to think this conversation shouldn't have happened infront of DS ?

[FujimotosElixir]

Unfortunately i was late picking up ds today, quite late my bus was very late and not the kind of distance I could just sod it and walk. i rang the school in panic knowing i.was already late apologising and would get there asap. When i arrived the head teacher was understandably annoyed but said , where have you been , why are you late? ...i had explained this to the AD , and then went onto say this really was too late and it wasnt a bit late and usually they would ring Ss (!? first offence id rang?) and dont let it happen again , ds was really fed up. generally being quite provocative and rude, my issue isnt the conversation itself more the fact it happened in front of DS? im raging so unprofessional, the reason was out of my control although I understand her annoyance. i apologised several times.i wouldn't have minded a.discreet word or 'we'll speak on monday' but i did ring and it wasn't really my fault. AIBU to be annoyed the conversation was so inappropriately done in front of ds?

Yep. Nasty people.

I think the problem in this thread is not that the OP was late - or even that she was unaware of how late she was.

It is her attitude once she is late, and her anger at the HT's annoyance, that has people questioning her. A thread that went 'I had made a Dr's appointment in early afternoon, I realised it was overrunning so I phoned the school to warn of possible lateness, the problem was compounded by a late-running bus so I called again, I was apologetic because of my lateness and the inconvenience it caused' would
a) have got a different response from the HT and b) got a different resoponse from other MNetters.

Nobody'sperfect. Its completely possible that the HT was irritable and as high handed as the OP believes/ has described. if that is the case then it was inappropriate to do that in front if the child because it undermines the parent. That isnt on.
Just as it is not ok for a parent to be rude to/ "tell off" a teacher in front of a child.

True that nobody is perfect - a HT 35+ minutes after the end of school on a Friday which contained who knows what might well be very irritable, especially if faced by a parent who apologised on the phone to somebody else but at no point says that she apologised to the head...

Is it high-handed to re-state the school policy on lateness in front of a child? Does it undermine the parent to let a child know that school rules apply to parents as well as children?

I think the way the Op describes the situation is indicative of the HT being high handed, yes.
35 minutes? A one off? Nothing. No need to throw your weight about. If the policy of the school is to inform ss when a parent is, on one occasion, and after informing the school, is less than 45 minutes late then I am surprised. And I think someone needs to revisit that policy.

(Maybe I am too much of a veteran of 'My mum says you can't make me wear school uniform shoes / do my homework / not eat just sweets for lunch; or 'My mum says the teachers / head / trips here are useless' to feel that, occasionally, the school reinforcing publicly that it does have rules that apply to parents as well as children is not 'high handed', just appropriate)

Actually ffs. Stop being so obtuse.
Unless the op is mis representing events it is clear that the head was in a mood (maybe justifiably so) and was being high handed.

Amanda, we would, of course, need both sides of the conversation and / or a witness to get a true view of the situation - any one person's description is likely to carry a whole set of baggage, as other posters here have amply indicated. A HT enduring night after night of late pickups disrupting many staff may well be irritable in a way that one where this is rare may not, for example, and we cannot know that from the OP.

It is unfortunate if the OP, a one-off, happened to be the recipient of a backlash from a whole series of persistent offenders, I agree.

The OP's view was that the head was being high-handed, and so she described her as being so.

The head's view may have been that she was dealing firmly with an unapologetic parent who was extremely late, and may describe the situation entirely differently.

I am firm / you are pigheaded etc.

I think that disrespect is seen from both "sides" tbh.
And as we all know: two wrongs don't make a right.

Well this is aibu. As usual we only have one side to go on.
I am willing to believe the OP.
Or is this HT beyond reproach?

In a pertfect world of irreproachanbel people, nobody would be cross, nobody would be irritable, everyione would always be nice and kind.

I suppose I was asking a slightly different question - is the headteacher behaving in a reasonable or explicable manner, or are they being unreasonable? (As this is AIBU)

Ok. Well in answering the op.is she bu to think the conersation should not have happened in front of her child?
I say no she is nbu.
Because I think the HT was probably being unreasonabe, in mentioning such things at all, let alone in the presence of the child. I think it is unlikely in most schools that one off off 35 minute late pick up, with a warning call from the parent, would trigge a ss notification. If it did, I would challenge that thinking tbh.
Do I thik the Ht was understandab.y pissed off? Quite possibly.
Do i think she should have said what she apparently said? no
Do I think she should be sacked for it? No.

So, of the conversation as reported:

Where have you been , why are you late? Could be reasonable or unreasonable, depending on whether she had received the OP's message [it does, tbh, read as if she hadn't - I agree, such messages should be passed on, but many office staff really are only paid to the end of a school day and may have left, especially if the OP rang once she was already late, after the end of the school day].

This really was too late and it wasnt a bit late. Reasonable - it was very late.

Usually they would ring Ss. Unreasonable, though perhaps if stated differently 'It is our policy, as you will know, to ring Social Services after x time if children are not collected', less so.

Don't let it happen again. Reasonable

Yeah, I readthe Op.
i think, on balance, the OP was Not being unrasonable.

Or unreasonable even.

Its all very well to remind ppl that SS are not a stick to beat parents with, but when mentioned in ts way I nelieve that is what the Ht was doing.
Ppl who work with ss can have a particular viewpoint. But nobody wants that involvement in their family, especially when what actually happened is that that the Op was late. Once.
The Ht, imo, sounds as though she used the ss issue a s a threat. That is not reasonable.

Our emergency contacts are 1-2 hours drive away. No I don't know anyone closer to ask.

im going to ask mn to delete this thread ....points that have been clarified i.e no attitude from me or ds, i did apologise. etc have just been bulldozed and ignored so some posters can behave as sanctimoniously and judgementally as possible, thanks to the people who posted even the far from helpful ones.

OP don't delete the thread - ask the HT tomorrow if she received your message ,I would put money on the fact she didn't.

Also with due respect just because you dont like the replies when you ask if AIBU is not a reason to delete a thread.

Genuine question to long time posters - can a poster get a whole thread pulled because they don't like the way it has panned out?

In theory no Aridane, but I've seen it happen loads of times.

They can these daysAridane, apparently... Prepare yourself for the usual bollocks of "protecting posters privacy", as if op could possibly have outed herself in rl with this nonsense...