Who is BU over photos of kids?

[slithytove]

My sister takes a lot of photos of my kids, proper ones on film.

I asked her today if I could copy her negatives so I could have the photos too.

She said no, they were her property and special to her and she didn't just want to share them.

All true and fair I guess, but I feel a bit sad actually that there are pics I can't own (some have me in) or potentially even see. Some of these are photos I've asked her to take when my camera (digital) has been out of use.

My really petty side wants to prevent her taking photos of me and my children if she isn't willing to let me pay for a copy of the pics.

I feel a bit shit, who is bu?

I read this thread when it first happened, even more with the update!

I have visions of all of your friends turning up and taking pictures with cameras and phones, some recording, surrounding her stall...then hiding their cameras "what photos??"

Ok, just back from grandads birthday, all very uneventful really!

She didn't bring a camera. She did however use her phone to take a video of DH with DD, which made him very uncomfortable as he isn't the most confident at the best of times.

She did give grandad a photo as a gift, and it was terrible! The most unflattering photo of my mum, his middle daughter. Plus a weird subject to my mind.

Other than that, it was awkward, but nothing happened. She attempted to assert her authority over the kids a few times which I found odd.

Hope I haven't disappointed! I'm trying to find the one physical photo she has ever given me so I can take a pic of it for here :)

Slithy I'm kinda disappointed I was hoping for something juicy

So. In some attempt to prove how wrong I am, my sister has sent me an exchange of messages between her and my mum.

The story is based from her perspective, as it would be, but it's my mums responses which hurt the most.

Including but not limited to

"She is the volatile one. Oh dear, and after you made her a framed photo too".

• I had called my sister volatile after she went off on her huge rant about me hating her. At no point did I even lose my temper, I was very calm about the whole thing. Have recently had counselling to help me deal with these sort of issues. Counsellor says that if someone is a negative influence in my life and I can't cope with it, it's ok to step back.

"It's extreme behaviours isn't it. I hope she raises it with that counsellor."

• this was in response to my sister announcing I've cut her out of my life. Which I haven't done, I saw her the other day. I just don't want to pursue an individual relationship with someone who thinks I hate her plus everything else she said. I can't see how that makes me extreme or wrong. Plus as above, counsellor is supportive.

"She will use your camera against you now"
"She is probably in the middle of some argument elsewhere right now with someone else I'm guessing and taking it out on you"

• I was on holiday, having a great time. Only resentment was her intrusion to tell me how much I hate her.

"It's so stupid of her. She is odd yes?"
"She will end up teaching the children these behaviours then she will have to unravel"
"If she talks to me about this I will suggest she talks to her counsellor. The counsellor will put her right!"

• well, no. Plus mum has shut me down every time I've mentioned it. She doesn't even know about the hate speech, or the fuck off speech. Doesn't know that my sister said she basically couldn't see the kids without taking photos.

"She is not doing the best for her family"
"Her husband is onside and so she is behaving worse"

• yes, DH is pretty unimpressed with the behaviours and some of the things which have been said.

"I have pics of the kids to give you so don't worry. I'm their nan so they are MINE"

So. I feel like utter, utter shit. And so pissed off, because when this all started when I was on holiday, we had come to a sort of resolution that we would just conduct the relationship away from the camera.

It was only when she went on her mad rant I withdrew.
And I feel my mum clearly does a lot of damage towards the way I am perceived in the family. The stuff my sister was saying was just vile, and mum was agreeing with every single word.

I feel so angry. That this is all so unjust.

Why would my mum not even enter into discussion with me, yet happily bitch with my sister for a good long session?

My mum is constantly staying at mine, constantly uses me to help her, yet it seems she doesn't even like me at all.

One of the things my sister said has really bothered me. She told my mum that she and my brother had been discussing it, and he told sister that he was scared I'd cut him out of the kids lives.

The conversation was one my brother and I had had where he was criticising our dad and saying he was never going to see him again. I said that's his choice but when it comes to family events, I was always going to prioritise my parents over him or sister.

Both my sister and brother have threatened to go no contact with dad. Said this to my mum. I feel like they are compete hypocrites and so hard done by. I will reiterate, I've never suggested no contact with my sister, just that we keep our distance till she figures out these feelings that I hate her.

Very sorry to hear your family is still causing trouble

I'd keep away from the lot of them.

Hi OP, been watching your thread but first time posting on it.
Are you sure it's not your sister saying your mum said these things to stir/ cause trouble or try and create a rift?? By the sounds of it, it does sound like something she might do.

at your mum! But I suspect your sister shared that to get precisely this reaction from you and perhaps to try and drive a wedge.

YANBU to feel angry but YABU to feel like utter s**t. You have done nothing wrong here.

I would avoid the options of ignoring/saying nothing about it OR tempting as it probably is, having a bit of a go at your mum (it's probably what your sister is aiming for). I do think you should have a discussion with your mother as this is far from decent behavior on her part.

I'd print a copy and hand it to her next time she is round and say nothing other than "Do you have anything to say about this?"
Then watch her squirm and make face prior to clearing the air.

If you cannot get her to sit down and engage in a sensible conversation I would be minimising the constantly staying at mine, constantly uses me to help her in a heartbeat. And next time she wanted something I'd be pointing her firmly in the direction of your barmy charming sister. But then again I am known to be a bit of a stroppy madame

Just read the whole thread slithy, this is awful for you and very nasty of your sister to send you text conversations between her and your Mum.

You have to make a decision now about speaking with your Mum about what she has said; she'll probably defend herself by saying it was to avoid a row and keeping your sister sweet.

I'd be livid with her, how will you handle this?

I can't believe your sister is still stirring up drama with all this - I know it's oh so easy for me to say sitting behind the keyboard but I'd be taking a step back from her and your mum right now.
My biggest problem is that I hate to lose and I hate to be misrepresented... however this means i get into arguments that I'm never going to win and that only end up making me feel bad in the long run because of the things that are said during them. I really don't think you can win this one, and you shouldn't be trying to either.

Fucking hell, what a pair of loons

Keep away from both of them. If your mum asks why, send her a copy of what your sister has sent you.

You really, really don't need shit like this in your life.

But for the love of all that's holy, keep your DC away from them. Your DC don't deserve to be subjected to this shit.

Oh shit slithy I can't believe your updates!

Your sister is a grade- A nutcase and I've said so from the beginning!

Your mum has also moved pretty far down the list of trustworthy people in your family- what a bitch!

The stall selling her photos is laughable as well.

Its a shame its coming to this but I would have to go NC with mum and sister for a while to cool down, they are both horrible.

I'm really disturbed by the obsession just about every member of your family seems to have with your kids as well, I would happily keep the kids away for at least a bit, just so you can foster some normality in their lives away from this mess.

My mum definitely said these things. They were screenshots of the iPad messages.

I feel like shit because my mum thinks bad of me. That I'm volatile and unreasonable. When she wont even listen to my side of things. I'm really questioning our relationship now.

She is staying here at the moment but leaving tonight for 3 weeks. Next meant to stay at the end of August to watch the kids for a long weekend. obviously I don't feel great about that now as I don't trust her.

No idea how to handle it. I'm leaving it for now. Funnily enough my dad leaves today and within the last hour has asked me if he can put his holiday pics (of me and kids) on my computer. I took the opportunity to ask if he didn't mind, and to say that I felt really awkward asking for family photos now. I then said to my mum that the whole thing had really upset me. She went "uh huh" and turned away. So clearly has no interest in hearing my side of things.

I am the same alpaca. I hate being misrepresented / people lying about me. But it doesn't look like ill get my say here unless I send my mum the messaging convo between me and my sister.

No way would she be having my DC for a long weekend after this.

I don't want to worry you, but this market stall of your sisters - do you think she could be selling pics of your DC?

I think you should tell your Mum what you know, tell her how pissed off you are, she's got 3 weeks to think about it.

No, she wouldn't be minding the dc's either after this.

I'm surprised about the possessiveness over my kids too.

When my eldest died, and since, my mum made a huge deal of telling me just how hard my sister found it and how it screwed up her exams etc. I find that terribly inappropriate, as honestly I don't think anyone found it harder than me except maybe DH. She really needs to pick her audience better.

When we were at this meal the other day, she was so bloody frustrating. Saying things like "DS give me a hug" - so I said he doesn't know hug, intending to say but he knows cuddle. Anyway she interuppted me to say "of course he knows hug don't pretend you know everything". She also insisted that DS gave her boyfriend a kiss and cuddle goodbye when he didn't want to, and we try to encourage the kids to make up their own minds e.g. "Do you want to give a cuddle" instead of making it an order.

They aren't family children. They are my and dh's children and we really aren't being given enough of a say in the wider family. It's very frustrating.

I find it almost laughable too, she and mum are sat saying how volatile and unreasonable I am, but for those of you who read her little "fuck off" speech up thread - my dad was telling me she ranted like that to him last time she visited them. My sister is historically unreasonable ffs.

She actually told my mum "slithy has banned me from the children because I want to take photos". Missing out quite a few salient points there!

Damn I HATE being misrepresented. Alpaca that's a great way of putting it.

I don't think she would have sold pics of dc no.

I'm so torn on the babysitting. If she can't babysit, then I can't go to my oldest friends wedding, which we have spent over £300 (earned with car boots and eBay) on.

So next time she gets her camera out, stand in front of your children & say

"no, they are mine, and special to me and I just don't want to share them"

You know what slithy- fuck 'em.

Your mother is really pissing me off now. Tell her what you know, then get her out of your house, end the 'long weekend' plans.

Its time to take action and mean it- you are clearly the only sane one in your family.

I'm so torn on the babysitting. If she can't babysit, then I can't go to my oldest friends wedding, which we have spent over £300 (earned with car boots and eBay) on.

Hire a baby sitter!!

Honestly do ANYTHING but let her look after the kids!!

That is so absolutely awful.

At first I thought that your mum was just agreeing with your sister to shut her up, but it's not that at all, is it?

She hasn't just said "well, yes, Slithy can be volatile"

Well, there's no surprise really that your sister behaves how she does having seen that.

Yes, she wouldn't be having my kids either.

So your siblings don't get on with your dad and have thought about not seing him?

And presumably you are now thinking about not seeing your mum?

What a tangle!

When my eldest died, and since, my mum made a huge deal of telling me just how hard my sister found it and how it screwed up her exams etc. I find that terribly inappropriate, as honestly I don't think anyone found it harder than me except maybe DH. She really needs to pick her audience better.

Seriously stop, I might just throw my computer out the window!!!

Wow. Inappropriate. EXTREMELY inappropriate. Your sister found it hard? What. The. Actual. Fuck???????!!!!?????

They are off their fucking rockers. Seriously - keep your DC away from them. They are controlling, unhinged and the relationship is unhealthy.