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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this conversation shouldn't have happened infront of DS ?

255 replies

FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 17:59

Unfortunately i was late picking up ds today, quite late my bus was very late and not the kind of distance I could just sod it and walk. i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap. When i arrived the head teacher was understandably annoyed but said , where have you been , why are you late? ...i had explained this to the AD , and then went onto say this really was too late and it wasnt a bit late and usually they would ring Ss (!? first offence id rang?) and dont let it happen again , ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude, my issue isnt the conversation itself more the fact it happened in front of DS? im raging so unprofessional, the reason was out of my control although I understand her annoyance. i apologised several times.i wouldn't have minded a.discreet word or 'we'll speak on monday' but i did ring and it wasn't really my fault. AIBU to be annoyed the conversation was so inappropriately done in front of ds?

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:04

I doubt there was time to ask a member of staff to look after your child while the Head took you out of the room, so YABU.

Why did you leave ringing the school until you were already late though?

BoozeyTuesday · 17/04/2015 18:04

How late were you?

Original poster
FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 18:07

Because i was at the busstop dealing with a fussing baby i though i was about 10 mins behind the time i was actually on, about 35 mins

OP posts:
Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:08

No, YANBU

I think sometimes adults, teachers, whoever forget that what they are talking about/how they are talking in front of children may upset or worry them

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:09

But you could still have made a quick phone call even with a fussing baby, to apologise and warn in advance that you were going to be late.

It's possible that if you had, the Head might have been less pissed off.

It was bad manners not to (although I'm sure you were stressed).

I wouldn't pay it any more mind now. Just make sure if it happens again, you ring as soon as you know.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 17/04/2015 18:10

Schools do not have staff to look after children whose parents rock up late. No wonder the HT was annoyed. I've seen up to 6 children waiting for late parents and staff being late in leaving to collect their own children from childcare. I completely refuse to wait with children whose parents are late. School finishes at three and school staff are not childcare after this time. It's one thing that irritates the hell out of me and numerous colleagues.

Marmaladedandelions · 17/04/2015 18:10

I normally don't have a huge amount of patience with complaining teachers but this is justified I think if only on the basis Friday is the day everyone gets the hell out of school on time so I can see why she was put out.

MangoJuggler · 17/04/2015 18:11

I am sure that you won't be so late again.

A Non Collection Of Children policy will give reference to notifying children's services after a certain amount of time has elapsed, I expect the HT can find you a copy of theirs.

Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:12

The issue is not the Head's annoyance. It is what she then did with her annoyance.

I agree that I would have been annoyed too.

PotteringAlong · 17/04/2015 18:12

At my school there is a set amount of time (40 mins) and after that we call social services if you've not contacted us and we can't contact you.

Original poster
FujimotosElixir · 17/04/2015 18:12

it wasn't deliberate worra i thought i was on ok time...i appreciate thats not the schools problem, surely SS if remit when kids are just abandoned? its pretty disgraceful to use an already over run overstretched service to use as a bogeyman device for something she was well aware was largely out of my control and yes being spoken to like a child infront of my child Angry

OP posts:
kali110 · 17/04/2015 18:13

Maybe she was pissed that you rang when you were already late? Can happen to anyone but maybe she felt really disrespected she's not paid to look after kids when schools are out.

Yarp · 17/04/2015 18:13

I am a TA by the way. You don't talk about certain things in front of children. Or if you do so, you do it out of earshot

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:14

I don't think quoting the rules to a parent in front of their child is unprofessional at all.

It's not like the HT was shouting and screaming.

00100001 · 17/04/2015 18:14

Meggy "I completely refuse to wait with children whose parents are late. " You'd leave a child alone in an empty school playground?

worra She did ring the school to tell them i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 17/04/2015 18:14

how long is the bus ride to the school? do you not have a "plan B" if you are dependent on the bus and there can be all sort of reasons for it being delayed or not turning up at all - eg a friend who can pick DC up for you to collect from their house/the park?

I think it sounds like the head is sick and tired of parents who take the P, and has to lay down the law. Everyone thinks it is only 10 minutes here and there and no biggie, or that THEIR excuse is more important/valid than the other guy's.

We have this at our school with the selfish twits who insist they have no option but to park over the neighbours driveway/in the school gate/on the zigzag lines/double park blocking the whole road etc, because by the time they get there, there is nowhere else left to park. They have no concept of planning their lives better, arranging to work differently or for someone else to collect their DC.

Not saying that you are selfish/inconsiderate OP, but I do think if you need to use the bus you should have a plan b rather than leave the school to have to supervise DC till you turn up.

kali110 · 17/04/2015 18:15

Maybe she doesn't have a choice though?( unsure how it works) You don't pick up your kids on time even if its an accident she has to cancel ss?
Maybe she's warning you for the future so you can organise things a bit better.

CommanderShepard · 17/04/2015 18:16

OP does say she rang to let them know.

MrsHathaway · 17/04/2015 18:16

For days like these you need a backup plan - another parent who's going anyway and could take DS home for you to pick up later.

Is it unusual for you to be at the mercy of public transport? If so you really need to chat up DS's friends' parents so you have a mobile number for this kind of emergency.

Many children would have been very worried. Many children would have been angry, and glad to see you told off for "forgetting them" (I know that's not what you did). That's why it happened in front of him.

PenelopePitstops · 17/04/2015 18:17

I think YABU, you were late by 35mins for your child. I would have quoted SS at you and a lot more beside. A two minute phone call isn't hard to make.

Marmaladedandelions · 17/04/2015 18:17

She did phone!

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:18

worra She did ring the school to tell them i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap.

What?

I asked her why she left ringing until she was already late. I didn't say she didn't ring the school.

Justusemyname · 17/04/2015 18:19

Total over reaction. She asked you why you were late, not which position you last had sex.

caravanista13 · 17/04/2015 18:20

Nothing more annoying than parents who are late on a Friday. Your responsibility is to get an early enough bus to ensure you're not late. The discussion in front of your child wasn't at all unprofessional - it was just stating facts.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 18:20

Because i was at the busstop dealing with a fussing baby i though i was about 10 mins behind the time i was actually on, about 35 mins

So you were 35 minutes late by the time you were actually on the bus? Not sure if I read that right?

How late were you by the time you got to your child?