to want to go home to a tidy house?

[GoadyFuckAaargh]

I work ft. we have 4 dc. dp is sahd although two eldest in school and two youngest in nursery until 1pm.

I go home on lunch every day (its only two mins away) and for the past 3 days the place has been a shithole.
no dishes done, cushions discarded on floor from kids playing in morning, just random bits and bobs strewn everywhere, blinds closed and dp sat with his feet up watching a movie.

once in a while is ok. but ffs 3 days in a row!
I am so pissed off, I told him so then left immediately to come back to work.

I do my fair share when I get home from work (in fact responsibility falls on me when I get home)

dp is generally good in that he does laundry, irons etc

but three days in a row to go home at lunch to the bombsite it was left in.

his response: will do it after I pick up kids.

oh yeah, just shunt the kids upstairs to watch tv while you tidy the house. why not do it before they get home so that you can actually do something nice with them (like we originally discussed when agreeing to this plan)

AIBU to be so pissed off and to have walked straight back out?

ok

Dear god. He landed on his feet with you! Get a cleaner -LOL! He is lazy. I would have zero respect for such a shirker. I'd put my child in childcare and tell him he gets a job in a month of we split. You are being taken for a mug.

why does it matter if the housework isn't done at lunchtime?

Because the person who is out working so that he can sit around watching films all day comes home for lunch, and she shouldn't have to walk into a dirty, messy kip when there have been no children there for hours.

I'd be telling him the deal was off and he was to get himself a job.

Let his laziness be somebody else's problem.

I could be your Dh

Some days I just really can't be arsed and it seems stupid and pointless to clear stuff away only for it to be trashed as soon as the DC get home so I settle down to MadMen and Mumsnetting.

On other days, I'm like a frigging ninja cleaner and nothing will stop me blasting the house from top to bottom with the 4dc cowering in corners in case they too get vacuumed/swept into black sacks/polished. I figure it evens itself out over time...

diddl. we have 4 dc (ages 3,4,5 and 7) a cat and a dog.
one bathroom, school run is 45 mins.
we are the 'rushing' family
kids make an awful mess, and the house is cramped.

it just gets messy

badroly you are probably right. it does even itself out over time

Eh? It's only three days! Can you come back and do this post when it's been three months, please?

You've just come back from holiday, right? And you go to work for a bit of a rest I'm guessing he doesn't feel good about not being on holiday any more, and is easing himself back to the grind.

Empathy. Try it!

Does it even itself out over time though Goady?

By the sounds of it the answer is no

The fact you have made previous posts shows this is an ongoing issue.

I cannot believe the dog piss? Seriously he let the dog piss on the floor AND LEFT IT?

That is disgusting!!! And shows a complete lack of respect for the home and for you (who I assume cleaned it up??)

It sounds like this wasn't a mutual decision. Who the fuck agrees the let their partner be a sahp who will do virtually nothing round the house when the kids are not there? Is this what you signed up for Goady???

I saw the thread title and thought 'no, so do I. That's why I go and visit my parents'. Im the one at home more (although neither kid is in school so no kid free time at home) and the desire for cleanliness is in constant battle with the desire for a rest!

OMG, Totality, I missed all that!

Ignore my previous post, OP.

Galrick. we didn't go on holiday. I was off work.

Yanbu. It sounds grim and I would be furious. There is a basic lack of something...pride? In sitting in a shit tip and watching tv. It's like a teenager. Leaving rubbish out on surfaces, dog piss on the floor etc - no, not ok. He should tidy up before lunch, absolutely.

If the house is permanently a shit hole then you have good reason to complain. YABU if the last three days are not usual though and you know he will tidy clean the mess in the near future. I personally could stand being married to someone who insisted that they should always come home to a tidy house though.

I feel your pain. I have this too. I work full time, do the shopping, cooking, ironing, bills, diaries, activity logistics, command centre stuff.

My DP works 20 hours a week (4 hours in the evenings), and is in college 2 days. He puts a wash on, mostly does dishes and mostly walks dogs.

This morning I was told he is so tired and grumpy because he has no help with the dogs.

I saw my arse. I am not proud of my sweary rant, but I am sick of the house being a shit tip and him watching Breaking Bad/playing on Dragon Age all day. Oh no wait, that's studying.

there are indeed plenty of things you could postpone and do whenever you feel like it. Sorting out the garage and similar. Leaving dog piss festering while you watch TV is not one of them, that must be the height of laziness.

Imagine the op was a man complaining about his wife and all the dadnetters were commenting about what a lazy arse and bad sahp she was

Leaving dog pee on the floor - I'd be threatening a divorce, frankly. It's an affront to decency.

Thing is keepsmiling if the OP's DH was a DW, it's the same situation: a SAHP taking the piss.

Any woman doing as the OP's DH is doing should be thought of as just as crap and shite and lazy tbh.

No ynbu my dh was like this when I was working and he wasn't. I would come home to dishes from the morning, mess every where and find he hadn't even thought about what we were having for dinner. I couldn't put up with that and made him go back to work. I was a sahm for just over 2 years and would make sure all house work was done. I have just gone back to work pt and I'm still doing most of the house work. Kick his backside

Sometimes the house is very tidy and sometimes it looks like a bomb has hit it.

But I tidy when I feel like and don't like being told what to do or when to do it.

On my day off this week, I sat down in a pigsty (mild mess really) and watched poldark. Then I tidied, washed, ironed etc. if DH had come home and told me off, I would have been well Narked!!

ok. so came home to spotless house and an apology.

I had the chance to calmly explain my POV so let's see...

I am the same as BadRoly!!! Ha ha.

Surely an advantage of being a SAHP is the autonomy, you can have a lazy day if you want to. But my understanding would be that you balance that out - basically, if you get enough stuff done, you could do it steadily over five days or more intensively over four, just get the job done.
At work I might put more hours in one day and fewer another - but there is no option for every day being a holiday! Not unless you are independently wealthy.

Hopefully he shape up now OP. YWNBU to be annoyed. I think your list is bloody easy and would take less than an hour- anything else is a bonus. Your older kids should be making their own beds though and picking up stuff in their own rooms.

As soon as my DC were at school/nursery I managed to do all the housework, a fair bit of painting and decorating and run a small business.

Once the youngest was a year old I went back to work part time.

My natural inclination is to be lazy - but responsible adults usually manage to overcome this tendency.

He does sound lazy IMO.