Co-sleeping. Why?

[goodnessgraciousgouda]

Just to stress first off that this is not a thread to start a bun fight between people who do and don't co-sleep. It's not intended as a spiteful judgement of people who DO co-sleep.

It's just to try and understand why some people do it, as it's something that I literally cannot fathom.

I can understand co-sleeping for the first six months, as is recommended to prevent SID. I can understand people going a bit longer than that just to be on the safe side.

But why do some people co-sleep for YEARS on end? Is it when the child is a really bad sleeper generally? Or when there are underlying medical conditions?

Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents. Which is why I'd be interested to know people's actual reasons for doing it (I'm not saying I'm right, it's just how I've always seen it).

I have tried looking at websites, but they have been so....unbearable. Almost like satire websites. I was hoping some people here might be able to explain it in less "hemp and kale" sort of terms.

I co-sleep with my 7 year old because we like it.

I don't co-sleep with my 10 year old because he doesn't like it.

That's basically it.

The 10 year old likes cuddles but then his own space for actual sleeping while the 7 year old prefers to have me near. Both are great sleepers.

I didn't co sleep with any of mine. My eldest dc's were born early 1990's at the height of SIDS campaign, ALL advice was that co sleeping was a factor in cot deaths.
There were TV campaigns, HV very vocal about baby sleeping alone. All mums I know followed that advice.
When I had my twins I was advised by their consultant not to co sleep for the same reason, specifically as they were premmies. So naturally I also followed their advice.

I co slept with dd for 2 years due to the fact I was living with my mum and only had 1 room. It was lovely. Once we moved out and she had her own room she slept beautifully in her own big girl bed and even from being 2 loved her own bed ratjer than mine. Ds (16 months) sleeps with us if I can't get him back down when he wakes up. Even though he is a teeny, tiny bedhog I love it and hope he will come a callin' when he is older.

Dd never wanted to get in my bed once she was in her own room. I missed waking up with her at the side of me.

I co sleep with my 4 yr old my partner tends to sleep in our should be sons rooms ,it how we all get the most sleep.Are relationship is just as strong ,as for sex plenty of other ways ,best time is in afternoon when Ds at school,to be honest by bed time frazzled and not much intrest in sex.

Humans have always coslept for protection. It's only a recent development (100-150 years) in our evolution that we have decided to segregate ourselves in separate spaces in house, and then eventually a bigger house, so that even children and babies get their own room. And we write countless books on how to TRAIN them to sleep alone. Because we still are born with the survival instinct to stay close to another human being at all times.

And you wonder why some people co sleep?

Just to stress first off that this is not a thread to start a bun fight between people who do and don't co-sleep. It's not intended as a spiteful judgement of people who DO co-sleep.

I have tried looking at websites, but they have been so....unbearable. Almost like satire websites. I was hoping some people here might be able to explain it in less "hemp and kale" sort of terms.

Beloved - you win the prize for the most needlessly antagonistic and pathetic comment. Congratulations.

Hmm... Ok...

You could try googling with your search terms set to UK only sites, if US based sites offend you so much.

As to why DS co-sleeps?

I dunno, I'll ask him when he's older.

At the moment he's 7 and a half months old and seems to like it. And that seems like a good enough reason to me.

I'm not entirely sure what there is to understand.

From personal experience, I think it's better that kids feel comfortable going to their parent's bed at night than not.

I remember once waking up at night and going into my parent's room - I must have been relatively young. I stood there trying to work out what to do. I didn't want to go back to my own bed, but I had never got into a bed with my dad AND mum and so was intimidated (dad was loving but also the 'girls belong to their mother' type, and mum was.... unpredictable in terms of temper).

I ended up getting a towel out of the cupboard and going to sleep with it pulled over me, on the floor next to my parent's bed. My dad accidentally stepped on me when he woke up the next morning.

It's only recently I've realised that that is quite a sad story I can't imagine my boys feeling shy and awkward about getting in our bed, I'd be gutted if they did.

So that's partly why I do it.....

"Beloved - you win the prize for the most needlessly antagonistic and pathetic comment. Congratulations."

Antagonistic? Pot? Kettle?

"Of course, I'm sure that you yourself understand every single non European practise, and support absolutely all of them without question".

I'm just staggered by your ignorance about the way most of the rest of the world lives. And actually, the way most humans have lived for 99/100's of the 200 000 years of human history. The way you live now, with your babies/children sleeping in a separate cot and a separate room - you do realise that in anthropological and historical terms it's a shiny new fad, taken up by only a small fraction of human kind?

"Co-sleeping for long periods of time has always struck me as something which would completely override the relationship between the two parents."

Yes - because it's a well-known fact that countries like the UK where most people don't bed-share with their children have far lower rates of divorce and family breakdown than countries where bed sharing is the cultural norm.

Oh, hang on.....

Also, maybe you could link us to some of these 'unbearable' websites, so the rest of us can have a good cringe.

Because I googled co-sleeping and got a page full of fairly boring mumsnet, NCT, Netmums and Baby Centre links.

Our 2 children co-sleep because we like it, they like it and it doesn't effect anyone else so everyone else's opinion is irrelevant.

We have 2 dc under 2, so no problems finding time/space to have sex, my dp cheerfully told my aunt when she said how do people who co-sleep ever go on to have more than one child "oh dc1 wasn't conceived in our bed and there wasn't any small children occupying our bed at that time, I feel sorry for people who's sex lives are do dull they only have sex in bed!" I bet my aunt wished she had never asked!

I co slept with DC1 from 13-26m. It started when he was poorly (ended up in hospital) and coincided with me going back to work as well. I guess I missed him so much in the daytime and subconsciously didn't want him to feel abandonedit quickly became the norm

Stopped when we moved and DC2 arrived not long after. Currently co sleeping with her now.

You could argue that not co-sleeping is odd.

Throughout human history and the world over parents sleep with their children.

Perhaps it's us that are the strange ones.

We coslept because we love cuddling us with the LOs- we slept with them in a huge family bed until they made the gradual move to their own beds- when they were 4-5 years old, but even after than on the ocassional night for several years after if they didn't feel well, there was a storm, were cold, or daddy was away on business.

Two huge benefits we have found is that

1. we have never had a child cry at bedtime- ever.
2. No one has ever been sleep deprived.

fredfredgeorgejr it was a joke - the grin and sabre tooth tiger reference should have given that away surely???

The general point is valid though - humans like to sleep in packs and have cycles of sleep. The link discusses that from a biological point of view.

We co-slept because we lived in a one bedroom flat when I had my daughter. There was barely room for a cot in the bedroom so when she outgrew her Moses basket we brought her into our bed. It also ensured everyone got a decent nights sleep.
She moved into her own bedroom when we moved into our first house when she was 3, and apart from the first couple of weeks when I had to lay with her till she'd fallen asleep she's slept on her own.
I think it's lovely.

I co slept for about 3y. DD was bf (still is occasionally at 3.5) and a rubbish sleeper. I was working as was DH. To save arsing about at night we put a double mattress in her room - I put her down at 7pm, DH and I spent the evening together and went to bed together, then when she wailed I went and joined her in her bed. Was easier, no one got disturbed (except me) and I loved the cuddles. She no longer wakes in the night so I no longer go in to her.

However, and this will really blow your mind OP, she now co-sleeps with her brother (5) who decided he wanted to share a bed with her. So they sleep snuggled up together like puppies.

DH and I maintained a very healthy sex life throughout and our relationship is as good as it has ever been. No idea why co-sleeping would affect it?!

Because I'm a lazy bastard.

Because my son had a very upsetting time when he was small (death of a child) and this seemed to help comfort him. I remember him telling me he never had nightmares when he slept with us.

Because it was lovely. My husband thought so too. (And we had sex far more often than we'd have done if we were getting woken up in the night.)

My son always had his own room too. From about age 4, he'd choose to sleep on his own for weeks at a time then come back. This continued for a few years and I can't tell you exactly when it stopped any more than I can tell you when he gave up playing with his train set. It just petered out naturally.

It's because you can't just kick your 6 month child out of bed, not if they're used to sleeping beside you.

I co slept with DS until 4 months as I breastfed till then it was just so much easier especially when he went through cluster feeds. After I transferred to bottle feeding he would sleep most of the night so he went to a Moses basket at that point and then his own room at 6/7 months.

I'm again co sleeping with baby DD as again I'm breastfeesing (going much easier than with DS too) and it's just easier than taking her in and out of crib. Don't know how long will go for this time.

middle child had separation anxiety he hated being alone still does youngest is the same he gets into bed with me or his brother he does not like to sleep alone middle child grew out of it but he does like the company however he no longer needs it at age six although he comes in for a cuddle he goes back to his own bed after an hour or two pfb was fine!

I hate co-sleeping and it's not particularly safe for us.

However I am interested to know how people manage to maintain a healthy sex life and co-sleep. Our sex life only ever happens during the night or early morning, unless we have a babysitter.

We always found my child slept for more hours than we did......

*our child

It depends what you mean by a healthy sex life Notso. Do you mean having it a certain number of times a week?

We'd just have sex somewhere else e.g. downstairs or even in our son's room if he was in ours (I must remember to tell him that one day )

Plus he'd have friends or cousins to stay quite regularly in which case he'd sleep with them in his own room quite happily (he just liked company, he wasn't that fussy.) You could say we all enjoyed sleepovers!

It really wasn't that hard.