Co-sleeping. Why?

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Just to stress first off that this is not a thread to start a bun fight between people who do and don't co-sleep. It's not intended as a spiteful judgement of people who DO co-sleep.

It's just to try and understand why some people do it, as it's something that I literally cannot fathom.

I can understand co-sleeping for the first six months, as is recommended to prevent SID. I can understand people going a bit longer than that just to be on the safe side.

But why do some people co-sleep for YEARS on end? Is it when the child is a really bad sleeper generally? Or when there are underlying medical conditions?

Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents. Which is why I'd be interested to know people's actual reasons for doing it (I'm not saying I'm right, it's just how I've always seen it).

I have tried looking at websites, but they have been so....unbearable. Almost like satire websites. I was hoping some people here might be able to explain it in less "hemp and kale" sort of terms.

I know people who have coslept for a long time and they all have happy healthy relationships with their partners.

Helps if the two parents think alike. But then that is quite key to a successful relationship anyway.

People cosleep for a whole myriad of personal reasons. But like any other part of making decisions about how you are as a parent.

This will turn into a cosleeping bashing thread though.

We co-sleep with our 13 month old because we can't get the little sod to go to sleep and stay asleep in her cot, and we're too tired to argue with her.

That's all there is to it for us.

I started co sleeping because I breast fed and it was easier. He is 3 now and still sleeps with me. I an happy with it, he sleeps all night, isn't a bother, but I love waking up to his smile every morning and he likes cuddling mummy through the night.

As for what it does to the relationship of the parents? I am a lone parent so no problems there

Depends what you mean by "years"

It's lovely.

There are plenty of other places to have sex.

But why do some people co-sleep for YEARS on end? Is it when the child is a really bad sleeper generally?

The friends I have who have coslept, it was because it was easier for them as a family to have the children in with them so there was minimal disturbance in the night (wakings dealt with quickly and without anyone having to actually move and walk around.) The parents slept better with the children close and vice-versa.

I didn't cosleep for the opposite reason - I just couldn't reach deep sleep with another being that close to me. I still can't - my husband is on the other side of the bed when I sleep. Cuddles are for waking time only. So it was better for me personally to get up, settle anyone who needed it, then return to a deep sleep.

Basically, it depends on what sort of sleep works for you and your family. I personally don't think there is a 'right' or only answer.

It's not something I have done beyond babyhood, because it's not something I've needed to do.

But I think sleep-deprivation can make you do desperate things.

4 year old cosleeps here. She has coslept on and off since she was born but started sleeping with me every night at 18 months when me and ex split up and she had bad desperation anxiety, I worked full time and needed to sleep. Now I wouldn't kick her out as she really does love it and so do I. Personally I feel 4 is still young and even as an adult I prefer to have someone to sleep with. It also think it's helpful for bonding and whilst at night time she is insecure and likes company in the day she is the most confident and sociable little person, I think security breeds security.

I give her the choice and she sleeps with me for 5/7 nights. If my bf stays over I move her into her bed once she is asleep. She did used to sleep between us but there's no room now.

For younger babies I think cosleeping helps breastfeeding too.

Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents.

Only if you think sex can only take place in bed at night.

I co sleep with DS (8 months).

It was never a conscious decision and definitely not a lentil weavey one.

Bottom line is we're lazy and like our sleep. So rather than get out of bed 4 times a night to breastfeed, baby sleeps with me and I feed him without even having to wake up fully. He sleeps amazingly in bed with me.

DP is in the spare room. We only have a double and I couldn't co-sleep comfortably with him in the bed. After DS goes to bed we have our 'couple time'. Usually watching The Walking Dead and drinking tea .

We are currently doing up DS's room and will work on moving him into his cot. But from birth to now, co-sleeping has definitely been the right choice for us .

We co-sleep with our 3.4yo because we love it.

And we love to hear people sucking their teeth and spewing forth their unwanted opinions

We co-sleep. Ds1 is 3 and at the moment is transitioning into his own bed, so he tends to fall asleep at family time (dd, dc, dh and I all have a big snuggle up on the sofa after tea and bath) gets put in his own bed, then tends to come in for snuggles at around 4am, where he stays until we get up. Dd (6) was fully in her own bed by 4. For us, it's the easiest way for our whole family to get enough sleep as we don't agree with cc/cio/sleep training. We're planning on co-sleeping again when ds2 is born. It's never overridden the relationship between dh and I, we both talked about it and we basically believe that dcs are only little for such a short time and we should cherish all these little moments. We have no underlying issues but we also don't believe kids are 'bad sleepers' but that normal biological sleep patterns are widely ignored. None of us, including dh 'sleep through'.

My son is nearly 18 months and still in our room. Until about 12 months he was a pretty bad sleeper and was in our bed a lot of the time just so we could get a little sleep. He's since improved and is in a cot next to our bed - partly as we moved house and his room isn't done yet, partly out of habit and the ease of being able to shhh him back to sleep if he wakes without me needing to get out of bed. I plan to move him to his own room soon, but it's not a problem for us, I don't really see why it would be - he's there, asleep, we're there mostly asleep. Why would you think it would over ride a parents relationship? Do you mean from a sex life point of view?

"But I think sleep-deprivation can make you do desperate things."

Doesn't have to be desperation- a family bed can be an active, non desperate choice.

Our DC's are 9 and 7 now (with another late one on the way) and we've co-slept with both from the beginning for the simple reason of breastfeeding. I've breastfed both for 2 years and 3 months, but I breastfed AT NIGHT until about 15 to 18 months. So we've co-slept at least until then. When our little DC was a baby, our older one was a toddler who was free to come to our room at night if he woke up, for as long as his little sister was co-sleeping with us. As soon as I was done co-sleeping with the younger one, they both had to sleep in their own rooms.

We got rid of the bed and bought two huge mattresses that we put on the floor for the time we were co-sleeping. It didn't have a detrimental effect on our relationship at all. We're married for 11 years this year and we've only become closer. Also didn't have any negative effect on our sex life either, nor on general intimacy.

We all co sleep (3yrs and 7 months) because we like it :) everyone is happy. Started when as a baby my 3 yr old wouldn't sleep without me. Now we've all grown to like it.

Just want to add: we just did what was easiest, laid back and no pressure on anyone.

No desperation in it for us. DD (4.5) co-slept for as long as she wanted to (one night she announced she was going to sleep in her bed, and that's where she now is 90% of the time). However, sometimes she needs a bit of extra closeness, so will come in with us, if she's ill or going though a development leap. It's no problem at all and completely natural for all of us.

(I'm not sure why people think that at 6 months something magical happens and their baby suddenly becomes capable of sorting themselves out.)

I didn't co-sleep until I split from my xh. DD was 2 at the time and really struggled to sleep alone. I figured that she needed the comfort and was so exhausted juggling everything else (He picked a doozy of a time to walk out) that I let her sleep in with me. It lasted for about a year, on and off but although she comes in for the occasional cuddle if she's had a bad dream or feels sick she always goes back into her own bed now. She definitely prefers her space.

I never understand why it is necessary to 'understand' the choices of others. We are all different. If it doesn't suit you then don't do it. However, what you do doesn't suit others.
I wouldn't co sleep but that is my free, individual choice- everyone else gets the same free, individual choice.
There is no magic way that is best for you or the child.

Wow. Scathing much? Why does it bother you so much? Its just a personal parenting choice. Different people, different boundaries. I assume people do it because it fits with their ethos and life. Every relationship is different. Maybe they feel it actually increases their bond as parents. I guess you just need to realise that people think differently to you. There isn't one perfect true path and one group of people choosing to cosleep doesn't invalidate another's choice to not.

We still co-sleep with our three year old - he started off as a newborn in a sidecar cot for night feeding purposes, and gradually migrated into our big bed. We both love it, the closeness, the early-morning cuddling etc etc - and, as a pp said, it is perfectly possible to have sex elsewhere. We'll probably encourage him into his own room within the next few months, but DH and I will be sorry as well as recognising it's probably right for him to move on.

I was a bit afraid to do co-sleeping with my first child because to be very honest, I wasn't confident enough in my parenting skills (worried the child would still be with us in the bed aged 24) and I listened too much to my mother.
Second time around I did many things differently, we co-slept until dc went into a bed rather than a cot so that dc could come to us if he wanted to. And he did, but he doesn't any more. It was lovely. I wish I had done it with my first. (We did use one of those add-on beds to our own bed when he was very little)
And that's how it was for us.

I think it's quite sad that co sleeping is often seen as a negative, it's such a natural thing to do. I did it out of necessity not choice, but if I have another I will happily do it again. And yes, sex just happens outside of the bedroom but isn't the most important aspect of our relationship anyway.

dcs are only little for such a short time and we should cherish all these little moments. We have no underlying issues but we also don't believe kids are 'bad sleepers' but that normal biological sleep patterns are widely ignored. None of us, including dh 'sleep through'.

This.

I've co slept with two of mine, my eldest wouldn't entertain it at all. My second daughter was an awful awful awful sleeper, it was the only way round it, she stopped of her own accord at about 3.5 and now (she's 7) she's my best sleeper - loves her bed, asks to go early sometimes.

Dd3, she's 4 will go to sleep in her own bed but wakes after a few hours, comes into our room and will say "but I love you Mammy, I want to be with you all the time, I miss you" and she'll sleep as soon as she gets in, she doesn't like to sleep alone. I'm lucky in that my husband works a week of nights every month and does strange hours any way, so it doesn't impact on our sex life that much.