforts at work.

Original poster
GoadyFuckAaargh · 25/04/2015 08:57

meech. not any more thanks.

it was a problem yesterday. hence the thread. it's not anymore.

OP posts:
Meechimoo · 25/04/2015 08:59

Where was it stated that he watched 12 hours of telly?

AmarettoSour · 25/04/2015 09:00

Yes Meech but there was a problem with her DP not sticking to his side of the deal and leaving the house a shit tip in the first place Hmm

Glad you seem to have talked some sense into him OP!